Embry Call of the Wild
by Roses in May
Summary: Embry is feeling torn between his loyalty to the pack, and his desire to move on with his life.  Much wolf drama with some humor and a little bit of romance thrown in for fun.  Embry/OC centric with some Quil/Claire, Seth, and Jacob.
1. The Lightning Storm

**Wow, so it's been about three years since I last posted a story. I've been writing this one for literally three years and it's still not done, but I have a ton for it so I figured I'd finally throw it up here. Don't count on updates super often because it's still very much a work in progress!**

**Okay so a few notes about the story:**

**This story is rated "T" for adult language and some innuendo.**

**It takes place about a year or so after "Breaking Dawn". I haven't read BD in about three years so if timelines/ages are off, I apologize up front. I'm going on my assumption that the events in BD took place over the course of nearly a year (again I don't remember if that's the case, but humor me) so that is how I've set this story up.**

**This is also the first story that I've ever written in first person, so I apologize in advance for any errors in that department. All my other experience is strickly third person, so I'm sure I've made a ton of boo boos. But hey that's how we learn. Anyway, read, enjoy, criticize, whatever you feel like. I appreciate any and all reviews including constructive criticisms.**

**As per my ushe, I've taken all my chapter titles from song titles. My first foray into FF in three years begins with "The Lightning Storm" by Flogging Molly from the album "Float".**

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><p><em>"Take what you give, until there's nothing left but forever live. <em>

_As the days they come, but the years they go. So take care of your freedom, they'll never know."_

_-Flogging Molly_

The sky over La Push was just beginning to darken as I stood on the front porch of my house. I glanced up and took in the swiftly moving clouds. They undulated across the sky in grayish wispy patterns, the gloomy coloring promising another bout of rain. I sighed and willed Seth Clearwater to hurry. Seth was moving in with Quil Ateara and I today and I didn't really relish the prospect of moving his stuff in the pouring rain. I closed my eyes and strained to hear the familiar rumbling of my pickup truck that I had loaned Seth that morning. Nothing. I opened my eyes and sighed again. The kid was only seventeen, how much stuff could he possibly have? He should have been back ages ago. If I could have managed to get the morning off from work I would have helped him load the truck but considering all the layoffs that had been going on, I didn't dare ask for time off. I really hoped Seth realized that the small house Quil and I had been sharing for the past year wasn't exactly Buckingham Palace.

Quil's grandfather had given Quil the small house on the outskirts of the Quileute reservation as a high school graduation present. While Quil and I had been ecstatic at the idea of living on our own, we were pretty crammed in the tight quarters. There was a small spare room which we had been using as a storage closet that was now going to be Seth's room. We hadn't planned on adding a roommate but Seth was desperate to move out of his mother's house. He and his mom had been having problems lately concerning her new boyfriend. Seth couldn't believe his mom was replacing his dad so quickly. His mom, Sue, didn't see it as replacing, but merely attempting to move on with her life. Either way, the tensions in the Clearwater house had been running high and when you threw Seth's sister Leah into the mix, well it was enough to make you feel really bad for the kid. When he had begged to move in, we relented. Sue had agreed to the move based on the fact that she only lived one street over and would still be seeing Seth pretty much every day. I think she secretly thought he'd be moving home again in a few months. Seth is kind of a mama's boy.

I hopped up to sit on the porch railing, the old wood groaning underneath me. One of these days the railing would probably crack right in half and spill me into a heap on the ground. Actually that would more likely happen to Quil. I smirked at the thought. I was a couple inches taller than Quil, but the guy outweighed me by about fifty pounds. I heard a familiar rumbling and my ears perked up. Yep that was definitely my truck. I jumped down from my perch and headed towards the driveway. I couldn't see the truck yet, but it was getting louder. I craned my head to look down the road and finally saw the dark blue Ford.

Seth slowed down and pulled into the driveway. I narrowed my eyes at the load filling the back of the pickup. There seemed to be an awful lot of boxes. Seth jumped out of the cab and bounded around the front of the truck, a huge smile plastered from ear to ear. I studied the mound of items in the back of the truck, mentally calculating just where in the hell all this stuff was going to fit. As my eyes roved over Seth's belongings, an extremely ugly something caught my attention.

"You're joking right?"

Seth's smile faded and he glanced at me, a look of confusion now etched on his face.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

He actually sounded sincere. Like he didn't know what I was talking about or something. To help him out I waved my hand at the atrocity that was currently residing in the back of my pickup.

Seth looked back at the truck bed. "What?"

I was seriously rethinking our generosity of letting him move in as I stared at the horror in front of me.

"That!" I spat. I tried to keep the contempt out of my voice, but I failed miserably.

Seth looked around, apparently still befuddled. "What?" he asked again.

"That. THAT!" I waved my hand harder.

"What, my mother's couch?"

I made a face. "Is that what that is? A couch? Are you serious?"

"Well…..yeah," he still sounded a bit confused. As Seth spoke, he jumped lightly into the back of the truck and began untying the cords holding his furniture and boxes down.

I shook my head vehemently. "No. Uh uh. That thing is NOT coming into this house."

Seth looked down at the couch. "What's wrong with it?"

My eyes widened so far I thought for sure they would pop right out of my skull. "What's wrong with it? What's wrong with it he asks." I shook my finger at him. I wanted to make sure my point got across and finger gestures are always helpful. "I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's white for starters. How dumb is that? Not to mention the fact that it has cabbage roses on it and—"

"It has what?" Seth exclaimed.

"CABBAGE ROSES!" I shouted.

Seth stared at me blankly.

"Did you hear me? It's not coming into the house."

Seth frowned. "I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that you know what the hell a cabbage rose is," he replied.

"Dude! This whole thing-" here I threw in some more violent hand gestures to make sure he understood the seriousness of this matter "- it's all so very very bad I'm not even sure where to begin!"

Seth jumped out of the bed of my truck and stalked over to me. "My mother gave me this couch. I told her you guys didn't have one."

"Hey we used to have more furniture. However our collection has dwindled," I said prissily. I didn't bother to mention that our collection had dwindled because Quil was like a bull in a china shop and we gave up attempting to actually own things like…..chairs. "Besides that couch is hideous."

"My mom loves this couch, yet she gave it to me, her only son. I think it was really nice of her considering the circumstances. Not to mention we kind of need someplace to sit. It's going into the house." Seth said this in a tone that suggested the matter was already decided.

I snorted. "That's what you think. I however, beg to differ."

"You beg to differ?" Seth repeated.

"Yup."

Seth pursed his lips and nodded slowly. "Well, Embry," he poked me in the chest with a finger as he spoke. "I beg to differ on your begging to differ..ering."

I started down at his finger. How dare he use my own gestures against me. "First of all, what you just said makes NO grammatical sense," I informed him. "And secondly stop poking me." I slapped his hand away.

Thunder rumbled overhead and the sky suddenly turned an ominus shade of black. I felt the first droplets of rain hit my face as Seth and I squared off in the driveway in a very 'Shootout at the O-K Corral' kind of way.

Seth narrowed his eyes. "All my stuff is going to get wet," he growled.

I crossed my arms across my chest. "I guess it is," I replied, matching his tone.

He pointed a finger at the truck. "That couch is coming inside."

"Nope."

The rain began to come faster and lightning flashed tattooing a bright white glare across my retinas for a moment in its aftermath. The rain pelted my face and dripped freely from my hair as I held my ground.

"I suppose we're at an impasse then," Seth said slowly.

I shrugged. "Guess so."

Seth sniffed loudly. "In about two seconds I'm going to punch you. Then when I've done that you will pick up what remains of your manhood off the ground, realize that I was right and you were very, very wrong, and help me get my stuff into the house before it gets soaking wet."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "You're going to punch me?" I asked incredulously.

The words were barely out of my mouth when Seth's fist connected with my upper arm.

"Jesus!" I didn't go down, but it was close. For being one of the smallest members of our pack, he was pretty strong. I held a hand over my aching bicep and stared at him wide eyed. "You hit me," I said, disbelief lacing my words.

Seth nodded. "I told you."

I moved my arm up and down a few times then shook it, checking to make sure nothing was broken. Not that it wouldn't heal right away, but it was the principle. "That hurt," I told him.

"It was supposed to. Now help me move this furniture before I have to really hurt you."

I pouted, but as I was a non-violent sort, as least in human form, I followed him to the truck. "I'm going to have a huge bruise," I whined as I climbed into the truck bed.

"Stop being a total wuss and help me," Seth said. "Besides we don't really bruise."

"There's a first time for everything. You're really going to regret hitting me," I scolded him as I grabbed one end of the couch.

"Ohh what are you going to do huh? Throw a witty rejoinder at me?" Seth made an _I'm so scared _face at me then rolled his eyes.

"Wow, if I knew how mean you were I never would have let you move in," I told him haughtily.

"You're not letting me move in. Quil is it's his house."

"It's _our_ house. I pay half the bills. And we took a vote. You were almost kicked off the island buddy." I grabbed my end of the couch more securely and jumped out of the truck, making my way towards the front door of the house. I moved as fast as I could in the hope that Seth would fall on his face. Or at least trip.

"Dude, slow down," he snarled.

"What? I can't hear you over all this rain and thunder," I shouted, moving even faster.

I made my way up the porch steps and began to maneuver the couch through the door.

"Embry, it's not going to fit that way!" I heard Seth's yell two seconds before the couch got wedged in the door frame.

"Perfect," I muttered. I knew this stupid couch was a bad idea.

"Try backing out and going in at more of an angle," I heard Seth say from somewhere behind the mounds of cabbage roses.

With an annoyed groan I shoved the sofa as hard as I could back out the door. Unfortunately, or not so unfortunate since it didn't happen to me, and because I was feeling spiteful after being punched, Seth lost his grip and went flying off the porch. He landed on his ass in a rather large puddle that was forming from the rain.

I bellowed out laughter at the sight of him sitting sadly on the ground.

"This really isn't very funny," he stated.

I snorted. "Well, sorry but in my book it's pretty damn funny."

Seth glowered. "In your book?"

"Yep."

"What's your book called? 'I'm An Insensitive Ass', a memoir by Embry Call?"

That only made me laugh harder. "I told you that you shouldn't have hit me. It's called karma, bitch."

Seth rolled his eyes. "Here's what I don't get," he said as he dragged himself to his feet and shook like a dog sending water flying everywhere. "You're supposed to be all shy and nice, right? I mean that's what everyone says about you and yet you are _very_ immature."

"Takes one to know one," I retorted. "Deal with it. You signed up to live with me."

Seth shook his head and grabbed his end of the sofa again. "Angle it in," he commanded.

After a brief struggle we finally managed to get the stupid sofa into the living room. Seth ran back out into the rain to grab some of his boxes while I rearranged the couch against the wall underneath the large picture window. When I was finally no longer amid a sea of cabbage roses, I turned and saw Quil sitting on the kitchen counter chowing down on a bowl of cereal, a box of Lucky Charms still clutched in his left hand.

"When did you get home? And what the hell are you doing?" I barked at him.

Quil stared at me with wide eyed innocence. "What?" he asked.

I pointed at him. "You're sitting in here eating while Seth and I are moving all his crap?"

"I was hungry," Quil said in a small voice.

"You're always hungry!"

"Well, I'm a big guy. I need food," Quil informed me.

I made a face. "Okay Bubba McTubby," I retorted.

"I'm not fat!" Quil sounded horrified at the very thought.

I gave him a placating smile. "Of course you aren't."

Quil frowned at me. "Screw you, I'm totally hot." He flexed his arms at me. "See all that muscle?"

I ignored his attempted display of machismo and pointed at the couch. "What do you think about this?"

"What, the couch?" Quil jumped off the counter, the box of Lucky Charms still in his hand and joined me by the sofa. "What about it?"

"Do you not see the hideousness that this is?"

Quil threw himself down onto the couch – and Seth wonders why we have no furniture - and gave it a few test bounces. "Feels good to me," he said. He pulled a handful of cereal out of the box and shoved it into his mouth.

"Unbelievable," I muttered. I flopped onto the couch next to him and sighed. I also gave a quick bounce on the cushions. I didn't want to admit it, but the thing was pretty comfortable. Maybe we could get a sofa cover. I bounced again then made a face at the blank wall across from me. "I think we should paint this room."

Seth came running in the door again, his arms loaded with boxes. "Still have stuff to move here," he panted.

Quil jerked his thumb at me and said around another mouthful of cereal, "Embry thinks we should paint."

Seth dropped his boxes and sat next to me on the couch. "You want to paint?"

"Well, it's kind of boring, yeah?"

All three of us cocked our heads to the side and studied the plain white wall.

"What you want it to be like colorful?" Quil asked.

"No, I just think the if we got say a nice beige color with like a bronze shimmer base then on the five days a year when we have sunlight, the sun will come in through this window-" I waved at the picture window behind us "-and it will bring out the bronze shimmer that the paint-"I stopped when I noticed Seth and Quil both staring at me like I had sprouted another head. "I'm just saying," I muttered.

I have got to stop watching so much Extreme Home Makeover. I picked at a piece of skin next to my thumbnail for a moment then turned and glared at Quil who was still staring at me. "What?" I finally snapped.

"Well that was pretty…..gay," Quil snickered.

"I have no problem being in touch with my feminine side," I informed him. "Besides I don't feel the need to defend myself to a guy who thinks his "Ask Me About My Weiner" tee shirt is a fashion statement."

"Whatever," Quil snorted. "Gay."

"Yeah, the guy clutching a box of Lucky Charms like it's his endangered children and this is Sophie's Choice is judging me?"

Quil frowned. "Okay, I don't even know what in the hell that means. Can't you use insults that at least make sense? For example…..'that was gay'. Straightforward and to the point. No thinking required."

"I can't believe I actually wanted to live with you two," Seth muttered.

"You're just pissed because I hate your stupid couch."

"No, I'm just surprised because I didn't realize I was moving in with Martha Stewart," he retorted.

"Please, you could at least compare me to Tracy Hutson or something," I said.

Quil and Seth both looked at me with bewildered expressions on their faces.

"Will you two stop looking at me like I just spiked your Flavor Aid?" I snapped.

Quil furrowed his brow. "What?"

I tossed my arms in the air. "Jim Jones? Jonestown? The single biggest loss of US civilian life before Nine Eleven?"

They both gave me blank looks.

"Do you two know nothing of history?" I was appalled. "I mean we did all attend the same school, did we not?"

Seth slowly shook his head. "I sometimes think you're too smart for your own good. I mean, it's like you think you're speaking English, but really it's all just buzzes and clicks to us."

I sighed. "Never mind. I can't possibly have a conversation that involves intelligence of any sort with you two."

Quil made a face. "Well excuse us. I didn't realize that this conversation would require my cliffs notes on 'Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind'."

"I'm not a nerd, I'm a genius. There is a difference," I informed him.

He snorted. "Yeah, okay."

I just shook my head. I find it very sad that I'm the only one in my circle of friends with any sort of real intellect. And Quil's the worst. I guess I couldn't fault him for that though. He's spent the last few years hanging out with a toddler. His entire culture of late was Disney movies and Barbie dolls.

Quil had imprinted on Claire Redpath almost three years ago. Claire was two-years-old at the time. She had turned five in April and was going to be starting kindergarten at the tribal school in September. Quil was beside himself about the whole situation. It was all I had heard about lately. Don't get me wrong, I mean I love the guy, but he was seriously getting on my last nerve. Every little thing Claire did, I got to hear about. I was actually hoping now that Seth would be living with us that he would get to bear the brunt of Quil's Claire ravings.

Imprinting was something that was still so foreign to me. I mean, when Quil is with Claire he's so….happy. Not just happy, downright gleeful. I don't begrudge the guy his happiness at all, but what was in his opinion a win-win situation for him, was a total lose-lose situation for me. I mean when Claire's not around, he's talking about her and when he's not talking about her he's thinking about her. Since I can pretty much see and hear everything he thinks about in wolf form there was no escape for me. In my experience of hanging out with the imprinted pack members, the whole thing seems to leave them metaphorically impotent and not just a little bit stupid. Not that Quil was composing symphonies before he imprinted, but still. I pray every day that I never imprint. Like ever. Like never ever.

Seth stood up abruptly, effectively pulling me out of my internal diatribe on all things imprint. "Come on guys, there's still a ton of stuff in the truck."

With a sigh, I hauled myself up and followed him back outside.

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><p>An hour later we were finally done bringing Seth's stuff inside. With a loud groan I threw myself back onto the couch. Super strength or not, I was beat. I closed my eyes and tried to tune out Quil and Seth's chatter as they debated how to integrate Seth's DVD collection in with ours.<p>

"QUIL!"

I jerked up and frowned. Claire. Not that I don't like Claire, but come on. A guy can only take so much in one day.

"Hey!" Quil bounded over to the door and pulled Claire up into a bear hug. Her squeals of delight grated on my nerves a bit. Why do kids feel the need to scream and squeal all the time? It's very irritating.

Emily Uley followed Claire into the house, her six month old son Logan in her arms. She switched the baby from arm to arm as she pulled off her raincoat.

"It's really coming down out there," she said with a laugh.

"What were you ladies up to today?" Quil asked as he put Claire down. He pulled off her pink raincoat and slung it across the back of our only remaining kitchen chair. I tried to not let the fact that it was dripping water on the wood floor bother me.

Emily shrugged. "Not much. We did some crafts and drawing. Nothing big."

"I made you a picture, Quil!" Claire shrieked gleefully. She held up a piece of brown construction paper that was covered in marker swirls and whorls. I also think there was a unicorn in there somewhere, but I couldn't be sure.

I raised my eyebrows. I knew that awesome piece of art was going to be joining the myriad of others that were plastered on our refrigerator door.

"Wow, it's gorgeous," Quil smiled.

I rolled my eyes. Emily caught my look and grinned. She walked over to the couch and pushed my legs off so she could sit down. She balanced Logan on her lap and bounced him as she spoke.

"Nice couch," she commented.

Seth gave me a gloating look.

I gave him the finger.

"So, how are you Embry?" Emily asked.

"Fine," I muttered, closing my eyes again.

After a moment I felt her looking at me and my eyes popped open.

"Oh, umm, so how's the baby today?" I asked, not so much because I care, but because it's apparently frowned upon if I don't ask this question every time the baby is in my presence. It was her first baby and all she ever wanted to talk about. I bet myself I'm going to hear a really fascinating story involving baby poop or something and guess what? I'm right so I win. But since I only bet myself, my reward is still having to hear the story. However I feel it was a moral victory for me which is what matters.

I really tried to pay attention to the mesmerizing baby caper that Emily was regaling me with, but all baby talk pretty much sounds like white noise to me so what I really heard was 'blah blah blah blah blah'.

"Isn't that the cutest thing? Embry?"

I started and tried desperately to look like I had been paying attention.

"Isn't that the cutest thing?" Emily asked again.

I nodded. "Totally."

Emily frowned. "You didn't hear one word I said, did you?"

I sighed. "No."

"Typical," Emily laughed. "So how's school?"

"All right I guess. I don't love the classes I'm taking right now, but I need them so," I trailed off and shrugged. "I just wish I could have gone to…you know….a real school," I added quietly.

Emily patted my shoulder. "I know. You really deserve it too. But…"

"Yeah," I interrupted. "I'm needed here." I flopped back against the cushions and pouted.

Logan reached over and grabbed a fistful of my hair.

Emily bit her lip. "Well, how's work?" She asked in an effort to change the subject. Everyone knew how sensitive I was on the topic of college.

I gave her a disgusted look. "It sucks. I hate pretty much everything about it," I said as I wrestled the baby's pudgy hand out of my hair.

I had been working part time as a mechanic at a Port Angeles car dealership for about a year now. I wasn't nearly as good of a mechanic as Jake, but I managed. I like cars well enough and I don't mind working on them, but it wasn't what I wanted to do with my life. The job sucked and the pay wasn't much better, but there weren't a lot of opportunities for employment anywhere near home. I made enough money to cover my part of the bills, put gas in my truck, and take a few courses at Peninsula College. Overall it was not the college education I had dreamed of before the whole wolf thing.

"Well, soon enough you'll have a degree and be able to get a job doing something you really like," Emily said.

I gave her a weak smile, but I could sense the falseness behind her words. She knew the job market around here wasn't exactly flourishing. Not to mention the fact that if I wanted to actually get a degree for Biochemistry, I sure as hell wasn't going to be getting it at PC. Which meant I wasn't going to be getting it period. Which really sucked. "Sure," I muttered.

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I wanted to be a scientist. I had flourished at the tribal school in math, chemistry, and biology and had pretty much decided I wanted to get a degree in biochemistry from the time I learned what biochemistry was. Unfortunately for me, the schools around here weren't exactly what I needed if I was going to pursue my degree. What I wanted was to be able to attend a four year school. No actually if I was really honest with myself, what I really wanted was to leave La Push, hell to leave Washington and never look back. But I'd never be able to do that.

I knew that I was bitter about it, and I tried not to be, but sometimes it was such a depressing prospect to be stuck here for the rest of my life that I just couldn't help myself. I understood that I had an obligation to the pack, but sometimes I felt trapped. I mean I love those guys like brothers but it makes me feel sick to my stomach to know that I might never really get a chance to live the life I desperately want. A life that has to be better than the one that I'm living, because right now, I don't feel like I'm living at all.

Emily cleared her throat. "So," she said somewhat awkwardly, "Have you talked to your mother recently?"

I gave her a withering look.

"I'll take that as a no."

"Well why should I talk to her? She's the one who threw me out, remember? I don't owe her anything," I said hotly.

Seth wasn't the only one having trouble with a parent. My mother was a very, very sore subject. When I first began phasing, I was bound by Sam's gag order from telling her what was happening. I would have to sneak out of my room every night, and every night my mother would find me gone. Then she would ground me and the whole stupid mess would start all over again. Finally about a week before graduation she snapped and told me either I fessed up about where I was going at night or she was kicking me out. I told her she should either fess up about who my real father was or I was leaving. That led to a whole huge fight wherein I called her a big fat liar and she called me an ungrateful jackass. Then me with my infinite good judgment struck the deadliest of blows. I called my own mother a dumb whorebag. Yeah. Suffice to say I moved out that week and my relationship with my mother has been strained ever since.

"Embry," Emily said gently. "She misses you. You may not think so, but she does. I don't think it would kill you to go see her."

"I have seen her," I said.

"When? Because I ran into her the other day and she said she hasn't talked to you in over two months."

I scowled at her. "Well if you knew I hadn't talked to her in two months then why'd you ask me if I had talked to her?" I accused.

"Because," Emily sighed. "I don't know. I just feel so bad that you and your mom have fallen out. I mean you're the only family she has. I wish you could try and mend some fences and-"

I held up my hand to stop her. "Please refrain from pulling out your big book of overly earnest monologues. I can deal with my mother on my own."

"Fine, I'll stop meddling. Just think about it would you?"

I scratched my eyebrow and exhaled sharply. "Look, I know I'm not winning the 2010 Son of the Year award or anything….but I'll bet the voting was close."

Emily shook her head. "Always the smartass."

I shrugged. "Always."

Logan began fussing and Emily stood up, cradling him in her arms. "I'm going. You're still coming over for dinner next week, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be there." I suddenly thought of something and added," But so help me if I get there and my mother is sitting in your kitchen, I'm going to be pissed."

"Hey, would I do that to you?" Emily asked.

"I don't know, would you?"

"Embry," she said a trace of exacerbation in her voice. "All right I'm going. Claire get your coat on."

Claire pouted but allowed Quil to shrug her into her raincoat.

"I'll see you boys later," Emily said as she hauled Claire towards the door.

"Hey Emily," I called after her.

"Yes?"

I gave her a mock salute. "Arrive alive."

Emily turned to Seth and gave him a sympathetic look. "You realize you're going to have to deal with him on a daily basis now, right?"

Seth just smiled. "Don't worry, I can handle the mathlete."

"How do you plan on doing that?" Emily asked with a laugh.

"Easy," Seth replied smugly. "By outwitting him conversationally."

I tisked my tongue. Standing up from the couch I reached over and patted Seth on the shoulder. "Oh Seth, you silly, silly bitch. Good luck with that," I said. "Oh but don't forget your scarf and gloves, you know, for when hell freezes over." I gave him a snotty smile and as I headed towards my bedroom I threw over my shoulder, "How's that for a witty rejoinder?"


	2. Many Miles

**Chapter title taken from the song "Many Miles" by Bella Morte from the album "As the Reasons Die".**

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><p><em>"All this will seem strange and small<em>

_Hope in the end is something more"_

_-Bella Morte_

"Yo! Anyone home?"

I walked through the front door of Sam and Emily's house without waiting for an answer. Like everyone else in La Push, their door was rarely locked. It made sense for Sam and Emily as members of Sam's pack were in and out all day long. It used to be that I was as comfortable at the Uley house as I was at my own. After I had chosen to join Jacob's pack though, things had become a bit strained. I still got along with the members of Sam's pack, but I think they felt I had jumped the ship when I switched my loyalty to Jacob and we weren't as close as we once were. Jacob, Seth, Quil, Leah, and I had pretty much stopped coming over to Sam's house until Emily had learned about my falling out with my mother. After that she had insisted on making me come over for dinner at least once a week. I would have been pissed about her treating me like a little kid, not to mention a pitiful charity case, but I really liked getting a free meal that wasn't consumed from a cardboard box.

I whistled a little tune as I put my contribution to that night's dinner – Cool Ranch Doritos, you can never go wrong with chips- on the kitchen counter and wound my way towards the living room.

"Hello?" Still not hearing a reply I figured no one was home and started to head back out when there was a sudden clambering from the back of the house. I stopped, my head tilted to the side, my eyes narrowed. I could feel my body beginning to tremble as the ruckus continued. I caught the whiff of an unfamiliar scent permeating the air. It smelled like an animal. My senses were on high alert and I instinctively crouched into a defensive stance. Suddenly a door slammed open from the rear of the house and I heard the pounding of a monster racing towards me followed by a shout of "CODY NO!"

I growled low and deep in my chest, preparing myself for the beast to show itself. Then suddenly it was there, racing towards me with no apparent intention of stopping. I shot straight up like an arrow. "Holy Mary Mother of God!" I shouted and jumped up on the kitchen counter as the ugliest creature I have ever seen skidded into the kitchen.

Emily came racing in behind it still calling, "CODY!"

"What in the name of all that is holy is that thing!" I shouted pointing at the beast that was jumping up on its hind legs, trying desperately to reach me on the counter.

"Jesus, Embry, it's a dog," Emily said.

"Since when do you have a dog? And are you sure that thing _is_ a dog?" I scooted further back on the counter until I was impeded by the cabinets and could move no further.

"CODY! NO!" Emily grabbed the 'dog' by its collar and tugged. "We got him yesterday," She informed me in between attempts to pull the animal away from the counter.

"From where?" I yelled. "Hell Beasts 'R' Us?"

Emily frowned, still struggling with the dog. "You shouldn't judge. You and Cody are practically related."

I gawped at her. "The hell we are!"

Emily finally managed to get the struggling animal under control. "Embry, you're going to bust my counter. Get down from there."

I shook my head. "No way. Not until that thing is put away. Far away."

Emily grinned. "Are you…..are you afraid of the dog?"

"What was your first clue?" I shouted. "The panic on my face? The fact that I'm standing on your kitchen counter?"

She burst out laughing.

I scowled at her. "Are you laughing at me?"

Emily nodded, tears beginning to leak from her eyes.

"Well what's so damn funny?" I demanded.

"Embry! You're….you're….," her words dissolved into another laughing fit.

"WHAT?"

"You're afraid of a little dog? You've fought vampires, you turn into a giant wolf, and yet you're afraid of a Labradoodle?"

"A what now?" I stared at her, the word foreign to me.

"A Labradoodle. A Labrador Poodle mix." She laughed again.

I pointed at the dog, a look of disgust on my face. "You mean someone made that on purpose?" I spat. "Who's the sick and twisted person who did that?"

"Embry? What the hell are you doing?"

I turned to look at Sam who had just walked through the door, Logan tucked snugly in his arms.

"Embry's afraid of Cody," Emily snickered.

My pride took a hit at that. The last thing I needed was for Sam to hear I was afraid of his stupid dog because then his whole pack would know and I'd never live it down. "Well, I'm not afraid per say. I was just….startled is all," I finished lamely. I chanced another glance down at the dog. He was sitting on his haunches staring up at me expectantly.

"You're afraid of the dog?" Sam asked.

"NO!" I shouted. "It just…it came running and I…..it was instinct."

"Instinct to jump up on the kitchen counter?" Sam snorted.

I inched my way across the counter to the end furthest from the dog and nimbly jumped down. The dog stood up quickly and I prepared myself to jump right back on the counter if it took a step towards me. "Just keep that thing away from me."

"Wow, I can't believe you're afraid of the dog," Sam shook his head slowly, his body quaking with laughter. "I guess now I'm glad you picked Jacob's pack over mine. I don't need any wussies."

I winced at his mention of my picking Jacob over him but said nothing because…..touché. I knew it was still something that irked him. I think he had always questioned my loyalty to him the minute Jake had deserted the pack and became Alpha in his own right. Even though he never said it out loud, Sam's thoughts had betrayed him the day he sent Collin in my place to the negotiations between the two packs. He hadn't trusted me to come back to him. And he had been right to not trust me because I had ditched him for Jacob in the end. I know it was only because of Emily's intervention that Sam allowed me to come over once a week for dinner.

I slouched over to the kitchen table and slumped into a chair.

Sam fussily arranged Logan in his high chair and then joined me.

"So," he cleared his throat. "Have you talked to your mother?" He asked gruffly.

Oh my God. Seriously?

I scowled at him. "She tell you to ask me that?" I jerked my head at Emily who was shoving Cody out the side door of the house. "Because I already had this conversation with Dear Abby over there and I told her I would handle it."

Sam scratched his ear and said, "Well no offense Embry, but your way of handling it is by avoidance."

I narrowed my eyes. "Have you been watching Dr. Phil?" I accused.

"No," he said, reaching down to absently pick up the spoon Logan had tossed onto the floor. "I just know how you are. You're going to have to make amends with her eventually."

"Sam's right," Emily said as she joined us at the table.

"You know what? No matter how much you two love each other, my hate for you both will always be stronger," I grumped.

"Again with the avoidance. You always toss out some smartass comment to get people to drop a subject that makes you uncomfortable, but it's not going to work. Not this time." Sam informed me.

I slapped my hand over my heart. "God you are so right. I _am_ avoiding it. Sam…..it's like you're a conduit into my very soul." I dropped my hand and blew a raspberry.

Sam tossed his hands in the air. "I give up," he growled.

I gave myself a mental high five. Sam was so easy to break I almost felt bad. Almost. I paused in my mental congratulations however when I noticed Emily giving me a disgusted glare.

I made a come on gesture at her. "Bring it on."

"Fine. I think you're scared. I think you're a scared little boy who needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions."

"Let me just stop you right there before you continue to rip a page right out of Psychology for Beginners. I didn't do anything. I kept a secret that _you_-"Here I stabbed a finger at Sam, "-told me I had to keep. In fact you made it so that I _couldn't_ tell her even if I wanted to. Within the span of one week I found out that I was a freak of nature and that my mother had been lying to me my whole life about who my father was. I think I handled that with an enormous amount of both dignity and aplomb considering the circumstances. Meanwhile my mother's behavior reflected her evolution into the meanest bitch that Bette Davis never played. So I ask you, why do I have to be the bigger person here?"

"Because she's your mother," Emily said simply. "That's why. You only get one. Just think about talking to her, okay?"

I groaned and scrubbed my face briskly with my hands. "No, I can't talk to her. She's irrational."

"She's not irrational. She's a mother who saw her son slipping away and it terrified her. I honestly believe she thought if she played you hard handed she would get you to open up to her. I hate to tell you this darling, but you are not the easiest person to talk to. You're aloof, you're distant, and you are quite frankly very cold."

"Wow Emily, do you need to borrow a quarter for that judgment call? And by the way all those words mean the same thing."

"You know what Embry? Forget it. I'm obviously not getting through to you at all." Emily's shoulders slumped in defeat.

I chewed my lip and stared at the table. I hate to admit it but her assessment of my personality left me feeling vaguely unsettled. I realize I'm not the most amicable of people, but I don't think I'm cold. It actually hurt a little that Emily thought that of me.

"All right," I said with a sigh. "I'll think about it, okay? I can't make any promises, but I will really take your advice into consideration." I hated that I was rolling over so easily, but it seemed pointless to belabor the topic anymore. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to take a stab at talking to my mother.

"Will you really? Or are you just saying that to placate me?"

"Look who you're talking to. Do I ever do anything to placate anyone?"

"Not usually," she said.

"Well there you go then." I rubbed my hands together. "Okay woman now where's my dinner?"

Sam slapped me upside the head. "Do not refer to my wife as 'woman'," he chastised.

I rubbed the back of my head. "All right, all right, geez. No need to get violent."

* * *

><p>I stood on the beach for a long time staring at the souvenir store where my mother worked. From my position I could hear everything that was going on inside the shop. I could hear my mother chatting with a group of tourists, I could hear the shuffling of feet as people wandered around the small store, I could even pick out my mother's heartbeat. I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my jeans and leaned against a stand of rocks. I turned my eyes from the store and looked out across the water. It was a gloomy day and the water was a menacing black color, the waves that lapped onto the beach churning with a grayish foam.<p>

I heard my mother tell someone to have a good day and glanced back at the store. I had been waiting nearly an hour for the steady stream of visitors to leave so I could go in. I was silently wishing another flock would descend on the store so I could put off seeing my mother for as long as possible.

My relationship with my mother up until a year ago had been decent. I used to have a lot of respect for her. She had moved to La Push from Neah Bay when she was pregnant with me to start a new life among strangers. She had raised me with no help from anyone and she never got a chance to really live her life before she became a single mom. I sometimes think she regrets having me. When I was younger I would notice that every once in a while she would get this look in her eyes. A sort of sad, faraway look. I think that look said she wished she had more in her life than a bastard son and a dead end job at a souvenir shop on a beach. Even when I saw that look though, and knew that in some way I was a part of why she was sad, I never lost respect for her.

That was until the day I learned I was a wolf. My whole life my mother had told me she had moved away from the Makah reservation to get away from my father. When I phased, I realized that my father was Quileute, which meant everything my mother had ever told me about myself was a lie. It was hard enough at sixteen to deal with my destiny with the pack. But the worst part of it all was that phasing made me lose the respect I had for my mother. She was the only family I had and she had betrayed me. It was bad enough not having a father, but to realize that the man my mother had told me about for years didn't even exist was a tremendous blow. To this day I still don't know who my real father is. I have a hunch, but truthfully I don't even care anymore.

I watched as the last customer walked out of the souvenir store and then heard my mother humming to herself as she moved about the aisles. I took a deep breath and pushed myself off the rocks. I walked with trepidation towards the store. I honestly didn't know how my mother would react to seeing me. The last time we had spoken had been because I ran into her at the gas station a couple of months ago. We had exchanged hellos and how are yous before I had made a quick escape. Aside from that run in I hadn't seen her in over six months. I scuffled my way across the boardwalk and grabbed the door handle. After a moment's hesitation I pushed it open and walked inside.

I hadn't been inside the store in over a year and it was a little comforting to see that not much had changed. I heard my mother moving towards the front of the store. I leaned against the small counter to wait for her.

"Hi, can I help….." My mother's voice trailed off and she clasped her hands to her chest. "Embry," she whispered.

"Hey, Ma," I said.

My mother wrung her hands nervously. "This is such a surprise. I didn't expect…..well I didn't think," she broke off again and just stared. I saw several emotions battling for dominance on her face. The one that bugged me the most was the fear I saw in her eyes.

I busied myself with straightening up a stack of postcards on the counter as I spoke. "Yeah, I just figured, you know, I'd stop in. I was in the neighborhood."

My mother took a few tentative steps towards me. "I'm glad you did," she said softly.

I sighed and looked up from the counter. "So how have you been, Ma?"

"Everything's been fine, fine."

Translation: Everything has in fact not been fine. It amazed me that even after nearly a year of estrangement; I could still read my mother like an open book. I rubbed my eyes slowly. "So how's business?"

"Oh you know it's picking up. Tourist season and all." She shuffled closer to me and I watched as she gazed up into my eyes.

I shook my head as soon as I realized she was checking my pupils. "I'm not stoned, Ma," I said exasperatedly.

My mother at least had the decency to look chastised.

Back in the beginning when I was sneaking out of the house, my mother had become convinced that I was on drugs. She had caught me smoking pot once a couple of months before I first phased and had clung to that as an explanation for my behavior. It developed into a daily argument between us up until the time I moved out.

"I didn't say anything," she said.

"You were checking."

"Well I worry about you, Embry. You're my son and I still love you, no matter what," she said in a sudden rush.

"Oh my God," I muttered. Unbelievable. She actually still thinks it's drugs.

"I just think that if we got you some help," she added. "We could go right now-"

"Ma-"I tried to interrupt but she was on a roll.

"Do you have anything on you? We can throw it away together."

I gave her an incredulous look. "Yeah, ten grams of meth and twenty ounces of heroin," I snapped sarcastically.

My mother's hand flew up to cover her mouth. "Are you serious?" She gasped.

"I knew this was a mistake," I said. Shaking my head, I turned back to the door.

"No, Embry wait!" My mother shouted. "Please just talk to me!"

I turned back and glared at her. "About what? My obvious drug addiction? Do you honestly think so little of me? Do you?"

She threw her hands up in frustration. "Well what in the hell am I supposed to think, Embry? Tell me! You were out all hours of the night, you started lying all the time, you stopped looking me in the eyes! I didn't even know my own son anymore!"

"What do you want from me? I had stuff to deal with that didn't concern you! Stuff you wouldn't understand!" I yelled.

"Then help me understand! I need to know what happened to you! You were always such a good kid, and then overnight you changed. Everything about you changed. Your looks, your personality, everything. Even now you're different. I can feel how warm you are, it's radiating off of you like a furnace."

She reached forward to touch my arm, but I jerked out of her grasp. "So you just automatically assumed that I'm doing drugs? I mean gee Ma, thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Just give me something, please Embry. Just give me anything," she begged.

"What, something other than my complete and utter contempt?" I barked. When her face crumpled at my harsh words a wave of guilt swept through me.

My mother took a shuddering breath, a look of hurt etched on her face. "I only want to help you," she whispered.

"I don't need help. I've been doing just fine on my own."

"Embry, I just want to be a part of your life again. I'm your mother. I want to be here for you." Her face was drawn and she suddenly looked twenty years older than she was.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Look," I finally said. "Let's just…let's just start over." I opened my eyes and gazed at her. "I came here to see how you were doing. I came here to let you know that I'm doing fine. I'm working, I'm in school…..I'm fine. I'm not doing drugs, I haven't knocked anyone up, and I haven't been arrested for anything."

"You're in school? I didn't know that," she said quietly.

"What, you didn't pry that out of Emily when you talked to her the other day?"

She shook her head. "No, I just asked her to talk to you. Everyone you know is so closed mouthed when I ask any questions about you. I assumed it was because they didn't want me to know the truth."

"That I'm a drug addict?" I asked. "Don't you realize how it makes me feel that you think the worst of me?"

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know what else to think. I'll tell you that I'm sorry a thousand times if you need me to. I just want to know my son again. I'm begging you to let me into your life. Don't keep shutting me out."

"It's not that easy," I said with a sigh.

"I only want a second chance. Please. I miss my son." The desperation in her voice was heartbreaking.

It hit me that I wasn't being entirely fair to my mother. After she had caught me smoking pot, the lying and sneaking around had begun. It only made sense that she would cling to that as an explanation for my behavior. I in turn had clung to the fact that I was pissed that my own mother didn't know me well enough to realize that my problems had nothing to do with drugs. I realized that I wasn't pissed at her for thinking that was the reason I had become distant. I was pissed because I couldn't confront her about what was truly making me angry. She had lied to me about my father. Plain and simple, I was angry that she lied about my father and I couldn't talk to her about it. It didn't make the fact that she _had_ lied to me any easier to swallow, but I also knew deep down that it wasn't rational for me to keep punishing her. And to be honest…..in a lot of ways, I missed her too.

I leaned forward onto the counter; my hands clasped together, my head hanging. "I can't make any promises," I said slowly. I looked over at her. "I can't make any promises because I might not be able to keep them."

"All I'm asking is that you try," she said.

"What about you?" I asked. "Will you try?"

"Embry, I've been trying for a year," she reminded me.

I couldn't really argue that point. When I had left home she had called me every day for two months. I call screened like a rock star to avoid her. She had also shown up on our doorstep every day for three months. I made Quil be the bad guy while I slipped out the back door. After a while the daily calls and drop ins became less and less frequent. After six months they had stopped all together. In her defense, I hadn't made any of this easy on her.

I stood up. "I promise that I'll try," I resolved.

She gave me a hopeful look. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean you gave birth to me, it's the least I can do." I paused. "Sorry, it's a bad time to joke."

"No it was just a bad joke," she said with a small smile.

The corners of my mouth twitched. "Yeah, it wasn't one of my better efforts."

My mother reached forward again and this time I let her pat me clumsily on the arm. "I'm really glad you came in," she said. "I know we have a lot to work out and it means the world to me that you took the first step." She smiled again.

I knew none of this was going to be easy and I didn't have any delusions that things between my mother and I would ever be the same again, but in that one moment, I remembered something important. Something that Emily had been saying over and over again.

"Well you know…you're my mom. I only get one."


	3. Human Behavior

**Chapter title taken from the song "Human Behavior" by Björk from the album "Debut".**

* * *

><p><em>"If you ever get close to a human and human behavior<em>

_Be ready to get confused"_

_-Björk_

* * *

><p>"What do you think he wants?" Quil asked me for the fifth time in as many minutes.<p>

"I already told you I don't know," I replied.

"Well, but I mean, what do you think this is about?"

I groaned. "I have no new information since you last asked me that question."

Jacob had called Quil that morning and had asked us to meet him in Forks at noon. I was surprised by the location. Usually if Jacob wanted to call a pack meeting we had it in La Push. It all seemed a little hinky to me. Not to mention the fact that Seth and Leah, both members of our pack as well, had not been asked to attend this impromptu meeting.

Quil nervously chewed his nails and stared out the window of my truck. "Do you think he's kicking us out of his pack?"

I thought about that for a moment. "No," I finally said. "That would be ludicrous. He wouldn't have any reason to kick us out." As I said it, I started to wonder if maybe that_ was_ the case. Maybe he thought we'd lost our edge or that he didn't need us anymore. There hadn't been much activity since our encounter with the Italian vampires nearly a year ago. Perhaps he thought he didn't need to have a full pack. If he thought we weren't good enough to be in his pack anymore well… a part of me – the wolf part – ached at the very thought. To be asked to leave the pack would be a devastating blow. The other part of me though –the part I tried to keep as deep down as possible – whispered spitefully 'good let him kick me out'. Then I'll be free to leave this place and never look back. Of course I immediately reprimanded myself for the self-centered thought. As badly I wanted to leave La Push, I couldn't let my selfish desires come before the pack. No matter how depressed that prospect made me. Which for the record was very depressed.

My windshield wipers thunked melodically as I drove. The rain was coming down in sheets and my windows were fogging up on the inside. I leaned forward and rubbed a clear patch on the windshield. Next to me on the bench seat, Quil's legs bounced rapidly with nerves. He was making the whole cab of the truck rock back and forth.

"Dude, will you chill out? Please? I'm sure this is nothing. He probably just needs help with something."

Quil nodded but didn't respond. His legs still bounced.

I pulled into the parking lot of the McDonald's Jake had designated as our meeting place. His car was already there, Jacob still sitting in the driver's seat. I pulled up next to him and rolled down my window. A shock of cold rain hit me in my face and caused my breath to hitch in my chest. I sputtered and coughed.

"We going in?" I finally managed to ask Jake after catching my breath.

He shook his head no. "Follow me, okay?"

A frown creased my brow at the weirdness of his tone and demeanor but I acquiesced to his request.

I put my truck back in gear and followed Jake through downtown Forks.

"That's kind of strange, huh?" I asked Quil.

He gave me a worried look, but didn't answer.

After a few more minutes of driving I realized where Jake was leading us.

"We're going to the Cullen's," I said to Quil.

Quil sat up straighter on his seat. "Why do you think he's taking us there?"

"Don't know buddy. He must have a good reason for it though; otherwise he wouldn't be doing it."

Even though our pack has a truce with the Cullen's, and Jacob had imprinted on Edward and Bella's daughter Renesmee, that didn't mean we were any more comfortable spending time with the bloodsuckers on a social basis. Especially in their territory.

I tailed Jake up the long driveway to the Cullen's large home and parked my truck next to his car.

Quil and I both hesitated before getting out of the truck. Jake had already jumped out of his car and took off at a jog, motioning us towards the front door.

Quil and I exchanged a look but hurried after him, if only to get out of the driving rain.

We met up on the Cullen's front porch.

"What's this all about?" I asked Jake as he went to open the front door.

"Let's just talk inside, okay?"

We trailed Jake into the large foyer of the home. The house was dark and cold and despite the fact that cool temperatures don't affect me, I felt a chill run down my spine.

"All right what's going on?" Quil asked, a pleading tone in his question.

Jacob went to respond, but at that moment Edward and Bella joined us in the foyer.

"Jacob, why don't we sit in the living room." Bella beckoned us into the large room off the entrance of their home.

Slowly Quil and I moved into the living room.

"Have a seat," Edward said, joining Bella on one of the large couches that adorned the room.

"I'll stand, thanks," Quil said quickly. "Just tell me what this is all about."

"Look Quil. I asked you here because I wanted to talk to you about Nessie's birthday party," Jacob said as he sat with Bella and Edward.

I made a face. "We're here about a kid's birthday party?" I couldn't keep the disbelief out of my voice. "All this cloak and dagger crap was about party hats and birthday cake?" I flopped onto one of the sofas and sighed.

"No," Jacob glared at me then looked back at Quil. "Quil, you know that Nessie and Claire enjoy spending time together, right?"

Quil nodded slowly. "Yeah. What of it?"

"Well Nessie would really like for Claire to be at her party."

Quil was already shaking his head no before he spoke. "Here? No fuckin' way man."

My eyes widened at Quil's use of the mother of all curses. Don't get me wrong, it's not like the guy was a saint or anything, but ever since he had been spending time with Claire, he had cleaned up his language. Even when he wasn't with Claire it wasn't unusual to hear him muttering things like 'for the love of Pete', 'jiminy Christmas' and my personal favorite 'fudge bunnies' in place of foul words. So his curse just then let me know he was _really_ pissed.

Jacob jumped up. "It would really mean a lot to Nessie to have her there. She doesn't have any friends other than Claire. It would be nice if there was someone nearer her age for Nessie to play around with."

"Well Jake, you're Nessie's age…emotionally," I piped up helpfully from the couch. I was hoping my joke would diffuse some of the tension in the room. Yeah…..it didn't.

"Shut up, Embry," Jacob snapped. "Look just because Nessie looks and acts much older than her age doesn't mean that she doesn't still want to be a kid. She loves hanging out with Claire. So what do you say Quil?"

Quil shook his head more violently. "No. Absolutely not. How can you even ask me to bring Claire to a house full of bloodsuckers?"

Edward stood up, a frown on his face. "Look, I understand your hesitation, but it's not going to be a bunch of random vampires. It's just going to be us-"

"Meaning all you Cullen's?" I asked. I had moved to the edge of my seat, ready to intervene if things got out of hand.

"Yes, all us Cullen's." Edward imitated my somewhat disgusted tone.

Quil was still shaking his head rapidly back and forth. "No, no way, it's not up for discussion."

"Quil, Nessie loves Claire and would really like for her to be at the party," Bella said.

Quil gave me an incredulous look. "Why are we still having this conversation? Do they not get what no means?" He spat at me.

I threw my hands into the air. "Don't look at me, man. I don't want to get involved."

"Quil, Claire will be perfectly safe here," Jake said. "I mean she and Nessie play together all the time."

Technically from what I'd seen Nessie was a glorified babysitter when it came to playing with Claire. However they did seem to have a good time together. Not that I was going to say anything about it.

"It's not the same, Jake!" Quil shouted. "It's one thing for them to play together when it's just you and me. It's something entirely different when Claire would be exposed to a room full of leeches! I won't do it! I won't risk her like that!"

"Quil, calm down." Jake said softly.

"No I won't calm down! This is bullshit. The answer is no." Quil turned to leave, but then stopped and looked back at Jacob. He shook his head slowly. "I can't believe you of all people would ambush me like this," he said quietly, the hurt evident in his voice. With that he stalked out of the living room and a moment later the front door slammed like a gunshot causing me to jump slightly.

I gave a low whistle then slowly stood up from the sofa and looked around the room. "Well I guess I'll be going," I said awkwardly.

Jacob glared at me. "Yeah go. Some help you were," he said peevishly.

"Jake," Bella said gently.

I stared at Jacob, my mouth agape. "What the hell, man? What did you want from me?"

"You could have helped me convince him that Claire would have been fine here! That's the whole reason I wanted you to be here in the first place."

"Well why didn't you ask Seth to come then? I mean no offense," I looked at Edward and Bella as I said this, "But I've never been a champion of vampires. Seth on the other hand, spent almost as much time here as you. He would have been a better choice."

"It's Quil we're talking about. He listens to you!" Jacob snapped.

"Well you know what? Maybe if you would have told me what this was all about, rather than be all secret secret about it, I could have helped you. But honestly? I don't know if I would have helped even if I did know." I shook my head. "Remember back when you first became Alpha? How you were always worried about screwing up and stuff? Well I hate to say it, but man, this was your Bay of Pigs."

"What?" Jacob shouted disbelievingly.

"I'm sorry, but I agree with Quil. This was a really shitty thing to do to him. You should have talked to him one on one at home." I tossed my hands helplessly into the air. "Sorry," I said again. "I'm going to go, okay?" I nodded curtly at Edward and Bella and made my way out of the house.

I jogged through the rain to my truck. Quil was already in the passenger seat staring stonily ahead. He didn't look at me as I climbed in to join him.

I moved to turn the truck on, and then stopped, my hand still on the keys. I glanced over at Quil. "I'm sorry, man. I didn't know anything about this."

Quil swallowed hard. "I know," he choked out. "Just take me home please."

I sighed and started the truck. As I turned around in the driveway, I saw Jake standing on the front porch, arms crossed over his chest, watching us leave.

A violent shiver suddenly ran through Quil and for a moment I became panicked that he was going to phase right in the cab of my Ford. In fact I was shocked he hadn't already phased considering I could practically taste the anger exuding off of him. After a moment though his quaking subsided. "I can't believe he did that to me," he whispered, his voice cracking.

I reached over and patted his shoulder. "Hey, I know he didn't go about it the right way, but remember – he feels the same way about Nessie as you do about Claire. He just wants her to be happy and have a great party with her friend. I mean you have to know that he would never put Claire in harm's way."

Quil glared at me. "So what, you're taking his side?"

I quickly shook my head. "No man, I'm not. I already told him that I didn't agree with what he did. I'm just trying to get you to see that he didn't do it to intentionally hurt you. That's all."

"Whatever," Quil muttered. He returned to staring coldly out the window.

Knowing I wasn't going to get anything else out of him until he calmed down, I concentrated on driving us back to La Push.

* * *

><p>At home, I barely had my truck in park before Quil jumped out of the cab and stormed into the house. I got out more slowly and made my way inside.<p>

Seth was standing by the door and he gave me a quizzical look as I walked in.

"What the hell was that about?" He asked.

"Jake kind of waylaid Quil about something regarding Claire and Quil didn't take it too well," I told him. I winced as I heard Quil raging around in his room.

"Should we talk to him?" Seth sounded concerned.

I shook my head. "Just let it be for now. When he calms down we can try talking to him-"

Something crashed in Quil's room and Seth and I both jumped. "Yep, in about ten years when he calms down, we can try talking to him," I amended.

* * *

><p>"Well you better be the one to tell him," Seth was telling me.<p>

"Let's just see if he brings it up," I said.

It was the morning following the incident between Quil and Jacob. We were meeting for our once weekly dawn patrol. It was my least favorite patrol of the week for two reasons. It required me to be out of bed before six in the morning and it meant that I was doubly tired when I went into work later in the day. When I had woken up that morning and tried to rouse Quil, he had flatly refused to come to patrol. Now Seth and I were arguing over who was going to be the one to break the news to Jacob. Even though Jake was Alpha, he never really liked telling us what to do. That doesn't mean that he didn't do it –he had grown into the role of Alpha better than he thought he would- but it did always leave a sort of bitter taste in his mouth.

"Where's Quil?" Jacob snapped as soon as he saw Seth and I walk into the clearing.

Seth busied himself by looking anywhere but at Jacob, whistling as his head moved rapidly around.

I concentrated on a very interesting patch of grass and avoided Jacob's eyes as I spoke. "He's not coming."

Jacob huffed. "He's not coming?"

"Ummm, no."

"What he's still pissed?"

I looked up. "Well, yeah Jake, he's still pissed."

"This is unacceptable," Jacob frowned. "Just because he's mad at me doesn't mean he doesn't still have a responsibility to this pack."

I tossed my arms into the air helplessly. "I don't know what to tell you. He's pissed and he's not coming."

"What did he say?" Jacob asked.

"He said, and I quote, 'tell Jake he can go to hell' end quote."

Jacob paced in a small circle, a look of rage on his face. "This is just unacceptable."

"Yeah, you said that already," I sighed. "What's the big deal? Just give him time to cool off and he'll come around. If you want another wolf on patrol get Leah."

At the sound of his sister's name Seth stopped whistling and glared at me.

"Leah's in Seattle," Jacob snapped. "I need Quil."

I chewed my lip and then said cautiously,"Well, you could apologize to him."

"FOR WHAT?" Jacob yelled.

"For, oh I don't know, being kind of a jackass," I suggested.

Seth quickly began whistling again. "Oh hey look," he said. "Flowers." He wandered further down the edge of the clearing.

Jacob and I both ignored him.

"I was the jackass?" Jacob said his tone cantankerous. "No he was the one who completely blew things out of proportion."

"Dude," I said slowly. "You asked him to bring his imprint into a house full of leeches. How was he supposed to react?"

"Like a rational human being!" Jacob snapped.

"Oh no no," I said. "You of all people should know that when it comes to a wolf's imprint, there is nothing rational about it."

Jacob sighed resignedly. "Whatever. Let's just patrol and get this over with." He looked over at Seth. "SETH!"

Seth jumped as though he had been goosed and hustled back over to us. "Yeah Jake?"

"Let's get to work." Jacob stomped off towards the woods and phased, not even bothering to remove his clothes before doing so.

Seth and I glanced at each other. "You think-"Seth began. His thought was interrupted by a menacing snarl from Jacob who was standing at the edge of the woods eyeing us.

"Not now," I said to Seth. We quickly stripped and phased, then followed Jacob's retreating form into the woods.

* * *

><p>"You went on patrol with him?" Quil shouted.<p>

I looked up at Quil from where I was stretched on the sofa and sighed. "What did you expect, Quil?"

"That you were on my side! That you wouldn't help him!"

"Not that I had much of a choice," I reminded him, "But I will tell you that it was obvious in the way that I patrolled that it was a gesture of protest."

Quil paced in front of the couch as he spoke. "Well did he at least say he was going to apologize for ambushing me?"

I made a face. "No he did not say he was going to apologize."

Quil stopped pacing and glared at me. "He's not going to apologize?"

I jumped up from the couch. "Okay, you know what? This whole thing is ridiculous. And I'm tired of being in the middle of it. I have to be at work in like three hours and I would like to take a nap so here's what we're going to do. We are going over to Jake's and you two are going to work this thing out like the civilized adults that I know you can both be so I can get some sleep and go to work and not deal with this crap anymore got it?"

Quil gave me a petulant look and shook his head no.

"Quil, I'm serious. Yes, I think Jake was wrong for asking you the way that he did. But Nessie is his imprint and he wants her to be happy. Just like you want Claire to be happy. So right now we are going to get in my truck, you are going to check your pissy attitude at the door, and this issue is getting settled once and for all."

"Yeah, it is," Jake said through our screen door. "Can I come in?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

Jacob stepped into the house. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts and looked at the ground as he spoke. "Look, Quil. I'm sorry. It wasn't right for me to ambush you like that. I should have come here to talk to you."

"Yeah, you should have," Quil snapped.

"Quil, he's trying to apologize. Would you give him a break?" I said.

"Well for what it's worth," Jacob continued. "I'm sorry. I should have never asked you to put Claire into a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. I was very wrong, and I'm really, truly sorry."

Quil nodded slowly. "Okay." He said.

Jacob looked up. "Okay what?"

"Okay apology accepted." Quil held his hand out to Jacob.

"There, don't you both feel so much better now that you've kissed and made up?" I said.

Jacob and Quil both grinned at me. "Hey you guys want something to drink?" Quil asked as he headed towards the kitchen.

"Iced Tea me," Jacob said. He reached out and pulled me closer to him. "Hey man, thanks for what you said. I mean, you know, for saying you were going to bring him over so we could talk. I know how stubborn Quil can be."

"Shut up, I don't need your accolades," I said. "I know how awesome I am."

Jacob shook his head. "And now you're just back in the running for smartass of the decade."

I hung my head humbly. "Hey, I'm just happy to be nominated. Now if you two beasts will keep the makeup sex noises to a minimum, I want to take a nap before I have to go to work."

* * *

><p>"SERVICE LINE ONE PLEASE! SERVICE LINE ONE!"<p>

The page echoed over the dealership's intercom system and I flinched as I usually did when the screech of our receptionist's voice grated in my very sensitive ears. I opened my mouth and tried to pop my ears in hopes of relieving the slight pain. After a minute I took a breath and went back to work on the Lexus in my bay. I tried to tune out the noise of air guns, pneumatic wrenches, and the machines used to grind brakes. I usually wore earplugs at work, but even those couldn't drown out the constant stream of noise that is common of any service garage.

I finished my work on the Lexus and started it to make sure the new ignition switch I had installed was working. When the engine purred like a kitten I smiled, satisfied with the job I had done. Like I said before I don't love the job, but I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist. My attention to detail sometimes annoyed my fellow mechanics but I say it's not worth doing if it's not done right.

I made some final notes on the Lexus' repair order and carried the paperwork up to the service desk.

Jay, the service manager, glanced up at my approach. "Done, Em?" he asked, a distracted tone in his voice.

I nodded and dropped the repair order on the service desk.

"Do me a favor, will ya," Jay said.

I shrugged. "Sure."

"Go over the paperwork with the owner."

I frowned. "That's your job," I said slowly.

"I'm swamped up here. Help me out, huh? Can you take her through the paperwork?"

I sighed heavily. As much as I dislike my job, I hate the customers even more. Working in a luxury car dealership was worse than most. The customers we had were generally uptight business types and token trophy wives who felt that mechanics were a lower form of humanity and made sure we knew it.

Jay stopped poring over the papers spread out on the desk and looked up at me again. "Come on man, I really need the help today."

"Fine," I grumbled. I leaned against the desk while Jay typed my notes into the computer system and printed the customer's final paperwork. I grabbed it from his outstretched hand with a scowl and narrowed my eyes at him. "You owe me. Huge. You know how much I hate talking to people."

Jay smirked. "Oh I know. You hate pretty much everyone, excepting those who bring to the table the possibility of you getting laid."

"That's right," I said.

I pushed myself from the counter and made my way into the customer lounge. Don't get me wrong I don't generally hate people as a principle, I just tend to be reserved and quiet and a lot of people take that for snobbery. I can't even count the number of times someone told me they thought I was stuck up because I wouldn't talk to them, and when I did talk it was in short, stilted phrases. It doesn't help that I'm pretty shy as well. I mean, I just don't speak unless I really have something to say. It's always been my way.

There were several customers in the lounge when I walked in the door so I glanced down at the paperwork in my hand and cleared my throat. "Ummm…..Mrs. Reilly?" Did I mention that public speaking is also not my forte?

No one in the room looked up so I cleared my throat again and spoke a little louder. "Mrs. Reilly?"

A young woman looked up from her magazine. "That's me," she said with a wave of her hand. She stood up and gathered her things together before walking up to me. "Though it's Miss not Mrs."

"Ummm sorry," I mumbled.

Did I also mention that when talking to a hot girl I tend to freeze up and/or turn into a babbling idiot? No? Well I do. And this girl was hot. If I was really obnoxious I would go so far as to say she was hott. But I'm not obnoxious. She was blonde, which I normally wasn't into, but it wasn't that peroxided blonde with the dark roots that I really hated. It was a nice reddish blonde. Her eyes were a bright blue and seemed very kind, a trait not often seen in our customers. She wasn't super pale like say a leech, but she wasn't tan either. She had a very nice sort of peachy complexion which I found quite appealing. Her clothes were obviously expensive, but they were very classy and understated. They didn't scream DO ME like a lot of outfits I see girls wearing these days which was good. I like it when a little something is left to the imagination. Plus she smelled really good. Like lemons and clean linen. I had to try really hard not to inhale deeply. That sometimes creeps people out.

"Hello?"

I jerked out of my reverie and realized I had been staring at her. Awesome, way to be disturbing right off the bat. "Sorry," I said again.

She smiled. "It's fine." She leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, "I was checking you out too."

My already hot skin burned even hotter with embarrassment. Now I had to wonder if she was hitting on me. Could she be? Doubtful, rich white chicks don't hit on guys like me. In fact-

"Embry?"

"Huh?" I said stupidly, and then wrinkled my brow. "How'd you know my name?"

She pointed towards my chest. "It's on your shirt."

I looked down at myself. Oh yes. There it is.

"I'm Jill by the way," she said pointedly.

"Oh, right yeah, hi, sorry." See? Babbling.

"So did you figure out what was wrong with my car?"

I nodded like an idiot. It felt like my head was attached to one of those toys that pop out of a wind up box.

Jill stared at me. After a moment she said, "You going to share the 411 with me or do I guess like on a game show?" She let out a small giggle. It was very cute.

"Right, sorry. Ummm, yeah you needed a new ignition switch. I replaced it."

She looked up, a slightly confused expression on her face.

I shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. "Soooo…." I trailed off.

Jill nodded. "Okay. Let's pretend something for a minute."

She looked like she was waiting for me to respond so I said quietly, "Okay."

"Let's pretend that you're the mechanic and I'm not. What's an ignition switch?"

I suppose if she wasn't hot I would have been offended by that, but she was hot so I decided to forgive her.

"It's just what it sounds like. When you put your key into the lock cylinder and turn it, the ignition switch connects the starter to the battery. Basically if your ignition switch fails, your car won't start. Ergo, I replaced your ignition switch. Your car will now start. The cashier is over there." I handed her the paperwork and pointed out the cashier's window. Best to end the painfully embarrassing babbling as soon as humanly possible.

Jill laughed and shook her head. "You're very blunt aren't you?"

I blinked a couple of times. "I guess so," I muttered.

Danger, danger, danger! I almost looked around for the red flashing lights. I needed to end this conversation and fast before I succeeded in completely humiliating myself. Well more than I already had.

"I like it. It's very refreshing."

Whoa, hold the phone. After my embarrassing display wherein I ogled her without speaking, then practically threw her paperwork in her face, she's saying that she likes me? Could it be true? I should probably be having any number of reservations at this point-

"Embry!"

Wow I have got to stop doing that. Sometimes I can't help myself though. I get into these internal monologues and…..see what I mean?

"Yes, sorry," I said again.

"Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?"

"I'm sorry, what now?"

"You know, dinner?" Jill mimicked eating than pointed at herself. "With me?"

"Dinner?" I sounded like I had never heard the word before. Oh my God please let it stop! My brain could not seem to connect to my mouth. "Ummm, yes, okay yeah, sure, yeah." Gah!

Jill smiled. "Great. Here's my number." She ripped off a corner of her magazine than reached over and grabbed my pen from my hand.

All the little hairs on my arm stood up when her fingers brushed against my skin. I probably should have been more worried that she was a bit domineering and more than a little outgoing, but all I could really think of was the fact that I stood nearly a foot taller than her which made it very easy to see down her blouse. Her bra was white with little pink and red cherries. I liked it.

"So I'm going to go pay my bill. Give me a call when you get off and we can work out the details." Jill capped the pen and stuck it in my shirt pocket along with her number.

"That's my last name." Oh my God again with the stupid replies. Maybe she just asked me out because she thought I was "special".

"Your last name is Details?" Jill inquired.

I shook my head. "No it's Call. You said give me a call, my name is Call, so you're already sort of getting a Call before I call….." I trailed off.

Can you believe she did not double over in unbridled spasms of hilarity at that? I was floundering badly and I knew it was time to get out before she ripped her number right back out of my pocket.

"Okay," I said as I backed towards the service garage door. "Well….bye."

I turned and bolted through the service door as quickly as possible. At my clamoring entrance, Jay looked up from his desk.

"What the hell were you doing up there, Call? Translating the paperwork into the Native tongue or whatever? Cripes you were gone almost fifteen minutes!"

I swaggered over to the service desk and pulled Jill's number from my pocket. Now that I was back in a comfortable setting I could afford to be a little smug. Waving it in front of Jay's face I said, "I'd be insulted by your reference to my race if I didn't have a hottie's number in my hand. And oh yeah she totally asked me out."

I gave a cocky smirk and placed the number back in my pocket.

"Bullshit," Jay said. "A hot chick asked you out?"

"Yep. Guess it's a good thing you had me take her paperwork in for you, huh?" With a little skip I made my way back to my service bay, Jay's curses following in my wake.


	4. Across the Sky

**First let me thank those of you who have reviewed. I really appreciate you taking the time to leave comments!**

**Chapter title taken from the song "Across the Sky" by Emilie Autumn from the album "Enchant"**

* * *

><p><em>"Look into the shadows, step into the mist<em>

_Search your land but doubt never I still exist."_

_-Emilie Autumn_

* * *

><p>The minute I walked into the lobby of the restaurant Jill and I had agreed to meet at, I got a very bad feeling. It was a lot fancier than I had expected. Jill had suggested it and since my end of the conversation had consisted of a lot of 'umms' and 'yeahs' I was just happy she was still willing to meet up with me. Now I was thinking we should have met at Applebee's or something. I mean any restaurant called "Mangez Bien" wasn't a place I wanted to consume anything.<p>

As I stood in the lobby I tugged nervously at my T- shirt. I hadn't bothered to bring a change of clothes to work with me as I had assumed I would be heading straight home. Unfortunately that meant I was stuck wearing the plain black T-shirt I wear under my work uniform. Standing there in a T-shirt and slightly dirty pants, I was feeling extremely self-conscience. Especially with the Maitre'd staring me down like I had "Property of the State" tattooed on my forehead.

"I'm waiting for someone," I finally said abruptly after he threw yet another dirty glance in my direction.

"Of course sir," he said, his voice laced with contempt. "But perhaps you'd be more comfortable waiting outside."

I looked outside where it was currently pouring rain and made a face. "No I think I'm fine here."

The Maitre'd - whose name was Roland by the way, who the hell is named Roland? – glared at me.

"It's just that this is a high end establishment and you…" He waved a hand at me, but didn't finish the sentence.

"I'm sorry?" Was this guy serious?

"Well it's just that our clientele are not usually…" he trailed off again.

I snorted in disbelief. "The clientele aren't usually what? Mechanics? Native American?"

"Sir, I'm only saying that perhaps next time you could dress a little more appropriately."

I wanted to say that perhaps the next time he spoke to me I would stick my boot up his ass, but I refrained. What a complete tool. I was just beginning to wonder if I should cut my losses and bolt at the speed of mach, like, infinity rather than deal with him anymore, when Jill walked in.

The minute I saw her, my anger at the Maitre'd lessened a bit. She was wearing a very attractive dress in black and white. The hem of the dress just skimmed the middle of her thighs. Not to revealing, but just right. As I watched her approach I decided Jill was definitely worth taking a little abuse at the hands of a complete jackass.

She walked up to me, confidence exuding in her every step. "Hi, you made it," she said.

"Umm, yeah what…how're you doing?" Can you believe I don't date more often? I'm so awesome at it.

Jill smiled. "I'm fine. I'm glad you made it. I thought maybe you wouldn't come."

"Yeah well, I always come when I say I'm going to."

"Good to know," Jill grinned.

My eyes widened as I realized how that sounded. "What? No, wow, okay that came out very wrong. I totally didn't mean the double entendre that that was. I'm really sorry, I suck at this." I ducked my head when I felt my cheeks burning with embarrassment.

"It's fine, I knew what you meant," Jill said with a giggle.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

Jill gave me a beguiling smile. "You're sweet. And very tall by the way. How tall are you?"

I shrugged. "Umm, I don't know like six three, six four, something like that."

"Wow that's tall."

"Yeah, though I'm not the tallest guy I know. There are a few guys taller than me on the rez, so….yeah. We can practically have our own basketball team." I gave a nervous chuckle. It sounded a little maniacal and I winced internally. Maybe I should just carry around a cardboard cutout of a hot chick and put a little sign on it that says 'If You Are This Hot Do Not Speak to Me Lest I Make a Complete Fool of Myself'. That'd keep 'em away if my sparkling personality and outstanding conversational skills didn't do the trick.

"The rez?"

"Umm, yeah, the Quileute rez in La Push."

"So you're Native American?" Jill sounded shocked. "Wow, I just thought you had a great tan."

I gave her a bewildered look. She wasn't serious right? "Sorry, what?"

Jill burst out laughing at my confusion. "Embry, I'm totally joking with you."

"Oh." I couldn't think of anything to say. An awkward silence filled the air and I was really beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea at all. This chick was way out of my league and maybe she had just realized that. It seemed like forever before Jill spoke again, and thank God she did because at that point the sands of time had all but washed back into the ocean.

"I've never been to La Push, though I've heard it's really pretty up there."

I had just opened my mouth to speak when the Maitre'd cleared his throat rudely. "Would you care to be seated?"

"Oh yes, thank you," Jill told him.

His eyes roved up and down me again and with a sneer he said, "I found a lovely table in the back."

I made a face. "Actually I was hoping to get a table put right here." I indicated the middle of the lobby. "That way everyone can check out the badly dressed mechanic eating at your 'high end' establishment."

Jill gave me a quizzical look.

Roland glanced nervously at Jill. "I'm quite sure I don't know what you're talking about sir," he said snobbily.

I just shook my head. "It's okay. I understand your contempt. I mean I'd be miserable too if I had to tackle life toting around the name Roland."

Roland glared at me but just snapped up two menus and motioned a hostess over.

"Show them to table C3." He all but threw the menus at the poor girl.

"Follow me please," the hostess said confusion evident in her voice.

I patted Roland on the shoulder as I passed him and said, "Well as much as I would love to stay here and be offended, I'm going to go eat. Have a nice day, douchebag."

* * *

><p>"That was amazing," Jill said after we were seated.<p>

Roland wasn't kidding. He had us hidden so far in the rear of the restaurant I was beginning to wonder if we'd have to signal a passing ship to make our way back to land.

"What was amazing?" I asked as I unfolded my napkin and put it on my lap.

"The way you dealt with that jackass Maitre'd back there." She gave me an intrigued look.

I shrugged. "Guys like that bug me. I hate it when people think they're better than someone else."

Jill smiled. "You're not what I expected at all."

"Well, I mean you don't know me. Why would you expect anything?"

"Oh, no, I didn't mean anything by that. It's just that at the dealership this afternoon and on the phone you were sort of…." She trailed off.

"I was sort of what?" I wasn't sure I was going to like the direction this conversation was headed.

"Well, you were sort of, I don't know bumbling and nervous." At my mortified look she added, "It was cute and endearing!"

"Cute?" I groaned. "No guy wants to be referred to as cute."

"I'm sorry!" Jill leaned her elbows on the table and gave me a sexy smile. "I also thought you were totally hot."

"Oh umm, thanks." I felt myself blushing again and was thankful that my dark skin helped hide my embarrassment. "So, Jill, umm tell me something about you."

"Like what?"

"I don't care. Anything." Anything please to keep me from having to speak.

Jill thought for a moment then said,"Well I'm eighteen and I graduated in May from the Andrews-Osborne Academy."

I frowned. "Andrews? Never heard of it."

"It's a private boarding school in Ohio."

"You went to boarding school in Ohio? They have boarding schools in Ohio?" I was stumped.

Jill laughed. "Yes they have boarding schools in Ohio. Andrews has an excellent equestrian center which is why I chose to go there."

"You're into horses huh?"

Jill had a laid back air about her that I liked. It made me feel a little less self-conscience and I was actually starting to relax a bit.

"I love them," she said with a huge smile. "I have two right now, a Dutch Warmblood that we imported from the Netherlands and a Selle Français imported from France."

I nearly choked on the sip of water that I had just taken. "You imported your horses? That had to of cost a lot."

I mean I had figured Jill had money what with driving a Lexus and all, but now with the boarding school and imported horses I was beginning to wonder just how much money she really had. It was very disconcerting. Why would some rich girl be interested in a mechanic from La Push? I began to really wonder if Jill's asking me out was some sort of rebellion against her parents. Which was definitely within the realm of possibility. I could just imagine what her parents would say if I showed up at their door. I felt myself tense up again.

"Yeah, well I do jumpers and if you want to be competitive, especially back east, you have to have a good horse. It's all very snooty," she said with a laugh.

"Sounds like it," I said.

"So Embry, what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well, you said you lived on the reservation. What's that like? Where'd you go to school? How'd you end up working in Port Angeles? Give me the scoop."

"Umm, I don't know there's not much to say I was born in La Push I still live there and I work at the dealership." My words came out in a rushed jumble and I wondered if she had been able to understand anything I just said.

She reached forward and put her hand over mine. "Embry, relax. I promise I'm not going to bite."

"Yeah, sorry I can't help it," I said. "I just, I kind of suck at this, in case that wasn't painfully obvious."

She smiled. "It's okay, it's cute. "

At the look on my face she amended, "Sorry, not cute. It's charming." She took her hand off of mine and sat back in her chair. "So you grew up in La Push and work at the car dealership? That's your whole life in a nutshell?"

"Well for a while there I was in elementary school," I said.

Jill laughed. "All right. So did you graduate high school?"

I took another sip of water and nodded. "Yeah from the Tribal School."

"Did you have a high school sweetheart?" She asked with an impish grin.

I shook my head. "Not really."

"Really? That surprises me," she said.

I shrugged. "Well a lot of girls think you're weird if you're smart and I don't know how to act dumb. Well, I mean except for when I attempt to have a conversation."

"So you're smart huh?"

I frowned. "What I don't look like a smart guy?"

She held up a hand. "I didn't say that."

"Because I am," I said indignantly.

"Modest too," She laughed.

I made a face. "Who needs modesty?"

"Ohh, he's getting lively. I like it. So since you're so smart, do you plan-"Jill was interrupted by our waitress.

After we placed our orders she continued her questioning. "Do you plan on going to college?"

"I'm taking some classes at Peninsula right now." I said.

"What do you want to do?" She asked.

"I want to eventually get a degree in biochemistry," I told her.

Jill gave me a surprised look. "Really?" Her tone was one of amazement. "You didn't strike me as the science nerd type of guy."

"I like science. I like knowing how things work. Why things are the way they are. I don't just look at something and say, oh that's a pretty tree or whatever. I look at it and think, how is this tree working on a molecular level. What makes it do what it does, what makes it tick inside. I mean if you think about it, it's fascinating. Everything we see and touch on a daily basis is made up of all this matter. Take this table we're sitting at right here. It's composed of millions of molecules….." I trailed off. "Sorry I sometimes get carried away."

Jill was looking at me as though she was seeing an interesting, if somewhat perplexing animal exhibit. After a few moments when she still hadn't spoken, I began to fidget. "Sorry," I said again. "I know what you're thinking. You're thinking 'why not just throw in a filibuster on CNN and an accountant explaining how to do income taxes and make this officially the most boring date ever'."

Jill slowly shook her head. "No it's fine. I'm the one who's sorry, I don't mean to stare but I honestly didn't think you could get any sexier and then you just you know….blew me away."

My skin burned hotter than ever and I shifted my gaze to the tablecloth.

"You're_ really_ uncomfortable when I talk about how hot you are, aren't you?" Jill sounded amused.

I shrugged, but didn't look up. "Not really," I said quietly. I busied myself with picking at a loose thread in the tablecloth's elaborate embroidery and debated whether I should file a complaint with Roland about the substandard material they used to cover their 'high end' tables.

"Well I have a tendency to speak my mind. Don't worry you'll get used to it." she informed me.

"Okay," I said quietly.

We sat in silence for a few moments. Finally Jill spoke. "How come you're not going to a four year school? I mean you're very smart, and you certainly aren't old or anything. How old are you?"

"Almost twenty," I said. "But it's a moot point because I can't go anywhere."

"Sure you could. Fall semesters don't start for a few months. You could still apply and get into a really good school."

"It's not that simple," I muttered.

"Yes it is."

Ahh yes, spoken like someone who has had everything handed to her on a silver platter.

"Can we not talk about this," I snapped. "It's just not something I can do right now."

My tone surprised her and she closed her mouth abruptly. I was saved from having to apologize yet again by the arrival of our food. Unfortunately our conversation had left a bad taste in my mouth and I suddenly wasn't very hungry. I pushed my food around my plate for a few minutes and then set my fork down.

"Look, I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just things aren't always so cut and dry. There are a ton of reasons why I can't go away to college right now and it's kind of a sore subject for me. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"It's totally fine. I shouldn't have been so pushy about it. It's none of my business."

I gave a forced laugh. "Well, now that you can see what a schmuck I am when dealing with the ladies, what do you want to talk about?"

"You're not a schmuck," Jill said.

"At this point you're lucky I'm speaking in complete sentences. In case you've missed it, I'm not exactly the smoothest operator when it comes to chicks."

Jill made a face. "Well it'd probably help if you didn't refer to us as 'chicks'."

I grimaced. "See what I mean? How about you just escape while you can. I'll pretend to look the other way as you go."

"How about you give me your phone number instead."

I looked at her in surprise. "After how spectacular this date has been going so far, you actually want to hang out with me again?"

"Yes I do."

I couldn't hide my look of surprise. "Well that's aces. The bad news is I don't currently have a phone at my house." Quil had smashed the one house phone we had during the whole situation with Jacob. We hadn't had the opportunity to replace it yet.

Jill shrugged and grabbed her cell phone. "That's okay just give me your cell number. I didn't think people even used house phones anymore anyway."

"I don't have a cell phone."

Jill nearly dropped her own phone and stared at me. "You don't have a cell phone?"

I shook my head. "No."

"How can you not have a cell phone? How'd you call me this afternoon if you don't have a cell phone? I mean EVERYONE has a cell phone."

"I called you from my work phone_ because_ I don't have a cell phone. So obviously not everyone has one."

"How is that even possible? It's like basic technology."

I made a face. "Technology is for suckers," I said.

"Says the guy who wants to study biochemistry."

I laughed. "It's not that, it's just I mean La Push is literally like one square mile. Everyone I know lives there. What would I need a cell phone for? If I need to talk to someone I just walk down the street."

"How about for when a girl who is really into you wants to get in touch with you. How about for that?"

"Well to be fair that doesn't happen that often," I said.

"I don't believe that."

When I didn't respond she added, "Well what if there's an emergency? What if you're in a terrible car accident and you have to call nine-one-one? What then?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I guess I just hope that I don't get into a terrible car accident." I couldn't tell her that even if I was in a car accident I couldn't call for an ambulance anyway, lest I become a pincushion for a bunch doctors wondering how someone whose body temperature is a steady one hundred and eight degrees is still alive in the first place.

"Well how am I supposed to get in touch with you if you don't have a phone?"

I thought for a moment. "I guess you can call the Tribal Office on the rez. You can leave a message with them, they can come find me, and I can call you back."

Jill pouted. "That's an awful lot of work just for a phone call. Are you on Facebook?"

"Facebook? What's this Facebook you speak of?"

Jill's eyes widened. "Tell me you aren't serious. The no phone thing is bad enough."

I chuckled. "I know what Facebook is and no I'm not on it. Again everyone I know lives within a mile of my house. It sort of negates the need for electronic relationships."

"Okay." Jill shook her head and motioned our waitress over. "Can you box our meals up and bring the check please?" she asked when our waitress came to the table.

"No problem, I'll be right back," the waitress said.

Well, I guess I really blew it. Apparently it's in bad form to have no way of communicating electronically. Our waitress returned with our check and boxes. As she set about emptying our plates into the boxes – Styrofoam by the way, not exactly what I would call 'high end' – I took the check, over Jill's protests. She had asked me out after all she reminded me. I hushed her and counted out the payment from my wallet. For two meals the check was almost sixty bucks. I tried not to grimace too noticeably as I handed our waitress basically every cent I had in my wallet.

Jill grabbed our boxes off the table and stood up. "All right, let's go," she said.

I stood up as well and trailed in Jill's wake toward the lobby of the restaurant. I was so absorbed in my thoughts on how I had just blown my chances with her that I nearly ran smack into Roland. Barely refreshed from his first round of making me hate him, Roland gave me a nasty sneer. "Have a good evening sir," he said in a tone of voice that made it very clear he hoped I in fact did _not_ have a good evening.

I only shook my head in disgust. I wasn't in the mood for anymore verbal sparring with a complete imbecile.

Jill and I made our way outside and stood in front of the restaurant. It had stopped raining but there was still a gray mist hanging in the air.

"Well," I said. "It was nice to meet you."

"Oh you're not getting rid of me that easily," Jill laughed. "We're going for a ride."

"We are? Where?"

"Best Buy," Jill said.

"Best Buy? Why are we going to Best Buy?"

"Because we are getting you a disposable cell phone," Jill informed me.

I shifted from foot to foot awkwardly. "That's a good idea in theory, but I don't have any money to buy a phone."

"First of all those phones are really cheap-"Jill held up her hand to stop the protestation that was forming on my lips. "-secondly, it's my gift to you. I mean, I want to be able to get in touch with you and if you won't get a phone for yourself, then I'll just have to get one for you." Her tone indicated that there would be no further discussion on the subject.

I gave her a small smile. "Well, okay. You do realize though that if you buy me a phone, that means when you call, it's really still going to be me on the other end."

Jill smiled. "That's what I'm counting on."

* * *

><p>Jill pulled the Lexus into Mangez Bien's parking lot and stopped next to my truck.<p>

I looked over at her and fidgeted with the small black phone I was holding. "Well, thanks for the phone," I said.

"Thanks for dinner." Jill countered.

"Oh sure thing, no problem," I rambled. "I know you didn't really get to eat any of it, but it will make nice leftovers I'm sure-"

Jill pushed her finger against my lips. "Stop talking."

I nodded slowly. "Okay," I managed to say around her finger.

In one sudden, smooth movement, Jill was out of the driver's seat and in my lap.

"Oh, wow, okay, umm, hi, hello," I said clumsily.

"I have been wanting to do this all night," Jill whispered as she pressed her lips to mine.

After a moment she pulled back and smiled. "Just as good as I thought it would be, though I wasn't expecting you to be so warm." She pressed her palm to my cheek and frowned. "Do you feel okay? You're burning up."

"Well," I said, "It might have something to do with the gorgeous woman making out with me."

"Gorgeous, huh?" She leaned forward and kissed me again.

Man I forgot how good this could feel. I'd been so caught up with work and school and the pack that I hadn't dated anyone in ages. Jill's dress had been pushed up slightly when she had crawled out of her seat and my hands were resting on her thighs as we kissed. The smooth skin of her legs felt so delicious under my rough palms, I couldn't help the shiver that ran through me.

Jill pulled away again. "Are you sure you're okay?" She asked her voice laced with concern. "You're shivering."

"I'm okay," I managed to say hoarsely. "It's just been awhile since I've been in this position. You feel really, really good."

"How long is awhile?" Jill asked with a saucy smile.

"Too long," I admitted.

"Well we're just going to have to change that aren't we?" She pushed herself closer against me and ran her fingers through my hair, her nails scratching small circles on my scalp. I closed my eyes and swallowed heavily. My entire body was tingling in anticipation. I had just leaned forward to capture her lips in another kiss when there was a knock on the window.

I looked up into the harsh glare of a cop's flashlight that was being shone into the car. "Everything okay in here?" The cop asked gruffly.

Jill slid off my lap back into the driver's seat. I rolled the window down a crack. "Yeah, no, well, yeah we're fine. Everything's fine, yeah. We were just uhh, yeah, no, yeah." Doh. The bumbling idiot returns. I was wondering when he'd make another appearance.

"Make it quick kids. The Maitre'd called in a complaint."

Of course he did. Douchebag. "Sure thing, we were just leaving."

I rolled the window back up and groaned. "Well that was ten kinds of embarrassing," I muttered.

"I had a good time tonight, Embry," Jill said.

"You did?" I tried not to sound to dumbstruck.

"Yes, I did," she laughed. "Plus you're a really good kisser."

"Ahh, so the truth comes out. Fred Durst was right. You did in fact do it all for the nookie."

She laughed. "Damn right I did. So, I can call you right? I mean since I got you a phone and everything, it's only fair that I get to call you on it."

I nodded quickly. "You can most definitely call me."

She smiled. "Good." She leaned over and lightly brushed her lips against mine once more. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Please do." I reached down to pick up the phone from the floorboard where I had dropped it during our little make out session then opened the door and climbed out. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Jill."

I closed the door and waited until she had pulled out of the parking lot before walking over to my truck. I leaned heavily against my door for a moment. Then with a stupid grin, I climbed into the cab and started my drive back to La Push.

* * *

><p>"Where in the hell have you been?"<p>

I was startled out of my make out daze by Seth's yell as I walked in the door.

"What's your problem?" I asked.

"You got off of work at five. It's now-" Seth glanced at his watch "-ten forty two. So I ask again where in the hell were you?"

"Sorry mom, I didn't realize you wanted me to check in," I gave him an annoyed glare.

"Well we were worried," Seth said.

"I wasn't worried," Quil informed me as he joined us in the living room. "I didn't care where you were." He leaned over towards me and inhaled deeply. "Though I can take a guess as to what you were doing."

I shoved him away. "Don't do that," I said.

"I made dinner and now it's all ruined because you weren't here," Seth pouted.

"Okay first of all, Rachel Ray here heated up a family pan of lasagna, so I wouldn't exactly call that cooking. Secondly he wouldn't let me eat until you showed up," Quil grumbled.

I spied the empty lasagna pan on the stove and raised an eyebrow.

"I got tired of waiting and I'm bigger than him," Quil explained.

"So? Where were you?" Seth asked again.

"Take a whiff of him, he was with a chick. Or hanging out in Bath and Body Works, which since its Embry is entirely possible," Quil said.

I held up my arm when Seth took a step towards me. "Don't even think about it," I said.

"I like Bath and Body Works. I like that one Sweet Pea smelling lotion. Leah used to wear it and it always made the bathroom at home smell good." Seth said.

"I'm partial to the Coconut Lime, myself," I said.

"Oh my God, could you two be more gay?" Quil sounded revolted.

"Well, we could be two guys who don't like girls and wanted to have sex with other guys. That would be more gay," I said.

"Whatever dude can we get back to the relevant topic? Who's the girl?" Quil asked.

"No one really," I said offhandedly. I didn't want to go into details with the two of them until I got to know Jill a little better.

"Ohhhh, did you imprint?" Seth asked.

I snorted. "No, I didn't imprint. I think it would have been a bit obvious if I had," I lowered my voice and indicated Quil. "Do I have that stupid look on my face?"

Quil frowned. "You should only be so lucky," he said.

"Well, are you going to see her again?" Seth pressed.

"I don't know, maybe," I replied.

"What's her name?" Quil asked.

"You know what, I really don't want to talk about it," I said.

Quil made a face. "I knew it. You're a lying liar who lies. You were hanging out in Bath and Body Works." He shook his head. "Such a disappointment."

"Is it too hard of a concept for you to grasp that I want to keep my personal life personal?"

"Like it matters, we'll just see it when we patrol anyway," Quil said. "Come on give me something. I'm not going to be dating for the next thirteen years, I need to live vicariously through somebody and if I have to hold my breath waiting for Seth to get a date, I'll keel over dead."

Seth glared at Quil. "Ohh you magnificent bastard," he said slowly. "You'll be sorry that you said that. I've totally got game."

"Really? When was the last time you went on a date?" Quil challenged.

"It was….I went…..it was with…shut up," Seth glowered.

"It doesn't matter anyway. Quil you were right. I _was_ hanging out at Bath and Body Works. They have their new summer scent collection in. I was trying to get a buzz from the aromatherapy. It didn't work."

"Damn it," Quil muttered. "I hate it when I'm right. Did you buy anything?"

I shook my head sadly. "No, I was window sniffing."

Quil narrowed his eyes at me. "So you really weren't on a date?"

"Nope," I said. And then my pants burst into flames. Just kidding.

"Man, you guys are boring. I need new friends," Quil sauntered towards the kitchen.

Seth turned to me. "You know what I'm going to do the next time he tries to strong arm me?"

I shrugged. "Bend over?" I suggested helpfully. Thank you, I'll be here all night.

Seth sighed. "Very funny." He glanced over his shoulder to see if Quil was listening. "But seriously did you have a date?" He whispered.

"Yeah, but if it's all the same, I'd rather not talk about it."

"Well what's her name at least?" Seth asked.

"I'm not going to say her name," I said.

"Ohh, it's like that evil guy in Harry Potter. I mean no one can say his name." Quil piped up from behind the refrigerator door.

"And you're calling us gay?" I retorted.

"Fine, keep your secrets. I'll pry them from your mind eventually," Seth informed me.

I snickered as Seth took off for his room. Now my only goal was to keep my mind as occupied as possible so that I could have some privacy. That was the one of the suckiest things about being a wolf. The telepathy could really be a pain in the ass. I was determined to defy the odds and keep my thoughts to myself.


	5. You

**Again, thanks to all who have reviewed =) And now in my effort to once again make everyone in the world realize that Jon Crosby is a music God, I have decided that every chapter forthwith shall be named for a VAST song. This chapter's name is taken from the song "You" by VAST from the album "Visual Audio Sensory Theatre".**

* * *

><p><em>"Your dress looks good on you my love<em>

_And your house looks like it's heaven."_

_-VAST_

* * *

><p>The only sound in the kitchen was the clink of silverware against our plates. Emily in her infinite wisdom had decided that since my mother and I were working on rebuilding our relationship, it would be nice to invite her to our weekly dinner. Which she probably thought was great in theory, but since we had exhausted our pedantic platitudes within five minutes there was not much in the way of conversation going on. In fact I think it had been about ten minutes since anyone said anything other than 'pass the peas'.<p>

Sam cleared his throat gruffly and my mother and Emily both jumped. "Well someone should say something," he finally said.

"But this silence is so awkward. I _love_ awkward," I told him.

"Embry," Emily sighed. After a moment she said, "Why don't you tell your mother about the classes you're taking over the summer."

I looked at my mother. "I'm taking Advanced Chem II and Molecular Bio," I informed her.

My mother smiled. "I think it's great that after all these years you still love science."

"Yes I do and will continue to do so in order to avoid suspicion about my deviant leanings," I replied.

Emily gave me a dirty look.

_What_, I mouthed.

Emily looked at my mother than back at me. "How are those classes going?" Emily asked, giving me a pointed glare.

"Fine." I glared right back at her.

"It's okay, Emily," my mother said. "He'll talk when he's ready to talk. I'm not going to push him."

"Embry didn't you tell me just last week that you scored the highest in the class on your chemistry exam?" Emily pressed despite my mother's statement.

"Well I wasn't so much telling you as bragging about how awesome I am, but take it any way you want I guess."

"Can you not be a smartass for like five seconds? Would that be possible?" Sam growled.

I made a face. "I suppose it's possible, but it wouldn't be any fun."

"Embry's always been a smartass," My mother said. "You just get used to it." She turned to Emily. "So how was Logan's last check up?"

Blech, baby talk. I became instantly bored and resolved to not care about anything being said no matter how important it was.

Luckily I was saved by my phone going off in my pocket. I tried to hide my smile as I reached to grab it. "I'm just going to step outside," I said.

Once I was on the front porch I flipped the phone open. "Hey beautiful."

"What are you doing right this very second?" Jill asked. There was an air of excitement in her voice.

We had been dating for nearly a month now, and so far, to my astonishment, she showed no sign of wanting to boot my ass to the curb.

"I'm having dinner at Sam and Emily's," I told her.

"Can you come down here?"

"What to Port Angeles? Like tonight?" Not that I wouldn't do it, I was just surprised at the request. We had spent the whole morning together after my class so I couldn't imagine why she wanted me to drive the hour to Port Angeles again.

"Yes, tonight. Can you?"

"Yeah sure, is everything okay?"

"Everything is better than okay. My best friend from Andrews flew in to surprise me and I want you to meet her. We're dressed up all sexy like and want you to come out with us."

"Wow, it's kind of early in our relationship to introduce a saucy three way subplot but hey, what do I know."

"Very funny. And by the way your pants come off for me only, mister."

"Ohh, baby, I love it when you talk dirty to me."

"Listen up gutter mind. You have exactly two hours to get cleaned up and get down here or we're going without you, got it?"

"Got it. I'll be there," I said.

I closed the phone and turned back towards the kitchen. There was a flurry of activity at the table as Sam, Emily, and my mother all tried to pretend as though they hadn't been eavesdropping on my conversation. I walked slowly back into the kitchen and said, "Very subtle."

"So who's the girl?" Emily asked with a sly smile.

"No one you know," I informed her. "And don't ask because I'm not going to tell." I turned to look at my mother. "Look, I have to go, but ummm…."

"It's fine. You go have fun." My mother looked down at her hands. "But maybe you could stop over at the house this weekend. I can make you dinner if you want."

"Ummm, well, I mean-"

"Just think about it, okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, okay. I will. I'll see you guys."

"Hey, don't think I won't find out all about this girl," Emily called after me.

"Whatever you say Sherlock Holmes," I yelled back as I bounded out of the house.

* * *

><p><em>Ta. Tantalum. 180.95. W. Tungsten. 183.85. Re. Rhenium. 186.21. Os. Osmi-<em>

_OH MY GOD WILL YOU STOP? You're making my head hurt. _Quil whined.

_Really Embry, you're driving us insane. _Jacob added.

_Well excuse me. I just figured you could all use a little education. There is nothing wrong with trying to edify you gentlemen on the Periodic Table. I mean, it exists for a reason._

_We don't care! I mean you're all blah blah this and blah blah that. We don't want to hear it. _Seth said. _And by the way you're not fooling me. I know exactly why we're getting this stunted chemistry lesson. It's because you're still trying to hide everything you can about this girl you're seeing._

_And I'm doing a stellar job if I do say so myself. I mean have you even gotten one little smidgen of info out of me? No. That's right. I have completely kept you in the dark about my personal life and I have to say, it's been very gratifying. _

_Whatever dude. I will get it out of you if it's the last thing I do. Even as you deliver your coup de grace, I will break you. _Quil thought.

_Coup de grace, Quil? Very impressive. _Jacob said.

_Yeah well it's Embry's fault I'm getting all smart. I can't understand one thing he talks about so I have to Google and stuff just to have a conversation with him._

_Google? _I snorted.

_You know I'm not a complete moron. I do know what Google is. And it's like enough already. I mean the guy has a thesaurus built into his brain. _Quil snapped.

_So tell us about this girlfriend _Jacob thought.

_Hell no. I'm not telling you guys squat. So just quell any thoughts you have of trying to trick me or make me say something without meaning to because it won't work. I'm like a Jedi. I have total mind control._

_Technically Jedi's have mind control over others, though they are very disciplined in their way of thinking. _Seth thought.

_Okay there King Geek of Planet Sci-fi. _I said.

_I'm the geek? Who was the one reciting the Periodic Table just a moment ago? Who was that? Oh yeah, it was you! You're the King Geek, geek._

_Ohh snappy comeback. You are learning well Pinky. Soon I will have you smart enough to take over the world! _I tried to do an evil laugh in my mind but it didn't work out too well.

_Guys shut up for a minute. _Jacob snapped. _You smell that?_

_Sweet, this is gonna be awesome. We haven't taken a leech apart in months. _Quil thought gleefully.

I had to admit I felt a sudden rush of exhilaration as the smell of the leech drifted into my nose. I couldn't contain the low growl that bubbled up in my throat. It did seem like it had been forever since we had our last kill. At least all these months of patrolling weren't for naught.

_It's heading for the mountain pass _Jacob said, his thoughts beginning to rumble with his deep Alpha timbre. _Quil you go left, Embry you take right. Seth you stay with me. _

_What are you guys going to get all the action? _Leah questioned as her mind joined ours.

_Glad you could make it. Too busy getting it on with that new boyfriend of yours to show up for patrol? _Seth growled at his sister.

_First of all shut up Seth. Second of all shut up Seth. And third of all-_

_LEAH! _

Leah let out a small whimper as Jacob snarled at her.

_Sorry. Where do you want me to go?_

_You're fastest. Try to get ahead of it to cut it off._

With no further thoughts, Leah took off at full throttle, her light gray fur a blur in the woods as she ran.

I had broken off to the right as Jacob instructed. I darted left and right to avoid trees as I ran, my heart beating a rapid staccato in my chest as I pushed myself faster. I don't have the bulk that Quil and Jake do, so I can run pretty fast, though I'm not as quick as Leah. My heavy paws dug deep into the mossy soil and left long, skidding furrows in my wake. I was getting closer to the leech, it's stench was almost over powering now. I burst into a clearing near the bottom of the mountain pass and saw that Leah was already there, engaged in combat with not one, but two leeches. I snarled and sped towards her just as Jacob and Seth entered the clearing, Quil bursting out from the left a few seconds after them. I took a huge leap and grabbed the leech that had just jumped onto Leah's back, slamming him into the ground. I pinned him down with my front paws and looked at him a moment. Two thick runners of drool poured out of my muzzle and pooled on the leech's face. I couldn't help but be a little pleased that he looked completely disgusted. Then I bit his head off. Okay, well more like I clamped my jaws around his neck and chewed a whole bunch until his head sort of fell off, but biting his head off sounds a lot cooler. I was pretty pleased about taking down the vamp all by myself. It doesn't happen that often.

I turned to see the rest of the pack had already torn apart the leech's partner. I gave a few happy little hops.

_Did you guys see that? I tore that suckers head right off! It was freaking awesome. _I bounced a few more times for emphasis. _Tell me you saw that._

_Embry chill out. You're acting like Tigger on crack. _Jacob thought, though he did sound amused.

_What the hell has him so cheerful? _Leah thought. _I mean you'd think he's never killed a bloodsucker before._

_He found a chick willing to make out with him. Of course he's cheerful. _Quil grumbled.

_Embry has a girlfriend? How'd I miss this? And who in the hell would actually want to make out with him? _Leah shuddered in disgust.

_Hey I'm desirable. _I stopped my bouncing and gave Leah a hurt look. Well as hurt of a look as one can pull off with a wolf face.

Leah howled laughter, her whole body shaking.

_Laugh all you want, you miserable little person. My girlfriend thinks I'm all kinds of desirable. Just the other day she- I_ cut myself off mid thought when I saw Quil and Seth hovering eagerly over my shoulders. _Never mind._

_No, no, feel free to finish that thought _Seth peeled his muzzle back from his teeth in a happy sort of way.

I head butted Seth in the side. _I'm going home _I announced.

_Umm, still the issue of body parts to burn here _Jacob said.

_Make Leah take care of it, she was the one who was late. _I turned from the group, flicked my tail once in their direction and bounded off into the woods. I had to get away and phase quickly before I wasn't able to keep Nosy and Parker back there from getting any more info out of me.

* * *

><p>"I have a thought."<p>

I looked up from my chemistry book and saw that Jill had put down her issue of Glamour and was staring at me intently. "You want to do a sexy strip tease for me? Honey that's so considerate."

Jill smirked. "Yeah that's just what I was planning on doing. Getting naked in a roomful of strangers."

I glanced around the Port Angeles Library. "Well there's hardly anyone here. I doubt they'd notice."

"Will you get serious for a minute, please?"

"Okay, I'm serious," I said with a grin. "What's up?"

Jill gave me a thoughtful look but didn't say anything for a moment.

I pursed my lips. "And this thought was?"

Jill folded her hands on the table top and scrutinized me carefully. "Okay, but promise me you won't get mad."

"I can't promise that if I don't know what it is."

"Embry. You have to promise," Jill said.

"Okay, okay, I promise I won't get mad." I paused. "You're not breaking up with me are you? Because in that case all promises are off the table."

"No, I'm not breaking up with you," Jill laughed. "Why would I do something so stupid?"

"Well I'm glad we both agree that breaking up with me would be a very dumb, not to mention horrible, horrible thing. But since it's not that, please proceed." I gave her a go ahead gesture.

"Okay. Here." Jill reached into her bag and pulled out some papers. She put them on the table and slid them across to me.

I picked the papers up and glanced over them. "What exactly is this?" I asked.

Jill took a deep breath. "It's an application to Caltech."

"I can see that," I said slowly.

The California Institute of Technology, or Caltech, as it's usually called, is a major research college with an emphasis on producing scientists. It was a school I had dreamed about applying to, back before I phased.

"I think you should apply," Jill said.

I put the application back on the table and rubbed my eyes. "We've talked about this," I said, a slight trace of exacerbation leaking into my words.

"So?"

"What do you mean so? I already told you I can't go away to college because of the tribe."

"So?" Jill repeated.

"So, then why are we having this discussion?"

"Because what's the worst thing that happens if you apply? You don't get in? That doesn't matter. But if you do get in…..Embry if you got in this could change your whole life. Maybe if you got in it would be leverage with the tribe. Don't they want to see you succeed? I mean if you got in, they'd have to let you go, right?"

"No they won't have to let me go," I snapped.

I guess I spoke a little louder than I intended because the librarian gave me a nasty look and made a shushing gesture with her finger.

"Calm down," Jill said. "What's the harm in applying? I mean if you can't go then you can't go. I just don't see why you can't take the chance and apply."

"Why are you pushing this? I can't do it."

"Yes you can," she said.

"Oh, you know what you're right, I can do it. Wait, hang on, let me check my calendar." I flipped the pages of my text book quickly then stopped and pointed. "Oh no wait, I'm sorry. Opposite day it is not." I slammed my book closed.

Jill glared at me. "Why are you being such an ass about this?"

"Why are you being so pushy?" I shot back at her.

Jill tossed her hands in the air. "Because I care about you. I want to see you happy. Is that so terrible?"

"I am happy," I sighed.

"Oh honey, you are _not_ happy. You put on a good show, but I can see how unhappy you are. God, Embry you are so much better than that crappy job that you hate. You're so much better than community college. How is it possible that I'm the only person that sees that? I've known you a month. The tribe has known you your whole life."

I frowned. "Are you sure this isn't about you?" I said angrily.

Jill gave me a shocked look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I saw the way your friend looked at me the other night. What'd she tell you that you can do better than some stupid mechanic? Are you pressing this issue because you think I'm not good enough for you?"

"Oh don't you dare turn this into a fight about social class. This isn't about me, this is about_ you_." She stabbed her finger at me. "And it really hurts my feelings that you would think that this had anything to do with me thinking you're not good enough for me."

I dropped my head, a wave of shame pulsing through me. "You're right," I said quietly. "I'm sorry." I fingered the application in front of me and sighed. "Even if I did think about applying…it's already July. It's a little late to try and get in."

"No, it's not," Jill said adamantly.

I glanced up at her. "How do you know?"

Jill bit her lip. "Because I called the head of admissions and asked."

I gave her a surprised look. "You did that for me?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I did. She told me that if the application was in by July fifteenth it would be considered for fall."

"Really?" I looked down at the application again. "She said that?"

"Yes she did. After I raved about how brilliant you are she said 'I'm looking forward to receiving Mr. Call's application'."

"No shit," I breathed.

Maybe Jill was right. What was the worst thing that could happen? I wouldn't get in. Caltech is a really prestigious school. What made me think I even had a shot in hell of getting in at all? So applying wouldn't really matter because no doubt, I wouldn't get accepted. There really wasn't any harm in sending in an application that I knew would be rejected anyway.

"Okay," I finally said.

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I'll apply."

Jill gave a delighted squeal. The librarian shushed us again. Jill waved her off and jumped out of her chair. She darted around the table and flung herself onto my lap. "I'm really proud of you," she whispered in my ear.

"Yeah well, don't get your hopes up," I told her as I brushed a strand of strawberry blond hair out of her eyes. "Applying doesn't mean acceptance."

"Pish posh," Jill tutted. "Once they realize how amazing you are they'll let you in."

I gazed into her eyes and smiled. Man, if only I could force imprinting to happen, I would make Jill mine forever. It was funny how just a month ago I was praying that I would never imprint, and now I was wishing for the power to make it happen. "You're pretty amazing yourself, you know that."

"Oh please, I've known that for years," Jill grinned.

"I don't doubt that," I laughed.

"Are you trying to say that I'm egotistical or something?" Jill asked with mock hurt.

"No, I'm saying your confidence in yourself is pretty much the sexiest thing about you," I told her sincerely.

"Well aren't you just the sweetest thing," she purred.

I grinned then leaned up and captured her lips in a searing kiss.

"AHEM."

I pulled away from Jill and looked into the angry face of the librarian. "You two really need to take this outside," she whispered angrily.

I felt myself flush with embarrassment.

"No see you don't understand," Jill told the librarian. "My boyfriend is applying to Caltech."

The librarian smiled. "Well that is very exciting. Best of luck to you."

"Thanks," I said.

"I'm still going to kick you out though," she added.

Jill stood up. "It's fine, we'll go."

The librarian walked away as I gathered up my books and the Caltech application.

"So I say, we go celebrate," Jill said to me.

"Sure, you want to go get something to eat? I think I have enough money to spring for the Wendy's dollar menu," I joked.

Jill shook her head slowly. "Nope, I'm not hungry. Not for food anyway. Let's go to my house."

I frowned. I hadn't met Jill's parents yet and I honestly wasn't sure I was ready to and told her so.

"Oh, my parents aren't going to be home for hours," she gave me a wicked smile.

"Let's go." I put my hand on the small of her back and steered her as quickly as possible out of the library.

* * *

><p>"What's with that look?"<p>

I wandered dreamily into the house and flopped onto the couch, ignoring Seth's question.

"Hey, Quil, you see that look?"

Quil walked over and peered into my face. "Oh yeah, I know that look. That's the Embry just got laid look. I recognize it because I've only ever seen it twice before."

I frowned at that. "It was more than twice," I grumbled.

"So did you?" Seth asked.

"Did I what?"

"Get laid."

"Wow, that is just really inappropriate," I said.

"What's inappropriate?" Seth asked.

"Asking someone about their sex life. It's just….. tactless."

"Oh and you wouldn't ask me?" Seth said.

"Of course I would ask you, but that's different."

"Why's it different?"

"Because it's okay to talk about you," I said in a tone that suggested the answer was obvious.

"I see. My life is just fodder for your amusement is it?" Seth growled.

"Well….yes," I smiled.

"Yeah, well…you just better hope you don't imprint or that happy smirk you have will get wiped right off your face!" Seth snapped.

I stared at him but didn't say anything.

Seth shifted uncomfortably under my gaze. "What? What! I'm sorry, okay?"

I shook my head slowly. "No it's just….I never really thought about that."

And at that moment I realized I hadn't thought about it. I mean I had just wished that I could imprint on Jill, but the thought that I might actually imprint on another girl never even crossed my mind. The thought horrified me. What if it happened? God it would be like the whole Leah/Emily/Sam situation and that was bad enough to live through once. Plus I didn't want another girl. I wanted Jill. Well okay then. I just wouldn't imprint. It was as simple as that.

"Speaking as someone who has imprinted and couldn't be happier about it, I don't see what the big deal is," Quil said.

"The big deal dumbass is that someone could get hurt," Seth said.

"Nope. No one is going to get hurt," I stated. "Because I'm not going to imprint. End of subject."

"Yeah buddy and denial isn't just a river in Egypt or whatever that saying is," Quil said. "You don't get to choose whether you imprint or not. If anyone knows that it's me."

"Well I mean other than you, Sam, Paul, Jared, and Jake no one else has imprinted in ages. I mean if it hasn't happened by now, I'm guessing it never will," I said.

Quil gave me a sort of pitying look. "Well for your girlfriend's sake, I hope not."

I laughed uncomfortably. "It'll be fine. I'm not going to imprint." I got off the couch and went into my bedroom. Shutting the door behind me, I leaned heavily against it for a moment. I can't believe I hadn't even thought of the possibility of imprinting and hurting Jill. I was such a total idiot. Well, I would just take extra steps to ensure I didn't imprint. I pushed myself off the door and in two strides was in front of my small closet. I flung it open and began rooting around inside. When I finally spied the item I had been looking for I grabbed it with a victorious smile. This would help in my quest to not imprint.

* * *

><p>"Hey there Slim Shady," Quil snorted when I walked in the door the following afternoon.<p>

He was sitting on the couch, Claire at his feet. They were both coloring. Quil was looking at the baseball cap I was wearing pulled down so low I couldn't see him unless I tilted my head back.

I slammed the door behind me, snatched the hat off my head, and glared at him.

Quil just gave me an amused grin. "What's with the hat?"

I gave him an annoyed look. "It's to avoid imprinting," I whispered.

Quil frowned. "It's to what now?"

"To avoid imprinting," I repeated quietly. Claire didn't know about imprinting yet. I didn't know if she would even understand what we were talking about, but I didn't want to take a chance.

Quil guffawed and got up from the couch, coming closer to me. "You're trying to avoid imprinting?" He whispered. "How by scaring people away with your…..hat?"

I rolled my eyes with growing impatience. "No," I said haughtily. "It's so I can't accidentally look anyone in the eye and you know, imprint."

"I don't understand," Quil said slowly. "Why wouldn't you want to imprint?"

I stared at him. "Do you remember nothing of our conversation from last night? I mean I guess I can understand what with us discussing this OH SO LONG AGO!"

Quil's brow creased with concentration. I worried his head might explode from the effort. "Ummm…." He stepped over Claire and sat down on the couch again.

"Jesus, Quil. Do I have to start tattooing our conversations on your arms so you can remember shit?" I tossed my arms up in exasperation.

Quil hurriedly covered Claire's ears with his hands. "Do you mind?" He hissed. He dropped his hands and grinned. "That'd be cool though, right? Like that guy in 'Memento'."

I sighed heavily. "I just…I really can't deal with you today."

Claire glanced up from her coloring book, which for the record was much neater than Quil's. "Don't be mean to Quil," she said, her voice serious.

Quil gave me a triumphant smile. "Yeah."

"Sorry, Claire," I said. "But he can be really annoying sometimes."

Claire gave me a thoughtful look. "That's true," she said.

"HEY!"

I snorted with laughter as Quil protested.

"You're supposed to be on my side, squirt," Quil pouted at Claire, hurt in his voice.

Claire reached up and slapped Quil on his cheek. "I am on your side," she said. She slapped him again for good measure. "But sometimes you annoy me."

"Well it's official. You know you're annoying when a five year old confirms it," I told Quil.

"Are you saying that because I'm five, I'm annoying, so that when I said Quil could be annoying it makes him more annoying because someone who's annoying said he was annoying?" Claire was frowning at me.

I stared at her in amazement. For a little kid, Claire was pretty smart. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you're annoying," I said.

"You're forgiven," Claire said. She looked back at Quil. "Color!" She ordered him, pointing at his book.

"Yes ma'am," Quil said with a laugh. He picked up a crayon and started drawing again. "For the record Embry, I remembered what we talked about. I was just giving you a hard time. I mean it's a little ridiculous to think you'll be able to avoid…..you know…. by wearing a hat."

"I know," I said. "I just don't want to hurt anyone."

Quil shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I doubt you'll…... you know. I can't imagine the poor girl that would be stuck with you for the rest of her life."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I could say the same," I said through gritted teeth with a glance at Claire.

Quil frowned at me and shook his head once. He glanced down at Claire too. She was humming under her breath, ignoring us. He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. "How's that picture coming?" He asked her.

Claire made a face. "It's okay. I think it needs more purple," she said eyeing her picture.

"I think you're right," Quil said. He grabbed a purple crayon and handed it to her.

I sighed. "I'll leave you to it," I said.

I walked towards my bedroom, twisting my baseball cap in my hands. I undoubtedly was being ridiculous. I mean the odds of my actually imprinting were probably slightly less than my odds of being attacked by a shark while on dry land. I went into my room and tossed the cap into a corner. I decided I wasn't going to worry about it anymore. What would be would be.


	6. Thrown Away

**Thanks again to the five (or so) of you who are actually reading this story and taking the time to review. I very much appreciate it. **

**Chapter title taken from the song "Thrown Away" by VAST from the album "Nude".**

* * *

><p><em>"There's a sun, there's a ground under my feet.<em>

_There is almost nothing in between._

_Now I'm left like a flag atop a moon..."_

_-VAST_

* * *

><p>"EMBRY! EMBRY!"<p>

I stopped my progress down the hallway at school when I heard my name being called. As I turned towards the voice, I slammed into the kid who had been walking behind me.

"Hey, watch where you're going assh-"The kid looked up at me and I saw him take a step back. "Umm, never mind, sorry," he choked out. He quickly stepped around me and hustled down the corridor.

I guess I could have said sorry, but I was more interested in watching Dr. Rybecki come running towards me, his short legs carrying him as quickly as they could.

Dr. Rybecki is the Dean of the Science department at PC. When I had applied to take classes at the community college, the counselor I spoke with had been shocked to learn I wanted to major in Biochemistry. PC isn't known for producing science majors and she had immediately introduced me to Dr. Rybecki who had taken me under his wing – metaphorically speaking as the man was only about five four and came up to my waist – as his own personal prodigy. Dr. Rybecki, aside from being short, was also skinny as a rail. I swear he became invisible if he turned sideways and he had this wild white hair that puffed out in irregular tufts from his skull. He was also mad as a hatter. Don't get me wrong the guy is great and he's been a fantastic mentor to me but seriously, if Crazy was a Kingdom, Dr. Rybecki would wear the crown.

"What's up?" I asked. "Something wrong with the Christmas tree?"

For the past few weeks the Doc and I had been working on building a sodium chloride and water powered stand of multi colored light bulbs using only a magnetic stirrer. We had jokingly starting calling the awkward contraption the Christmas tree.

Dr. Rybecki shook his head no, his hair flying this way and that as he tried to catch his breath. "It came," he finally managed to gasp.

I froze. I knew exactly what he was talking about. Other than Jill, Dr. Rybecki was the only other person who knew I had applied to Caltech. I wasn't holding my breath that I got in or anything, but I still felt a shiver of excitement creep up my spine at his words. "Really?" I croaked. "That was fast."

Dr. Rybecki smiled. "Yeah. It's in my office. You want to go check it out?"

I nodded slowly. When I sent the application in, I had asked that any responses be forwarded to Dr. Rybecki's office at PC, which was the main reason I told him about applying. I didn't want to run the risk of Quil or Seth accidently opening my mail and blabbing their big fat mouth's about what I had been up to. It had been hard enough keeping that information from the pack as it was. I knew the chances of me getting into Caltech were slim to none which was kind of why when Jill had suggested it, I agreed to apply in the first place. I knew I couldn't leave La Push and applying to a school where I was pretty much guaranteed to not get accepted made it a little easier to acknowledge that I wasn't going anywhere.

I trailed Dr. Rybecki down the hallway, my mind going a hundred miles an hour. What would I do if by some small miracle I did get in? No, there was no way I got in. But if I did get in how would I afford it? Maybe if I did get in than I would I be allowed to leave. Doubtful. Not that it mattered because there was no way I got in. My thoughts whirred in a continuous stream as I walked through the door of Dr. Rybecki's office. He bounded around the desk and grabbed up the white envelope addressed to me in his care. It was small. That generally wasn't a good sign. I swallowed hard and with a shaking hand took the envelope from him. I turned it over and over, not quite daring to open it.

"Well?" Dr. Rybecki pressed. "Are you going to open it?"

"Yeah. I was just sort of committing how I feel right now to memory so I can relive this moment of terror in vivid Technicolor."

I looked up at him and then back at the envelope. With still shaking hands I finally ripped it open. "Okay, so here it goes I guess," I murmured.

I pulled out the folded letter, opened it, and read it. And re-read it. And re-read it again. I realized I hadn't taken a breath in over a minute and managed a huge shuddering wheeze before I whispered, "I got in." I let the words sink in when I heard them aloud and then I shouted, "Holy shit I got in!"

Dr. Rybecki gave a whooping cry and ran around the desk. "You did it!" He grabbed my hands and shook them manically. "You did it!"

"I think I need to sit down," I rasped. My heart felt like it was going to pound straight out of my chest. I collapsed into the chair across from his desk and shoved my head between my knees. I was seeing black stars.

Dr. Rybecki snatched my acceptance letter from the floor where it had fallen when he had shaken my hands.

"Embry," he gasped. "You got nearly a full scholarship!" He shook the letter triumphantly into the air.

"I saw that," I said, slowly sitting up. I still couldn't quite believe it myself.

"Embry, this is fantastic. We have to inform the Dean. We have to inform the President. We have to inform everyone."

I jumped up from the chair, bringing the celebration to a screeching halt. "Doc, we can't tell anyone."

Dr. Rybecki stopped bouncing on the balls of his feet and gave me a confused look. "What do you mean we can't tell anyone?"

"I just, I have to figure some things out. See, it's different on the rez. I can't just pack up and move. I have to discuss it with the elders."

In this case substitute 'elders' with 'Alpha wolf'.

"Well surely they'll let you go. I mean you got a scholarship that pays for almost eighty percent of your tuition. Who would pass up an opportunity like that?"

I gave him a despondent smile. "You'd be surprised," I said. I took my acceptance letter from his hands and slowly folded it. After it was a small square, I shoved it into my pants pocket. "Just promise me you won't say anything to anyone okay?"

Dr. Rybecki shook his head. "Embry, you are the first student in Peninsula history to get accepted to Caltech. This is momentous."

"Yeah I know, but…..just promise me, please?"

Dr. Rybecki sank into his chair and scratched his head. "Yes, alright, I won't say anything for now, but Embry, I don't think this is something that's going to stay under wraps for very long."

"Thanks Doc. Look, I have to get to class. We'll talk about this later, okay?"

"Sure, sure. Don't forget, we're working on the Christmas tree Friday."

I smiled. "Looking forward to it."

I grabbed my backpack from the floor and made my way out of his office. As soon as I was in the hallway I stopped and sagged against the wall. I reached into my pocket and felt the folded up piece of paper that was the key to my entire future. I knew that this little square was about to change everything.

* * *

><p>"Hey Jake. You know how I've always wanted to go away to school? Well now I can. No, that sucks. Okay. Hey Jake. You won't believe this. I got accepted to Caltech and I really want to go, so can I? No that's stupid, God!"<p>

I paced around my small bedroom as I talked aloud. I had to come up with just the right way to start my conversation with Jacob. Maybe he would let me go. It's not like he really _needs_ me. Quil sure as hell isn't going anywhere and Seth still has another year of high school. Leah… well who the hell knew what was up with Leah, but she wasn't leaving anytime soon. Plus it wasn't like Sam and the rest of those guys weren't around too. Would losing one wolf really make that much of a difference?

"CALL! YOU HERE?"

I heard Jacob come into the house. I took a deep breath and counted to ten. I released my breath slowly and then made my way out of my room to meet him.

"Hey, Jake," I said quietly.

Jacob glanced at his watch. "I literally have like five minutes before I have to leave, so can we make this quick?"

I nodded. "Sure, sure thing." I stood and pondered for a moment.

Jacob stared at me and then made a face. "Well?"

"Well, okay." I opened my mouth. Then I closed it again and shook my head. I had to say this in just the right way.

"Embry, sometime today," Jacob said.

"Right, yes sorry. I'm just trying to think of the best way to say this."

"Just spit it out man, I'm on a time constraint."

I nodded. "Okay. Remember that movie we watched a few months ago. The one that was on Showtime? The one about the army guy who fell in love with that chick and then he got killed?"

Jacob frowned. "Vaguely," he said.

"Okay, well remember when we were watching it, and then the army guy goes into the chick's dressing room and he starts making out with her and then he stops all the sudden and puts his hand over his mouth and gets that look of abject horror on his face and he leaves and then the chick opens her robe and has a package, and we all like flipped out because we just couldn't process the utter non-sequitur nature of what had just happened?" I was rambling, but I couldn't stop myself. "Do you remember that?"

"Dude, what in the hell are you talking about?" Jacob was staring at me like I had a screw loose.

"What I'm about to ask you? This is our proverbial 'chick has a dick' moment here, okay?"

Jacob held up his hands. "You need to start making sense like immediately. Are you trying to tell me you're gay or something?"

"No, what I'm saying is….wait, what? No, I'm not gay! Have I ever given you any indication that I might be gay?" His question had caught me off guard.

Jacob gave me a thoughtful look. "Well…..you do like that home makeover show a lot….and there is your love of chick rock."

"And that makes me gay?" I knew I was getting off topic, but I mean- what the hell.

"Embry, you're rambling about chicks with dicks. What am I supposed to think?"

"Not that I'm gay!" I spat.

"Well what _are_ you trying to say then?" Jacob looked totally lost.

I took a deep breath and then blurted out, "I want to go to school."

"You are going to school," Jacob said slowly.

"No, I mean I want to go away to school."

Jacob bit his lip. "Em, we've talked about this. It's not the best time to be thinking about going away."

"Well, you have Quil, Seth, and Leah. It's not like you _need_ me-"

"That's not true," Jacob interjected. "I do need you. I need you here."

"But what if I got accepted to a school that isn't here?" I asked quietly. "What then?" I fingered the folded up square in my pocket as I spoke.

Jacob took a deep breath before he spoke. "I'd say that right now it's not a good time. I'd say defer for a year and we can talk about this again in a few months."

"So that's it?" I asked. "That's the end of the conversation? Subject closed?"

"For now, yes. I mean it's not like you've applied anywhere anyway. You've been doing fine at PC. I mean you still have a year left there to get your associates before you think of going somewhere else anyway right?"

"Right," I said pensively. "So what you're saying is that right now, if I were to say have gotten accepted into a school that was out of state, I couldn't go. That's what you're saying."

Jacob nodded slowly. "Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Look Em, I know you want to go away to school and I think that's great. But right now you need to be here. I'm sorry but for now the matter is closed." He paused for a moment and leveled a curious look at me. "You haven't applied anywhere, have you?"

I shook my head. "No, I was just you know…..testing the waters is all. It was just a hypothetical question," I lied.

"Okay then." Jacob glanced at his watch again. "I have to go. We can talk about this again in a few months, sound good?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I said absent-mindedly.

"All right, I'll see you later. Don't forget, you and Leah are on patrol tonight. Sam is going to have Jared, Paul, and Collin at the north end, so you guys take the south. Make sure to call me when you get back."

"I'll call," I whispered.

Jacob patted me on the shoulder. "Later."

I gave him a halfhearted wave. After he was gone, I sank onto the sofa and closed my eyes. I could feel tears burning, but I refused to let them fall. It was no big deal. I could defer for a year. Of course one year would probably turn into two, and two into three, and eventually I would wake up and realize that no matter what I did, I was never, ever leaving. And just like that, I accepted it. I was never leaving. I stood up abruptly and pulled the letter out of my pocket. I opened it up and read it one last time. Then I methodically tore it in half again and again until it was nothing but small pieces of confetti in my hands. I was never leaving. I tossed the tiny pieces of paper into the trash can and watched as my one chance of leaving La Push fell into the garbage, the paper raining down like a sad ticker tape fanfare celebrating the end of my future.

* * *

><p>"Quil!"<p>

"What?"

"Could you just pick a channel and go with it please?"

"Man, what's got your panties in a twist?"

I was sprawled out on the living room sofa. Not that I would apologize to Seth for trying to keep him from bringing this ugly ass sofa into the house, but I have to say, I have fallen in love with its marshmallow like cushions. And considering I had barely moved from its loving arms in two days, I was grateful for the comfort. Quil was sitting in one of our "new" recliners. Seth and Quil had garbage picked the matching recliners a couple of weeks ago. They now took up residence on either end of the couch.

"Nothing, it's just that you're going to give me a seizure if you keep flipping through the channels like that," I said with a sigh.

Quil made a face but began flipping through the channels at a slower pace, which I guess was something.

"OH! Soap network is having a Beverly Hills 90210 marathon. My weekend's set," Quil crowed gleefully.

I arched an eyebrow at him. "You need a life stat," I informed him.

He waved a dismissive hand at me. "Check it out, this is the fifth season. This is when that Ray guy started hitting Donna."

I sat up. "You know, not that I condone domestic violence of any sort, but if anybody needed to get pushed down a flight of stairs, it was Donna Martin. God she was annoying."

Quil frowned at me. "That's not very nice, Embry," he said reproachfully. "Donna was just misunderstood is all. I mean, she has feelings too."

"Dude, she's a character on a TV show," I said. "She doesn't actually have feelings."

"Okay, that's where we go our separate ways. Just because she's fictional, doesn't mean we shouldn't care."

"Wow, could we not talk about this anymore? I don't feel the need to argue about the virtues of a character on a show that hasn't existed for ten years."

"Whatever, you're just pissed because for once you're not getting the last word in. I know how much that drives you nuts," Quil grinned.

I just lay back down on the couch. Though he was right, I hate to lose an argument, I wasn't in the mood to have to delve into my repertoire of witty ripostes. I hadn't been in the mood for anything since my dream – as unrealistic as it was – had been crushed like a bug under Jacob's big fat foot. I hate to say it, because I usually try to be the bigger person, but I was feeling pretty darn sorry for myself. I could practically feel the imaginary sign slung around my neck that read: WELCOME TO SELF PITYVILLE, POPULATION: ME. I was just in the process of putting myself into an Edward Gorey story – E is for Embry whose soul just got pared – when the pounding on our door jerked me out of my pity party.

Emily stormed through the door without waiting for an answer and stomped over to stand in front of the couch. Her face was flushed with rage.

"I think we're going to need a bigger boat," I said out of the side of my mouth to Quil.

"EMBRY! What is this?" Emily shouted.

I spread my arms in a grand gesture. "Well it looks like a normal house, but you have in fact stumbled into the mouth of hell."

"Embry, damn it, I'm serious," she snarled.

I gave her an innocent look. "What?"

"What do you mean what? You specifically told me the other day that you would show up for dinner tonight at your mother's house with me and Sam. And yet here you are lying around all alone doing nothing!"

I pointed at Quil. "I'm not alone. I have Quil. And Donna Martin. She has feelings you know."

"It's true," Quil said.

Emily sank into Seth's recliner and sighed heavily. "Embry, you promised you were going to make an effort with your mother."

"That was all hearsay," I said.

"Yeah, and here I am saying it!" Emily snapped.

"Well why do you care so much anyway?" I shouted.

Emily looked at me, but didn't say anything.

I shook my head slowly with dawning comprehension. "You know, don't you?" I accused her.

Emily glanced at Quil. "Quil, can you give us a minute?" She said quietly.

"Yeah, sure." Quil flipped the TV off and made a beeline out the front door, closing it behind him.

I sat up and scowled at Emily. "So it's official then? I'm a Uley? How long have you known?"

"Embry, you should really talk about this with your moth-"

"HOW LONG?"

"Almost a year," Emily said with a sigh.

I jumped up. "Almost a year? How could you have kept this from me for a whole year?"

"It wasn't my place to tell you, Embry," Emily said.

"So all those dinners? What were those, pity the bastard half-brother dinners?"

"No, of course not! I just wanted to take care of you! You're my family!"

"Well I hate to introduce you to the concept of reality, but Joshua Uley and anyone related to him is no family of mine! Just because he was my sperm donor that doesn't make him my father! And it doesn't make Sam my brother! So why don't you do us both a favor and trot right back on over to my mother's house and tell her that I'm not coming to dinner tonight or any other night!"

I tried to storm out, but Emily grabbed my wrist. "Embry, please. This isn't your mother's fault any more than its Sam's fault. Don't punish them for your father's mistakes."

I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. I could feel myself trembling and the last thing I wanted was to phase. After I felt a little calmer I said, "You know what? It doesn't even matter anymore. I mean this is just one more thing piled on top of the ever mounting jumble of shit that is my life."

"Embry, your mom just wanted to spare you," Emily said softly.

I nodded my head. "Yes she just wanted to spare me. Which I'm sure is true, but only if 'spare me' is another way of saying 'lied to me'. Then yes, she 'spared me'."

"Well what would you have done differently if you had known? It's not like the man is around. He abandoned Sam's family too, remember?"

"Oh so what, I should feel better because he abandoned his real family too?"

"That's not what I'm saying! I mean look at how great you turned out! Look at how great Sam turned out! Neither of you needed him! And your mom, she was there for you every step of the way! And what you're going to throw your entire relationship with her away over a man who never cared about anyone but himself? Get real, Embry. You have a right to be pissed that she didn't tell you, yes, but she has been damn good to you and it's not right to keep treating her like she doesn't matter!"

I flopped back onto the sofa. "Look, I just need some time to process all this, okay? I mean it's been a really crappy couple of days for me, and I really don't want to even get into a discussion with you or my mother about this enlightening revelation, because honestly, I might not be able to control myself and the last thing I need is for someone to get hurt, know what I'm saying?"

Emily stood up. "I understand. Look, I'm going to tell your mother you weren't feeling good and that's why you didn't come. I'm not going to tell her that you know. That's up to you. But promise me you'll talk to her. Please?"

"I will," I said quietly.

Emily leaned over and kissed my cheek. "You're a good kid, Embry. Don't let this get you down. Sam and I will always be here for you, okay? I want you to know that."

"Yeah, I know." I watched her leave, and then slumped back into the cushions of the couch. I think it was safe to say that my brain was officially on overload. I had always had a suspicion that Joshua Uley was my father, but to have it confirmed, to actually know the truth, was a bit unsettling. I really wasn't sure how I felt about this new information. I figured the best thing I could do right now was ruminate on the situation for a while.

"I saw Emily leave," Quil announced, stepping through the front door. He took in my dejected look and chewed on his lip. "You want to talk about it?"

I looked up at him. "You heard huh?"

Quil nodded. "Yeah sorry. I know it's none of my business, but I only went to the end of the driveway so I kind of heard everything."

I shrugged. "It's okay. I'm sure you're relived to know it wasn't your dad."

Quil sat down in his recliner and gave me a hard look. "I wouldn't have cared. I mean you've always been my brother."

I gave him a small smile. "Thanks man that means a lot."

"Does this mean you're going to stop making me the butt of all your sarcastic comments?"

I snorted. "Get real."

Quil laughed, but almost immediately his face turned serious again. "I mean it you know. If you want to talk about it…well you know I've got your back."

"I'm not quite ready yet. But thanks for the offer."

"Sure thing." He grabbed the remote and flipped the TV back on.

I suddenly felt exhausted. I found myself fighting to keep my eyes open. As the familiar strains of the Beverly Hills 90210 theme song kicked in, I lost the battle and slipped into a restless sleep.

* * *

><p>Despite my promise to Emily, it had been three weeks and I still hadn't spoken to my mother. Maybe Sam had been right when he told me I avoided situations that made me uncomfortable, because that was exactly what I had been doing. I avoided my mother and I even skipped out on dinners at the Uley house. I went to work, I went to school, I patrolled, I hung out with Jill, but I felt like I was just going through the motions. Between the disappointment of Caltech and my discussion with Jacob, and the new revelation about my father, I think I was just sort of shell shocked.<p>

It was almost funny. All the time I had spent being angry with my mother for lying to me and wanting desperately to be able to confront her about who my father was seemed a distant memory. Now the very idea of having that conversation filled me with a dread that followed me around like a black rain cloud, hovering over me, its thunder and lightning licking at my head, daring me to just try and rid myself of the torment I was feeling.

Jill could sense something was up, but had had the good grace to not bug me about it. Until today that is. It was Thursday afternoon. I only have class until ten on Thursdays, so it had become a sort of ritual for me to head over to Jill's house after school. Her dad golfed on Thursdays and her mom had some sort of bridge club thing. The housekeeper generally didn't show up until three so we always had the whole place to ourselves.

"So have you heard anything from Caltech?" She tried to sound casual, but I could sense the underlying excitement in her voice.

I paused in counting the number of riding ribbons –one hundred and seven thus far – bedecking Jill's bedroom walls and turned over in the bed to face her. "Huh?"

"Caltech. Have you heard anything about the application you submitted?" Jill sat up, trying to subdue the look of eagerness on her face.

I slowly shook my head. "Umm, no. No I haven't heard anything yet." In truth, I had already told Dr. Rybecki that I wasn't going to accept the scholarship I had received. He had been extremely disappointed, but had also forced me to send a deferral letter, which I had grudgingly mailed the week before.

Jill's face fell and she frowned. "Nothing?"

"Well, I mean it's only been a month. Those things take time," I said.

"Maybe you should call, you know? Just to check on the status of your application," she suggested.

"Maybe I will," I replied absently. I picked at a loose thread in her comforter and dropped my gaze to avoid her seeing the look of guilt I was wearing.

"You should. That way you'll be front and center in their minds when they're making a decision."

"You trying to get rid of me or something?" I asked, my tone harsher than I intended.

"Why would you say that?" Jill snapped.

"I don't know, you just seem really interested in getting me out of the state."

"Don't be ridiculous! I just want to see you succeed."

I sighed. "Look, I'm just cranky. Can we drop this for now?"

"Fine, whatever," Jill muttered.

I rolled back over and stared at the ceiling. I didn't know why, but suddenly I was in a foul mood. I was just about to tell Jill I had to leave, when she spoke again.

"So when am I going to get to hang out at your place?"

"Hmm?" I looked over at her again.

Jill rolled her eyes. "You heard me, how come we never go to your house. Are you ashamed of me or something?"

I contemplated that thought for a moment. "No. I'm not ashamed of you," I finally replied.

"Took you long enough to answer that one," Jill said wryly. "So if I don't embarrass you, why haven't I met any of your friends? Or ever been to your house? Or met your parents? I mean we've been dating for almost three months. I think it's about time I get to meet some of your people."

I pursed my lips and tried to think of a really good answer for all her questions. I wasn't embarrassed by her, I knew that, yet I still wasn't sure why I felt such a hesitation to introduce her to my friends. I guess maybe the reason was that I was more embarrassed for myself than for her. I mean she lives in a house that I would not hesitate to describe as a mansion. I on the other hand live in a cramped house on an Indian reservation. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of. I wasn't ready to share my fear that if she saw where I came from, who I really was, she'd take off leaving a Jill shaped hole in the wall a la Bugs Bunny. So I lied.

"Well it's just that there are rules you know?"

"Rules?" Jill gave me a questioning look.

"Yeah, you know, tribe rules," I said emphatically. "See no one who isn't Quileute is really allowed on the reservation. You know sacred lands and all that."

"Umm, Embry. You have the Quileute Resort right there. People that aren't Quileute stay there all the time."

Damn it. I forgot about that stupid resort. "Oh well…..yeah. Well you know it's just that I have roommates. They're both so lame they never go anywhere so you know, we'd never be alone."

"So?"

"So I like being alone with you. We couldn't do alone stuff with Quil and Seth hanging around all the time." I paused. "Well I guess we could, but it would kind of squick me out. I mean there are just some things that should be kept private." I tried to pull her to me in an effort to get her to drop the subject, but she squirmed out of my grasp.

"What's the deal?" She said, giving me a serious look.

"There's no deal," I said slowly.

"Embry, I'm serious. Either give it to me straight, or you won't be giving it to me at all."

I sighed and figured I'd better tell her the truth or I'd never hear the end of it. I was already crabby and I wasn't in the mood to have her nagging me.

"Okay, you know that whole 'wrong side of the tracks' expression?"

Jill nodded. "Sure."

"Okay, well let me put it to you this way. My place basically looks like it is so far on the wrong side of the tracks that it pretty much exists on an expanse of land where locomotive travel has not yet been invented."

Jill laughed. "You think I care what your house looks like?" She asked, amusement in her voice.

I glanced around her room that was so large, I was pretty sure most of my house would fit inside it with room to spare. "Umm, you live in a house that has four fireplaces and more rooms than you people know what to do with. My house has duct tape holding the kitchen light fixture together because the wiring is shot and we're all too lazy to fix it."

"So?"

I stared at her. "So?" I repeated.

"Yeah, so! Who cares if your house is small? I don't care. It sounds like you care more than I do."

I frowned. "Well it's a little embarrassing is all."

"Embry, if I cared about you having money I would have been long gone by now. I like you for you. Not what you have. Can you say the same?"

"What? Of course I can. I don't care about your money. I just don't like to feel inferior because I'm poor."

Jill gave me a surprised look. "Do you think I make you feel inferior?" She asked.

I shrugged. "Sometimes."

"HOW?" She shrieked.

"I don't know." I sat up quickly. "Maybe because you kind of always talk about money."

Jill gasped. "I don't always talk about money!"

I threw off the sheet I had been laying under and jumped up. "Actually you kind of do. And now with pushing me about college because you want me to 'suceed'. Are you sure you just aren't looking for me to get a degree so I'll be able to get a better job so that I make more money?"

"Oh my God!" Jill jumped up too. "Where the hell is this coming from?"

"From you." I stated matter of factly. "I mean no offense but maybe if you took two seconds to look out one of the windows of your currency papered ivory tower you'd see that some of us aren't rich. Did you ever even stop to think that maybe I can't afford to go away to college?"

"Well, no, but-"

"But what? You just proved my point right there."

Jill stuffed her hands on her hips and glared at me. "Okay, maybe I talk about money a little bit but-"

I snorted.

She frowned. "All right, more than a little bit. I'm sorry, all right? I just….I'm just used to having it. That doesn't mean that I care if you have money! I mean, God Embry. When have I ever looked down at you for anything? Never!"

I sighed and dropped my eyes, my big toe drawing a circular pattern on the plush carpeting. "That's true, I guess," I muttered.

"So just because you're insecure and intimidated by the fact that I have money, that still doesn't excuse why you haven't introduced me to any of your friends. Or your parents. I mean you've met my friends and I'd be more than happy to introduce you to my family if you could ever be bothered."

That rubbed me the wrong way. I felt a familiar prickling sensation on the back of my neck. It reminded me distinctly of the way my fur stood on end when I was in wolf form and in the presence of a leech. I knew now that I had just been looking to pick a fight with her. "Jesus, it's not like we're getting married. Why are you so hung up on me meeting your parents? Oh and post script, I don't appreciate being called insecure."

"Well you're acting like it. And I'm not hung up about you meeting my parents," Jill protested.

"So then what's the problem here?" I snapped.

"Why are you getting so bent out of shape? I just thought it would be nice to meet the friends you've told me about, or even meet your mom and dad."

I gave a hearty laugh laced heavily with bitterness. "Tell you what. You find out where my father is, you let me know."

That gave Jill pause. I had never talked to her about my whole father situation. I knew it wasn't fair to throw that in her face, but the side of me that was getting more and more pissed didn't care.

"You don't know where your father is?" She asked quietly.

"Nope. Never met the man and I don't care to."

"How can you say that?" Jill was looking at me, her face filled with concern.

That made me even angrier. I didn't need anyone's pity. I had been just fine without a father for twenty years.

"Because my 'father' never cared enough to know me, to take responsibility for me, so why should I care about him?"

Jill frowned. "But don't you want to know-"

"Why?" I interrupted. "I've gotten along splendidly without ever seeing him. What would change if I met him? Nothing. That's what. He'd still be the guy that was married to someone else when he knocked my mother up and never owned up to it."

"Yeah, but I mean….if you knew where he was you could maybe try to have a relationship with him."

I grunted. "Oh yeah," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "I can just see it now. I meet my dad. We indulge in some male bonding. Then one day over a few beers I'll look at my dad on the shores of the Quillayute River, clap him on the shoulder and say 'Gee dad, I'm so glad we have a relationship'."

Jill shook her head, disgust on her face. "You can be a real asshole sometimes, you know that?"

I sighed. "Yes. I do know that."

Jill bit her lip. I could see her eyes were shiny with tears, and I suddenly felt like the world's biggest heel.

"Maybe you should just go," she whispered.

My anger flared up again. "Fine," I spat, tossing my hands in the air. I snatched my clothes off the floor. "I'll let myself out."

I stormed out of her room, slamming the door behind me. Once outside her room, I leaned heavily against the closed door. I could hear Jill quietly crying and closed my eyes. God, I really was an asshole. I probably needed to go back in there and apologize for being such a prick. I hurriedly pulled on my clothes. As I was tugging on my shoes, Jill's bedroom door suddenly opened and I stumbled back a couple of steps

"You forgot your book bag," she said coldly as she dumped my bag at my feet.

"Hey," I said softly. "I'm really sorry, okay?"

Jill shook her head. "Sorry's not going to cut it this time, Embry. You've been acting like a complete jerk for weeks now and today you were downright monstrous. I don't deserve it and quite frankly, I'm sick of it." She slammed the door in my face.

I sighed and reached down for my bag. I shuffled away from her room and made my way down the spiral staircase into the large foyer. I stood there for a moment, looking forlornly back up the stairs. I could still hear Jill crying and it took everything I had to not run back up to her room and beg on hands and knees for forgiveness. However, I also knew that with the mood I was in, I could also potentially make the situation even worse. Even though I felt pretty crappy about being a jackass, treating her like dirt, and making her cry, I just didn't have it in me to go back upstairs. Instead I walked out the front door, Jill's sobs still ringing in my ears.


	7. I Don't Have Anything

**Chapter title taken from the song "I Don't Have Anything" by VAST from the album "Music for People".**

* * *

><p><em>"I've been stripped of everything, except the flesh that bleeds<em>

_And I've been robbed of everything, except the soul__ that needs_

_You, sweet you."_

_-VAST_

* * *

><p>"It's official," I announced as I stormed through the door of my house. "I am the biggest Jerk in Jerkonia."<p>

Quil and Seth were sitting in their recliners watching TV and as I stopped in front of them, they both gave me irritated looks.

"Hey, hey," Quil said as he made a shooing motion with his hand.

I glanced at the TV and sighed. "Really? Again with this show?"

Quil and Seth had been getting into reality TV something fierce lately. Their newest obsession was 'America's Got Talent'. Our DVR was cluttered with every episode ever made of that stupid show. At least it wasn't Beverly Hills 90210 though.

"Dude, there was a guy on here who drilled up his nose," Quil informed me, his voice filled with awe.

"Drilled? With the power tool drilled?"

Seth nodded. "It was completely disgusting and yet I was transfixed."

"I'm sorry but seriously, this show is more pointless than a box of unsharpened pencils," I said.

"It's not pointless," Quil defended. "There's a million bucks at stake and you're blocking it so move."

I sighed, tossed my bag onto the floor and threw myself onto the sofa.

Seth turned his chair to look at me. "So why are you such a jerk?"

"No reason," I muttered, not in the mood to talk about the fight I had just had with Jill.

Seth nodded. "Okay." He then began looking around the room exaggeratedly.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked.

"Oh, just looking for something," He answered continuing his ridiculous sweep of the room.

"For what?"

"Like maybe your ability to lie convincingly, because I just don't see that around here anywhere." Seth grinned at his clever pun.

I rolled my eyes and pointed at Seth. "Funny police arrest that man."

Seth shrugged. "Whatever." He turned his attention back to the TV.

After a moment of silence I broke. "Fine. I had a fight with that girl I've been seeing." I told him.

"Oh yes, the imaginary girlfriend," Seth said.

"She's not imaginary," I retorted.

"Then why haven't we met her?" Seth asked.

"Because!" I snapped.

"Would you chill out! It's obvious you like this girl a lot, so I don't understand why you're being so secretive about her. We don't even know her name. Believe me I've tried picking around in your brain but lately your thoughts have been locked up tighter than a bank's security vault."

I looked at him a moment then said quietly, "Jill. Her name is Jill."

Seth nodded. "Well there's no Jill on the rez that I know of. Is she Makah?"

I shook my head. "No. She's white."

"Ohhhh," Seth said slowly a look of dawning comprehension on his face. "Is that why you don't want us to meet her? You think we care that she's white?"

I made a face. "Of course not."

"I didn't think so. Well then what's the problem?" Seth gave me a genuinely confused look.

"It's just that she's….." I trailed off.

"She's what?" Quil entered the conversation. "Fat? Ugly? What?"

"No!" I barked. After another moment's hesitation I finally said, "She's rich."

Quil clicked his tongue at me. "Niiiice."

I glowered. "Yeah nice for her maybe. I mean you should see her house. Can you imagine what she'd think if she came here and saw our place?"

"Hey!" Quil said indignantly. "What's wrong with our place? I happen to like it just fine."

"Of course you do. You've never lived in a four story mansion. Jill does. This whole house can practically fit into her bedroom!"

Seth frowned. "So what is it? You're worried that if she comes out here, she'll dump you because you don't have money? I mean doesn't she already know you don't have money?"

I rubbed my face with the palms of my hands. "Yes, she knows I don't have money," I sighed.

"I don't get it. She knows you don't have money and wants to date you anyway. I'm sorry Em, I just don't see what the problem is here."

"The problem Seth, is that if she comes out here, then it's real, you know? She'll realize this 'date the poor guy' thing is just a phase and then she'll break up with me."

"Wow," Seth breathed. He gave me a fascinated look. "You're in love with her aren't you?"

"What? No! What?" I sputtered.

"Dude, it's obvious. You love her and you're afraid that she's just sort of testing the waters to see what it's like to date someone like you. You're afraid that if she sees where you really come from, she'll get over her 'slumming', turn on her heel and jump into the arms of some country club boy."

I exhaled slowly. "I honestly don't know if I love her. I know I care about her….but love? I mean she's pretty great….I don't know. Maybe that's the case," I finally conceded quietly.

Seth shook his head. "Man, if that is the case, then she wasn't worth loving in the first place."

"Maybe not."

"Well you won't know until you take the chance," Seth said gently. "Or maybe you're afraid to take the chance because of the whole imprinting thing."

I stared at him for a moment. In that second I realized that he was completely right. I had been blaming my bad mood on not being able to go to Caltech and my father situation. But that wasn't really it at all. I was terrified that one of two things would happen. Either Jill was going to leave me and I wouldn't have anything at all - no school, no family, no girlfriend - I would be utterly and completely alone and miserable, or I would imprint and hurt Jill even more than I already had. Jill was the last good thing I had going for me and I was treating her like dirt. I was anticipating that she would leave me or that I would have to leave her, so subconsciously I was trying to make it happen. That way, when it did happen, I'd be prepared. God I was a complete and utter moron.

"You know," Seth said. "You can't live your life in fear of imprinting. I mean it isn't logical to never have any relationships at all. You'll just end up a bitter. We all would. We just have to live our lives and hope no one gets hurt in the process."

"When did you become this sage giver of advice?" I grumped at Seth. I hate it when anyone besides myself is right.

Seth gave me a smile. "It's just a gift I have, what can I say?"

I made a face. "Hey, have you recovered from that broken leg yet?" I asked. "You know the one you got when you fell down trying to get over yourself."

Seth laughed. "Make fun all you want. You're just pissed because I hit the nail on the head."

"Yeah, you did," I admitted.

Seth stood up, a triumphant look on his face. "My work here is done. Now if you gentlemen would excuse me, I have a date."

"Really? With who?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.

"Maddy Blue." Quil piped up with a smirk.

"No kidding," I said, impressed. "How'd you manage that?"

Maddy was a local girl. She was drop dead gorgeous and knew it. She rarely dated guys on the rez, so I was pretty stunned that Seth managed to get her to go out with him.

"I used the old Clearwater charm," Seth gave me a wink.

Quil rolled his eyes. "He said the same thing he always says," he informed me.

"What that beautiful thing he stole from that TV show?" I asked.

"Yep," Quil nodded.

"Huh. Well you throw that line at enough girls it's bound to stick eventually." I said.

"And stick it did, I mean I got a date with Maddy Blue," Seth said arrogantly.

"Yeah. I guess that means you'll have your 'What I Did This Summer' essay all ready for when school starts," I grinned.

Seth gave me a withering look then glanced down at himself. "Now, what do you guys think? Should I lose the shirt?"

I gave Seth the once over. He was wearing a black polo shirt and a pair of tan cargo shorts. "No, you shouldn't lose the shirt. I think you should burn it. Because I mean if you lose it…..you might find it again."

Seth scowled. "Very funny. And after all the help I just gave you."

"I'm kidding man, you look good," I said with a laugh.

"Damn right I do," Seth said with a nod. "Oh and Quil, you know that breath you've been holding waiting for me to get a date? Yeah you can let that out now, jackass. I'll see you losers later." With that, he strutted out of the house.

I shook my head still laughing. After a moment, I looked over at Quil. "So what are your plans for this evening?"

Quil glanced over at me, and then returned his attention to the TV screen. "Emily's bringing Claire over in a little bit."

I cringed.

Quil noticed and sighed. "Look, I know she can be a handful, but she's Claire, you know?"

"I know," I exhaled resignedly.

After my fight with Jill and the fact that I had a ton of homework to do that I had been putting off, not to mention the fact that I had been avoiding Emily for three weeks, the last thing I needed was a screaming five year old running around the house.

"It's fine, man, I'll just go to the library." I fished around next to the couch and snagged my backpack.

"The where?" Quil asked, still distracted by the ridiculous talent show.

"The library," I said slowly enunciating each syllable. "You can find it in the white pages under 'Library' or in the yellow pages under the equally elusive 'Libraries'."

Quil gave me a hurt look. "You know, sometimes those smartass comments you make at my expense hit me so hard they leave marks."

He looked so dejected I actually felt kind of bad.

I stood up and patted him on the head. "I'm sorry buddy. I'm just tired. Ignore me."

Quil pushed my hand off his head. "Don't touch me." He pouted and slouched down in his chair. I was about to apologize again when suddenly his entire demeanor changed. He shot out of his chair like a rocket, a goofy smile plastered on his face. "Claire's here," he said.

I glanced outside but didn't see anything. A moment later though Emily's car pulled into our small driveway.

"That's creepy the way you do that," I told him.

Quil didn't respond. He bounced out the front door, TV entirely forgotten, and over to the car, quickly retrieving Claire from her car seat. She squealed with glee when Quil scooped her up in a hug.

I walked out the door after him, my bag slung over my shoulder. Emily was coming up the walk towards me, a scowl on her face.

"So you _are_ still alive, huh?"

"I'm sorry. I know I haven't been over lately."

"You've been completely avoiding us, Embry," Emily accused.

"I said I was sorry!"

"Look, I know you're upset, but don't push everyone away."

I gave her an apologetic smile. "I'll come over next week, okay?"

"You better!" Emily snapped.

"I will! I promise."

"All right then." She nodded at my bag and keys. "What, leaving so soon?" she asked, a knowing look on her face.

I nodded. "I'd run away screaming, but it's been a long day."

Emily laughed. "Oh come on, Embry. Claire's rambunctious but you have to love her."

My nose wrinkled involuntarily. "Let me try to put this as succinctly as possible, I'm not really a kid person."

"No kidding?" Emily said mockingly. "I never would have guessed."

I just shrugged. "Hey, at least I'm honest." I jumped off the small porch and headed towards my truck that was parked on the road in front of our house. "Later, Quil!" I threw over my shoulder.

"Later," Quil called with a wave. Apparently his grievance with me was forgotten in the presence of his imprint.

* * *

><p>As I drove towards the Library in Forks, my mind continued to replay my conversation with Seth. I can't believe I had been so blind about my reasoning for pushing Jill away. I glanced at the clock on my dashboard. It was still early enough. Without looking, I jerked the truck into a U-turn. I ignored the honks and shouts of the other drivers and pointed my truck towards Port Angeles.<p>

* * *

><p>Jill's horses were boarded at Olympic View Stables. When I had finally gotten to her house, the housekeeper – after an interrogation which established that I was in fact not a serial killer- informed me that Jill had gone to the barn, so I had immediately driven to Olympic View to see her. I headed towards what looked like the main barn area and walked inside. The barn was dark and cool. I was hit with an overwhelming array of smells as I entered. Horses, manure, sawdust, hay, and leather, all mixed to form a heady scent that wasn't entirely unpleasant. I walked down the aisle of the barn. Curious heads poked over stall doors as I passed. I could tell right away that some of the horses knew I wasn't entirely human and took exception to my presence because several of them gave shrill whinnies and others rolled their eyes in a slight panic. It was almost amusing to watch as the row of heads ducked back into their stalls as I walked by, the effect akin to seeing a crowd doing the wave during a baseball game.<p>

I read the stall nameplates as I made my way down the aisle, each one naming the horse – some horses had two names which I didn't quite understand – and their owner. I finally found a stall that had Jill's name on it and stopped. The nameplate read 'Lost in the Fog "Challenger" Owned by Jillian Reilly'. I glanced over the stall door and saw her.

Jill was crouched down near the horse's front leg, rubbing it with something that smelled strongly of alcohol and mint. Her back was to me as she worked and I watched her for a few moments as she massaged the horse's leg. The horse took notice of me and snorted loudly, startling me. He shifted nervously, but with a few soothing words from Jill, settled down. He was a large horse and I felt a little intimidated by him. He had some white marks on his face, but otherwise the rest of his muscular body was a brown so dark he looked almost black.

"You need something?" Jill suddenly said.

I jumped because I didn't realize she knew I was there. "Huh?" I said stupidly.

"You need something?" She repeated, her tone not in the least bit friendly.

"Oh, umm, I didn't think you heard me. I thought I was being all stealthy." I gave an uncomfortable laugh.

Jill turned to look at me for the first time and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you're a regular ninja." She stood up and rubbed her palms on the thighs of her riding pants. "I'll ask again. Do you need something?"

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you. To apologize. To explain why I've been acting like a total prick for the last few weeks." I looked at her imploringly. "Will you hear me out? Please?"

Jill sighed and reached up to absently scratch the horse under his mane. "Why should I?" She said after a moment.

I looked down at the stall door and ran my fingers over Jill's name engraved on the metal plate. "Because I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to be such an ass. Sometimes I can't help it. And I kind of care about you," I said.

"You 'kind of' care about me? What's that mean? You kind of care about me but kind of don't?" Jill said. Her voice had a trace of irritation in it.

"No. I do. I mean, not kind of, but, yeah." Oh boy.

Jill stared at me. "What?" She finally said in confusion.

"I don't mean no, well no to the question but not no as the answer." I stopped, took a deep breath, and held up a finger. "Let me start over. I do care about you. A lot. And I've been really horrible to you and you don't deserve it. I mean you're really amazing."

Jill narrowed her eyes at me. "Go on," she prompted.

"Here's the thing. I kind of lied to you this morning."

"Lied about what?"

"About Caltech. I did get a response to my application."

"And?"

"And, I got in."

For a moment Jill's anger with me was forgotten completely as she put her hands over her mouth. "You're going to Caltech?" Her words were muffled behind her hands. "Oh my God, Embry, that's outstanding!"

I slowly shook my head. "No. I'm not going."

"You're not...you're not going?" Jill dropped her hands and stared at me aghast. "What do you mean you're not going? They aren't going to let you go? How can they do that?"

I rubbed my face and sighed. "It's a long story. I just can't go. But that wasn't the point of my apology. I mean it was, but it's not."

"Okay," Jill said gently. "What is the point of the apology?"

"I've been really angry lately. I've been angry because I got into Caltech and I can't go. Plus, something came up with me personally that was kind of unexpected and it sort of threw me for a loop. Either way, what I'm saying is, I can't go to school so now, all I have is you. I lost my opportunity to have a chance at a future and you are the only good thing I have left. I just….I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too. That's all."

Jill unlatched her stall door and joined me in the aisle. "You aren't going to lose me. Why would you think that?"

I gave a small shrug. "Because. Because I'm a total dork, because I don't have any money, because I have appalling social skills, because I suck at relationship stuff….do you really need me to list all the reasons?"

Jill grabbed my hands. "Embry, all of those things, they're what make you you! And I personally think you're a really great guy."

I gave her a hopeful look. "You do? You think I'm great?"

Jill smiled. "Yes. But from now on you have got to talk to me about these things. I can't help you if you push it all down inside and pick fights instead. We have to be open with each other, okay?"

"Yeah, okay." I took a shuddering breath. "I'm really sorry I've been so difficult lately. I really am."

Jill pressed her palm to my cheek. "I forgive you."

"Whew," I mimed wiping sweat from my forehead. "I'm glad that's settled." I looked down at her with a smile. "Hey let's go make out somewhere."

"Gosh you always say the sweetest things to me," Jill said with a roll of her eyes. "But, okay," she added as an afterthought.

I laughed, but then grabbed her hand before she could move. "I also want to invite you to the rez. To meet my friends. How about Saturday?"

"For real?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yeah for real. I want them to meet you so they can continue to be jealous of me for being hotter, smarter, and having the most beautiful girlfriend in all of Washington."

"Well if it's going to help you out…..I'd love to."

"Great," I said. I grabbed her around the waist and picked her up. "Now come, stable wench. We have business to attend to."

Jill shrieked with laughter as I carried her down the aisle.

* * *

><p>"So how was the library?" Quil whispered when I walked through the door.<p>

"Hmmm?" I said.

Quil made a shushing gesture and indicated the sleeping Claire curled up on his lap. "You know, that place in the yellow pages?" He snarked quietly.

"Screw the library. I apologized to Jill and she accepted it. Then we made out in a barn." I said dreamily.

"So that's what that smell is. Making out in a barn with barnyard animals and poop. That's romantic," Quil snorted.

I lost my dazed expression and glared at him. "Yeah this coming from the guy who said 'Thank God _that's_ over' at the end of Notting Hill."

"That's because that movie sucked," Quil said.

"You wouldn't know good cinema if it smacked you upside the head."

"That movie was lame," Quil said. "No guy would like that movie unless they were a big nelly girly girl like you. And you loved it, didn't you?"

I paused. "Yeah, I did," I finally said wistfully.

Quil shook his head. Claire stirred in his lap and he glanced down at her. After making sure he hadn't woken her up, he turned to me again. "So are we ever going to get to meet this girl?"

"Um, yeah actually. I invited her out here Saturday," I said. "Which means you guys have to be on your best behavior."

Quil gave me an innocent look. "When am I ever not on my best behavior?"

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Okay, okay, I promise I'll be good."

"You better, or believe me, you'll regret it." I threatened him.

"Hey, I already told you that you can't pick on Quil," Claire mumbled sleepily. "I'll beat you up."

I tried not laugh at the vision of a five year old trying to take me out at the knees with a Barbie and a box of Crayola's. Though the thought of sticky hands touching me did cause me to shudder. Why are kids always so sticky anyway? It's just disgusting. I don't know how Quil could stand it, or how _anyone_ could stand it for that matter.

Quil gave Claire a loving smile. "Thanks for taking my side this time baby-doll."

"Nobody is mean to my Quil," she said.

"You hear that?" Quil asked me. "Nobody is mean to Claire's Quil."

I waved my hand dismissively at the two of them. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Quil pulled Claire tighter against him and stood up. She wrapped her small arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. I could hear her mumbling a protest into his shirt.

"I'm going to go put her in my bed until Emily comes," Quil explained quietly. He carried Claire down the hallway towards his bedroom.

I spun the recliner I was sitting on in a lazy circle and let my thoughts drift back to Jill. I started when Seth came slamming through the door, a look of annoyance on his face.

"I take it the date didn't go well," I ventured.

"That Maddy is kind of a stuck up snob," Seth said.

Quil came rushing down the hallway and glared at Seth. "Keep it down, Claire's sleeping," he scolded.

"Oh sorry," Seth said. He flopped onto the sofa.

"Well don't keep me in suspense," I said. "How'd the date go?"

"Well first of all since someone," he leveled a glare at Quil, "wouldn't let me use their car, I had to go over to her place on my bike."

"I'm sorry, but if there would have been an emergency and I would have had to get Claire to a doctor, I would have needed my car," Quil said.

"Whatever man, it's all about words with you," Seth glowered.

"Forget the car, just tell us what happened," I urged.

"Right, well so anyway, she was all pissy that I couldn't drive her anywhere. So fine, whatever. So then I told her we were going to go eat at River's Edge-"

Quil and I both hissed.

"Ohh, Seth. Really?" I said with a wince.

River's Edge is pretty much the only restaurant in La Push that isn't in the resort. The food is mediocre at best. The only good thing about it is the view. But even a decent view wouldn't force me to eat their food. Anytime we eat out, we generally head into Forks.

"Well what do you want? I didn't have a car, remember?" Seth said. "It's not like I could bike us into Forks."

"Okay, okay. So what'd she say?"

"Well the first thing she said was 'I'm glad you appreciate fine dining'. So I said 'Do you want to eat or not'."

I grimaced. I thought I was bad with girls. This was almost painful to listen to.

"So she says 'I don't know are you sure you can spare the five bucks? I wouldn't want to break your bank or anything'. So I say 'You sure complain a lot'."

Wow, I was really beginning to wish I had witnessed this in person. It was sort of like when you see a horrible car accident and even though it's gross and a little morbid, you can't help but stare.

"So then she says 'I assumed we'd go somewhere that required more than a shirt and shoes to get service'. So I said 'Well what did you expect five star dining?'" Seth shook his head. "I mean what kind of allowance does she think I get? Not to mention how stupid I'd feel requesting valet parking for my bicycle."

I laughed. "Oh my God, Seth, seriously. Does the carnage never end? Please tell me you cut your losses and ran at that point."

Seth shook his head and gave me an impish grin. "Nope. We skipped dinner and ended up making out all night. And it was sweeeeet," he sang. "She's totally into me."

I raised an eyebrow. "She's totally into you?" I repeated.

"Dude, please," Seth gave me a look. "I'm like the freaking bottle. When I'm through with her this chick is going to need a twelve step program to get over me."

Quil and I both laughed.

"Our little boy is growing up," Quil said.

"Hey, you guys want to hear something interesting?" I said.

Seth shrugged. "Sure."

"Did you know that people give their horses two names? One is a show name and one is a barn name. They use one name when they take them to shows and stuff, and the other name is what they actually call the horse. I don't get why they don't just use one name for everything, but apparently, it's normal to have two names."

Quil made a face. "Okay then," he said. He got up and left the room.

"Hey you're right," Seth said as he glanced longingly at the hallway leading to his bedroom. "That _was_ really interesting. It was so interesting it caused Quil to leave the room and this is a guy who I've seen spend six straight hours watching Dora the Explorer. In fact it was so interesting you know what happened next? I died from boredom!"

I glared at him. "I thought it was interesting," I muttered.

"You would," Seth said.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well you are pretty much the biggest nerd that I know. That's just my humble opinion" Seth informed me.

"Your opinion? Well I too have opinions that are more valid than yours. You know, considering the fact that I'm not an idiot. So just put away your copy of 'Schoolyard Insults: An Illustrated Guide to Cutting Down Your Playmates' because you will never win a battle of words with me silly child."

Seth shook his head. "That just proves that you're a nerd. I mean who talks like that?"

"I'll excuse the fact that your response is implicitly hiding your obvious jealously of my superior intelligence."

"I'm not jealous of you." Seth said with a frown.

"While I'm sure you feel your words have verisimilitude, I assure you I see through your guise."

"I have verwhatatude?"

I sighed. "_Verisimilitude_. It means 'having the appearance of being true or real'."

"God, Quil's right. It _is_ like talking to a walking thesaurus."

I was saved from having to respond by a quiet knock on our door. Seth hopped up to answer it and Emily followed him inside.

"Hey guys, I'm here for Claire. Quil said she was sleeping."

"Yeah, she's in Quil's room," I said.

Emily stared at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Could you tell him I'm here, please?" Emily rolled her eyes.

"Oh, yeah, sure. QUIL! EMILY'S HERE!"

I heard Quil muttering and Claire beginning to cry.

Emily leaned over and swatted me on the arm. "Nice going jackass. You woke her up."

I shrugged. "She has to learn that life sucks sometime, might as well start her lessons now."

Quil came down the hallway glaring daggers at me. Claire was clinging to his shoulders sobbing into his neck.

"I don't wanna go," she wept.

Quil's face looked pained as he spoke. "You have to go with Aunt Emily," he said in a soothing voice. "She's taking you home to mommy and daddy tomorrow."

Claire cried even harder. "I wanna stay with you Quil," she managed to get out around her bawling.

"I'm sorry Claire-bear, but you have to go with Emily." Quil tried to hand Claire over to Emily, but she balled her hands into his T-shirt and held tight.

"She's just tired," Quil said to Emily. He managed to unlatch Claire's hands and grudgingly put her into Emily's arms.

"I know," Emily said as she smoothed Claire's hair.

"NO! I WANT QUIL! NO!" Claire screamed as she struggled in Emily's arms.

Quil flinched noticeably. He turned his head to the side and shoved his ear into his shoulder. He actually looked like he was going to be sick.

"I'll see you next week," he tried to console Claire.

"You promise?" She asked, her voice clogged with tears.

"I double promise," Quil said.

"Okay," Claire sniffled.

"All right little girl, let's get you into bed, okay?" Emily gave Quil a sympathetic look as she carried Claire out of the house, Quil watching forlornly from the doorway.

Once they were in Emily's car, Quil closed the door with a frustrated groan and leaned forward against it, his palms splayed out, his forehead pressing against the heavy wood. "God, it really hurts when she cries, you know, like right here." He turned his head towards me and Seth and placed one of his hands flat against the center of his chest. "It's like getting hit with a sledgehammer."

I felt pretty bad and gave him an apologetic expression. "I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to wake her up."

Quil sighed and pushed himself off the door. "She probably would have woken up anyway." He still looked peaked which added to my guilt. "I'm going to go lay down," he said.

"Okay. Hey I really am sorry."

"Yeah, whatever. Night."

Quil walked slowly down the hallway and went into his room, closing the door behind him.

I made a face at Seth. "God, that has to suck," I said.

"What? Claire leaving?"

I shook my head. "No, feeling that horrible when your imprint cries. I mean, he looked really sick."

"Well, we've seen what imprinting does to those guys," Seth said. "We've both been in their heads. I think it's hardest for Quil though. I mean sure Jake imprinted on a little kid too, but Nessie has never really acted like a little kid does. Quil's the only one who has had to deal with this sort of stuff. I feel bad for the guy."

"Same here," I said.

Seeing the way Claire's crying had affected Quil really made me even more thankful that I hadn't imprinted. To be that invested in the life of another person was a scary prospect. It wasn't like a regular relationship in any sense of the word. The imprinted wolves lived and breathed for their imprints. In the back of my mind, I had to admit that I honestly thought I was a little too selfish to ever care that much about someone else. To put them and their needs before anything else….it wasn't something I was sure I would be capable of. Though I guess when you imprint you don't really have much of a choice, which was something else that I found daunting.

"I'm going to bed," Seth said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Huh? Oh yeah, good night."

As Seth got up, I sat and stared out the picture window. I remembered how just a couple of months ago I had wished that I imprinted on Jill. Which in turn reminded me that I hadn't imprinted on her, which meant I could conceivably still imprint on someone else, hurting Jill in the process. Which I think made me feel even more selfish. I looked away from the window and called out to Seth's retreating figure.

"Hey Seth."

Seth turned back to look at me. "Yeah?"

"Do you worry that you'll imprint? I mean you never really think about it."

Seth shrugged. "Not really. I mean if it happens it happens. I don't let stuff like that get me down."

"But what about dating. Do you think it's worth it for us to do it, knowing that out there somewhere is our soul mate just waiting for us to find her?"

"It's like I said to you earlier. We can't live our lives being terrified of imprinting. It wouldn't make for much of a life."

"I guess you're right," I said. "Oh by the way, I'm bringing Jill out here Saturday to meet you guys. Will you be around?"

"I'll be here," Seth said with a smile. "I'm glad you're bringing her down here."

"Yeah me too."

"All right, I'm going to bed," Seth said amiably.

"Night," I replied absently.

As Seth left, I sat thinking. I began to wonder if bringing Jill to the rez was the best idea and just hoped the whole thing didn't blow up in my face.

* * *

><p>AN: Two things. One I realize that I lied to Laziesttiger in my review reply the other day. That thing I said would be resolved this chapter, actually gets taken care of in the next chapter. Sorry! I forgot that something that originally happened here got moved. Also if anyone cares, Jill's horse was named for one of my favorite Racehorses who sadly passed away from cancer at age 4, Lost in the Fog. His barn name was taken from the space shuttle Challenger (about which I wrote a paper a fall semester). I was going to give her horse my horse's name, but I thought my horse might get testy with me about naming another horse with his name, fictional or not!


	8. Touched

**Well for the one person (you know who you are =) who reviewed the last chapter, I thank you. Since I am updating this story instead of studying for my Chemistry final, I hope those of you who are reading will take the time to drop a review. I would very much appreciate it!**

**Chapter title taken from the song "Touched" by VAST from the album "Visual Audio Sensory Theater"**

* * *

><p><em>"I looked into your eyes and saw, a world that does not exist<em>

_I looked into your eyes and saw, a world I wish I was in."_

_-VAST_

* * *

><p>My truck rumbled slowly along the road into La Push. On this day at the end of August it was pushing seventy degrees, a temperature that was considered downright balmy for the reservation. Jill sat beside me her head swiveling left and right as she took in all the tourist traps we were passing. As we headed out past the touristy area and drove towards my house, she finally broke the silence we had been driving in since we had entered the reservation's land.<p>

"Wow," Jill breathed. "I didn't know it would be so beautiful here."

I looked around, confused. "What, La Push?"

Jill looked over at me. "Yes!"

I frowned. "It's okay I guess."

"You guess? Embry, it's amazing."

"I wouldn't go that far," I grunted.

Jill just shook her head at me and fell silent. I looked around the area I had lived in my whole life and tried to see it through a newcomer's eye. I couldn't do it. What to Jill was a beautiful little tribal resort; to me was the place that represented everything that was holding me back.

"Hey what is that?" Jill was pointing out the totem pole that was in front of the tribal school I had attended.

"It's called a totem pole," I said.

"I know it's a totem pole." She smacked me on the arm. "But I mean what is it? What does it represent? Does it have a name?"

"It's called a totem pole," I repeated.

Jill gave me a withering look. "Seriously, what is it?"

"I dunno it's just a totem pole," I replied petulantly.

"Do you really not know?" Her tone was incredulous.

"No, I really don't know. I mean, I guess I never cared that much to find out."

"That's kind of sad. Don't you care about your heritage?"

"Sure, the part that affects me. Though it's not totally my heritage. I mean I'm only half Quileute."

"Really? You never told me that," Jill said.

I shrugged. "You never asked."

Jill glowered at me. "Are you trying to pick a fight?"

"No." I said. "I just mean that it never came up."

"Well, what else are you? Besides Quileute I mean."

"Makah, from my mother's side."

"Then that makes your dad-"

"Quileute," I finished.

"I don't understand. If your mom is Makah and you've never met your dad, how come you ended up living on the Quileute reservation? Why wouldn't you live on the Makah reservation?"

"My mom moved here before I was born. We just ended up staying here. I never really talked to her about it."

"You're really not one to ask questions are you?" Jill stated.

"I only ask questions that I know I'm going to get an answer to." I turned the truck into the driveway in front of my house. "We're here."

Jill looked at the small house through the windshield of the truck.

I watched her carefully, trying to gage her reaction. She suddenly smiled. "I love it," she said.

I raised an eyebrow. "You don't have to spare my feelings. It's about two steps up from a shack."

"No, it's quaint. I mean at my place I sometimes feel like my family and I are a set of marbles just sort of rattling around in a huge maze, lost, never quite able to find one another. This is so nice and cozy."

I gave Jill a grin. "You'll never get lost in here, trust me."

We both hopped out of the truck and walked towards the front door. Jill stopped and looked around taking in all the little houses scattered on my street. "I didn't expect you to live in like a real neighborhood. I guess I don't know what I expected."

I pointed at my house. "Well, I live here," I swept my hand dismissively at the other homes. "And nobody else really matters."

Jill gave a hearty laugh. "You are so conceited sometimes. It makes me wonder why I ever asked you out in the first place."

I grinned. "Well you're beautiful, I'm beautiful. I'm sure it just seemed to make sense for you at the time."

"You're so humble too. I think that's the most attractive quality you have," Jill said mockingly.

She began walking towards the house again, but I grabbed her hand to stop her progress. "Wait hang on a second."

"What's up?" Jill asked, her face taking on a worried look when my demeanor became tense.

"Two things. One; Do not mention anything about Caltech. My friends don't know about it and I want to keep it that way."

Jill frowned. "They don't even know that you applied?"

"No and I don't want them to," I said vehemently.

"Embry, I can't believe you didn't tell them. I mean do you guys talk about anything besides sports and boobs?"

I made a face. "I'm not really into sports."

Jill rolled her eyes. "Fine, my lips are sealed. What's the second thing?"

"Right okay, secondly do not, I repeat, do not let my friends get to you. I love these guys like brothers, but whatever little jabs they can get in, they will. They're like that annoying person in the elevator who keeps pushing the same button over and over even though it's lit up. They'll just keep stabbing that button to see how much you'll take before you snap."

"Well I appreciate the concern, but I can handle myself. I can jab with the best of 'em."

I nodded my head slowly. "Okay, but if you want to leave at any time just let me know."

Jill gave me a sidelong glance. "You are really nervous about me meeting your friends aren't you?"

"No, no," I said a little too quickly. "It's just you know…they're guys is all."

The truth is I was petrified. I mean the pack can be a bit much to take on a good day, and Jill and I were just getting back to normal after our fight. I was worried that one of my idiot friends would piss her off and she'd run for the hills, never looking back.

Before Jill could respond the front door of the house slammed open and Jacob marched onto the porch. "You going to bring her in or do I need to assert my superior physicality and drag you in here by the scruff of your neck?" Jake gave me a huge grin.

"Holy crap, he's bigger than you are," Jill whispered to me. She had claimed to be able to hold her own, but she was now clutching my hand with a death grip, her other hand clinging to my arm.

"Don't worry he's harmless. They all are. They only attack with words." I patted her hand reassuringly and steered her towards the door.

"Jake, this is Jill. Jill my oldest friend Jacob."

Jill gave Jacob a small smile. "Hi," she said quietly.

Jacob frowned at me. "What the hell did you tell her about me that has her so scared?"

"I'm not scared," Jill said. "It's just…..I thought Embry was big, but you're way bigger and honestly it's a little intimidating."

Jacob puffed his chest out. "Hear that Em? I'm bigger than you." He gave Jill a conspiratorial wink.

I could feel Jill relaxing a little as she sensed Jacob's laid-back manner. Her grip on my arm lessened and the confidence she had exuded the first time we met started to make its way to the surface. "Oh I assure you, Embry's big where it counts."

Jacob gave her an appraising look. After a moment he declared, "I like her. She's got spunk. Oh and by the way dude, there was a toad on your porch. Don't worry though I took care of it for you."

Jill gave me a funny look and I flushed. "I don't really like things that hop," I muttered.

Jill just laughed, but I threw Jacob a dirty look as the three of us made our way into the house. Seth was sitting in his recliner watching TV. He spun the chair around when we walked in and bounced to his feet. He threw himself at Jill, jabbering away.

"Hi, I'm Seth Clearwater. I'm the one who always gives Embry his awesome relationship advice so anything good he's ever done has come from me. Anything stupid he's done, well that's all on him."

"Hi Seth. I'll keep that in mind," Jill said with a laugh.

I glanced around for Quil and saw he was standing in the kitchen, a look of deep concentration on his face.

"That's Quil," I said, pointing him out to Jill. "Quil! This is Jill."

Quil looked at me and frowned. "Be quiet I'm thinking."

"Ahh, so that's what that burning smell is," I said with a grin.

Seth and Jake both snickered.

I jerked my thumb at Quil who had ignored my remark. "What's with him?"

Seth held up a finger. "Survey says?"

Jake imitated hitting a buzzer. "Who is Claire Redpath."

Seth groaned. "Dude you just mixed game shows. You can't confuse Family Feud with Jeopardy. It's just wrong. Have you learned nothing from the Game Show Network?"

"Is Claire Quil's girlfriend?" Jill asked me in a whisper.

I shook my head. How did I even begin to explain Quil and Claire to Jill? "No, ummm, Claire is sort of like Quil's….niece, except she's not his niece."

"Like his niece…but not," Jill repeated slowly.

"More like his goddaughter, but not like a daughter, but sort of maybe like a sister. It's sort of…you know it's kind of hard to explain," I finally shut up.

Jill was giving me a perplexed look. "You know I sometimes wish I knew how your mind worked because that made not one bit of sense."

Seth gave a snort. "You don't want to get inside Embry's head,_ believe_ me. It's all very 'Being John Malkovich' in there."

I gave Seth a hard look. I knew Jill didn't understand how serious Seth was, but still, he had to be more careful about making statements like that in front of someone who didn't know we were wolves. Seth gave me an apologetic grimace when Jill wasn't looking. _I forgot she doesn't know_, he mouthed.

"I think I need more eggs," Quil suddenly announced from the kitchen.

The four of us turned to look at Quil.

"The hell?" Jacob said.

"Digression, thy name is Quil," I snarked.

Quil glanced at us and then gave me a bewildered look. "Huh?"

"Digression. Just go to the 'D' section in the dictionary and let your fingers do the walking." I imitated flipping the pages of a book. "You'll figure it out."

Quil sighed. "I know what digression means, Embry. I did graduate from high school." He suddenly started as he noticed Jill for the first time. "This the girlfriend?" He asked.

Jill gave him a wave. "Hi, I'm Jill."

"I figured," Quil retorted.

I glared at him. "Sorry, he's not normally this insolent," I told her. I took in the mess of bowls and pans on the kitchen counter behind Quil. "What are you doing?" I asked him.

"He's baking Claire a cake for her first day of school," Jacob informed me.

"Really? He's baking? Quil you're baking?" I looked at Seth. "Have we replaced the batteries in the smoke detector yet?"

"Very funny," Quil said.

"I can cook." Seth piped up.

"Oh yes that's right I forgot," I said. "You're the Frugal Gourmet."

"No remember when I made that awesome corn custard for Leah's birthday party a couple years ago? Remember that?"

"Wow you're right. That was so amazing I can't believe I didn't commit it to memory." I rolled my eyes and returned to addressing Quil. "Quil let me give you a tip. Make sure it's actually sugar and not salt. True story." I recalled my one foray into the baking world some years ago. Suffice to say…..it wasn't pretty. I turned to Jill. "Do you want something to drink?"

Jill nodded. "Sure what do you have?"

"Arnold Palmer," Seth, Jacob, and Quil answered simultaneously.

"Arnold Palmer, what's that?" Jill asked.

"It's Arizona Iced-Tea and Lemonade. Embry buys it by the gallon. He uses it to make Long Islands." Seth told her.

"Yep, he drinks 'em like their going out of style." Jacob leaned over to Jill and mock whispered, "Embry's a total lush."

I gave Jake the evil eye. While it was true I did like to make the Long Islands from time to time, that in no way made me a lush. Besides, any alcohol I drank, my high body temperature just burned right off anyway. I hadn't been able to get a decent buzz since I was sixteen. "Ignore them," I told Jill.

"I'll just have some water," Jill laughed and sat on the couch.

I went into the kitchen to grab a water for Jill and watched as Quil stared forlornly at the Betty Crocker box. "What's the matter?" I asked.

"Well I mean it's this," Quil waved his hand at the box. "Betty Crocker needs to realize that people who don't know how to cook, like this guy-" Here Quil pointed at himself. " –need instructions that aren't in like a secret code."

"Damn that Betty Crocker and her pretentious golden cake recipe," I said.

"Shut up, I'd like to see you try and make it," Quil snarled.

"Dude, it's a box of cake mix. That's not exactly rocket science." I snatched the box from his hand and scanned the directions while asking him, "Why don't you just buy a cake?"

"Because it wouldn't be the same. I want to make it. That way it'll be special."

I handed him the cake mix back. "I think Claire will think it's special whether you bake it or buy it. She's five. A cake is a cake to her."

"I want it to be homemade," Quil repeated.

I shrugged. "Well I say just throw all the shit into a bowl and cook it. What's the worst that can happen?"

Quil gave me a shove. "Please go away now."

Jill got up from the couch and joined us in the kitchen. "Quil, I can help you make the cake," she said.

I gave her a thankful smile. As much as I love to give Quil a hard time, I was glad Jill offered to help him.

"Really?" Quil asked hopefully.

"Sure." Jill took the box and after reading it began putting together the ingredients. "I think it's nice that you want the cake to be homemade," she told him.

I watched as Jill and Quil mixed the batter and put it into a cake pan. After the cake was baking, Jill wiped her hands on a towel. "See, that was easy."

"Thanks for helping, I really appreciate it," Quil said.

I pulled Jill close and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "That was very sweet of you." I captured her lips in a kiss.

"Awwwww, soooooo cute," Quil said.

Jill turned around in my arms and smiled at Quil. "Well now that I've helped you, I want to know everything there is to know about Embry, and all of you."

"Uh oh," I said. "The ulterior motive patrol is on the job."

Jill tried to smack my leg but I hugged her tighter so she couldn't get her arms free. "I don't see what's so wrong with wanting to get to know your friends. So tell me Quil, are you in school too or do you just have a job?"

"Shush!" I said. "Don't say the word job in Quil's presence. Gainful employment is his kryptonite."

"Embry, be nice to your friends," Jill chided.

"You don't understand. I have to put Quil in his place every once in a while lest he misguidedly start to believe that any of us actually like him," I informed Jill with a smirk.

"Hardy har har har," Quil said disdainfully. "And no I don't go to school and I'm currently not working anywhere. I kind of have my hands full with Claire and the pack."

My eyes widened and I made a finger slashing gesture across my throat. Had these guys forgotten how to keep a secret? That was twice now that a reference to the pack was made.

"The pack?" Jill asked.

"What he means-" Jake walked into the kitchen. "-is that he's been helping out with the corralling of a pack of wild dogs that have been running around Olympic Park. See the tribe is sort of responsible for the part of our land that falls in the park and we've been having issues with a few wild dogs. That's what he means."

"Yes, yep. That's what I mean." Quil said quickly.

"What about you Jacob," Jill asked, apparently okay with Jacob's explanation.

"Same as Quil, helping the tribe. My dad's on the council so…."

"I'm still in high school," Seth added. "But my mom's on the council so I help her out."

"My grandpa too," Quil interjected. "I help him."

"Wow all of you help with the council? That's really interesting." Jill tipped her head back against my chest and looked up at me. "Why don't you help on the council?"

"Because my mom's not on it. She's Makah remember?"

"Oh, right. Sorry I didn't mean-"

"I know," I said.

Sensing my discomfort, Jacob jumped in. "Hey why don't we watch a movie or something."

"Good idea," I agreed. A movie would kill two birds with one stone. We'd get out of the father zone and Jill wouldn't be able to ask Seth, Quil, and Jake anymore personal questions which could lead to another slip. Jacob didn't have us under as tough of a gag order as Sam had. We knew we couldn't talk about the pack but he didn't _forbid_ us per say. It was just sort of acknowledged that we wouldn't talk about it. And we didn't. We had gotten so used to keeping it a secret that is was sort of second nature. I knew that Seth's little slip didn't mean much and Quil's gaffe was merely because he was distracted by thoughts of Claire, as usual. It had been quite a while since any of them had hung out with someone who didn't know our secret.

Seth and Quil each took up residence in their recliners which left Jill, Jake, and I to share the sofa. Between Jake and myself, we nearly took up the whole couch. After a moment of deliberation, Jill pushed my legs apart and planted herself in between them. She leaned back against my chest and hooked one of her legs over mine. I pulled her closer and pushed my nose into her hair. It always smelled so good. It was a clean scent, like freshly laundered sheets and I couldn't help but inhale deeply.

"Dude, I'm right here," Jacob said.

"What! It's not like we're making out on top of you or anything," I retorted.

"Not yet anyway," Jill whispered into my ear.

I knew she thought she was being covert, but with our enhanced hearing everyone in the room heard what she said. Jacob's nose wrinkled in disgust and Seth and Quil tittered like five year olds.

"Can we please just watch the movie?" I begged.

Jill wriggled closer against me and I felt my body respond immediately to her movements. She subtlety moved her hand down between us.

"Well, well," she breathed in my ear. "It might be sooner than we think."

Jacob jumped off the sofa like he'd been shocked. "Hey now," he exclaimed holding his hands up. "I want no part of this."

"What, nothing's going on." I said, trying to keep my face as neutral as possible.

"Yeah do you know who's as dumb as you think we are?" Jacob asked. "No one, that's who," he answered his own question. "Quil, Seth, let's give these two some privacy before I'm scarred for life, okay?"

"No really, it's okay. You guys can stay," Jill said.

Jacob reached over and grabbed Seth by the back of his shirt while making a 'come on' gesture to Quil. "No, we promised my dad we'd help out at his place this afternoon anyway, so we'll just go hang out there," Jacob said. "We'll stay away for many, _many_ hours."

"But what about my cake," Quil protested. "It's only been in for like ten minutes."

"They'll get your cake," Jacob reassured him. "Let's go."

"It was nice meeting you guys," Jill said with a smile. "Maybe next time we'll actually get to talk."

"Yep, sure thing. See ya." Jacob pushed Seth and Quil out the front door.

"Looks like we're all alone," I said slowly.

Jill nodded. "Yep, looks that way. Did you guys plan that or something?"

"What? Of course not. I know you wanted to hang out with them."

Jill arched an eyebrow at me then stretched up and seized my lips in a kiss. Things were just starting to heat up when the front door opened again.

Quil, shielding his eyes, popped his head around the door. "Hey guys, the timer for my cake is going to go off in like five minutes, can you please take it out of the oven?"

"Quil, get the hell out of here!" I shouted.

"Don't worry I'll get your cake," Jill promised him.

"Okay, thanks. Have fun." Quil peeked at us through his fingers.

"QUIL!"

"I'm going, I'm going, sheesh." Quil chortled and slammed the front door after him.

"Now, where were we?" My lips found Jill's again and I was just about to relieve her of her oh so annoying top when the timer on the oven buzzed. I dropped my head back against the couch cushions and groaned in frustration. "No way that was five minutes," I snarled.

Jill hopped up and walked to the kitchen. "Well it's not like it was a timer to end our little make out session Embry. I'm pretty sure you're going to score."

"Oh yeah?" I said. I followed her to the kitchen and snagged her around the middle pulling her against me.

"Be careful," she laughed. "I have a hot cake pan in my hands."

"That's not the only hot thing you're going to have in your hands," I rumbled in her ear.

I grabbed the cake pan and oven mitt from her hands, tossed both on the counter, and spun her around all in one motion.

"Anxious are we?" she giggled.

"Well you saw what five minutes was in Quil's mind. Many, many hours may translate into twenty minutes knowing those guys."

"Well, we better hurry then," Jill smiled.

* * *

><p>"EMBRY!"<p>

The shout jerked me awake. I shot up in bed and blinked rapidly several times, wondering if I had imagined it.

"EMBRY! ARE YOU HERE?"

Definitely didn't imagine it. It was my mother. What the hell was she doing here? I mean I hadn't talked to the woman in three weeks. I know she didn't know why I hadn't talked to her, but to just show up out of the blue? I glanced quickly over at Jill who was still sound asleep. As my mother's voice called my name again, Jill stirred and slowly opened her eyes.

"Someone here?" she asked, her voice thick with sleep.

"It's my mother," I breathed.

Jill gave me a sleepy smile. "You mean I'm finally going to get to meet your mother?"

My eyes widened and I gave her a horrified look. "Hell no," I whispered.

Jill frowned. "Why not?"

I waved my hand between the two of us. "Because the first time you meet my mother it is not going to be naked in my bed. And most definitely not right after we just…you know."

"We just what? Had sex?"

"SHHH!" I gave her a dirty look. "Do you mind keeping your voice down," I hissed.

Jill made a face. "What? Come on, Em. You're an adult. You think your mother doesn't know that you have sex?"

"Of course she doesn't know," I declared. "She probably thinks I don't even know what sex is. I mean I wasn't exactly king stud in high school."

Jill sat up, the sheet falling from the top half of her body. For a moment I was very distracted by the view.

"You're joking right?"

I slowly shook my head and tried to tear my eyes away from her body.

Jill noticed my gaze and leaned back on her hands, pushing her chest out. "So I shouldn't mention that just a little bit ago you begged me to let you-"

Her words were cut off as I slapped my hand over her mouth. "Don't breathe a word about that to anyone."

I could hear my mother rustling around in the kitchen, cabinets opening and closing in her wake. I silently cursed the fact that no one on the rez ever locked their doors. Damn us and our trusting ways.

"If we're very, very quiet, she'll go away," I whispered.

Jill pushed my hand off her mouth and pouted. "Come on, I want to meet her."

I pretended to consider that. "Let me think. Umm, no."

Jill glanced at the bedroom door, than back at me. "OH EMBRY," she sighed loudly. "Ohhhh that feels so good!"

"What are you doing?" I whispered, a note of hysteria in my voice.

Jill gave me an evil look. "OH DON'T STOP! YES! YES!"

I slapped my hand over her mouth again. "Are you insane?" I cried quietly.

"Embry?"

I heard my mother call me again, her tone much more tentative. I could hear her moving towards the hallway.

"Get up, get up," I whispered urgently.

I tumbled out of bed, hitting the floor with less grace than usual and winced at the thud.

"Embry? Are you here?" My mother's voice was almost to my bedroom door.

I frantically ran around my room in circles looking for Jill's clothes. Jill apparently did not share my urgency. She merely leaned back on my pillows and watched me desperately tossing things around my room.

I finally stopped my frenzied circles and gave her an anxious look. "You need to get dressed!"

Jill raised an eyebrow at me. "Maybe _you_ should get dressed," she said with a smile.

I glanced down at my naked body and gasped. "Oh my God." I grabbed a pair of shorts off the floor and hastily pulled them on.

"Now you," I informed her. I finally found her bra and tossed it to her.

She rolled her eyes, but grabbed the bra and slowly put it on.

"Embry?" My mother knocked tentatively on my bedroom door.

"Hey Ma!" I said, trying to sound as normal as possible. "Umm, I'll be out in a sec, okay?"

I made hurry up motions at Jill as I found her top and jeans and tossed those at her as well. Her top smacked her in the face and she gave me a dirty look.

_Sorry_, I mouthed.

"Are you okay in there?"

"I'm fine Ma, I just woke up. Give me a minute, okay?"

I ran back over to the bed and grabbed Jill's top, trying to put it on her.

"I can dress myself," she snapped, her words laced with acid.

"Good. Do it, then go out my window." I went over to my window, opened it, and made a shooing motion.

Jill stopped, her top halfway over her head. "I am NOT climbing out of your window," she exclaimed hotly.

"Baby, please. I don't have time to argue with you."

"Don't 'baby please' me," she barked.

I winced at how loud she was being. "Keep your voice down," I pleaded.

"Embry?" My mother again.

I groaned in frustration. With narrowed eyes I stomped over to the bed, pushed Jill back to a laying position, and threw my sheets over her head.

"Just stay there and don't move," I said quietly.

I could see Jill shaking her head under the sheet. "Unbelievable. I mean you think she's not going to see me?"

I hurried over to my bedroom door and opened it a crack. "Hey Ma," I said, feigning a jaw cracking yawn. "I just got up."

My mother smirked at me. "I brought you boys some groceries. I would have told you I was going to do that if I would have seen you in the last three weeks," she said slowly, all the while attempting to peer around my body into the bedroom.

I moved more into the doorframe, trying to block as much of her view as possible. "Oh yeah sorry, I've been busy but that's great Ma, about the groceries, I mean. Thanks." I gave her my most charming smile.

"Yeah, thanks Ms. Call," Jill called from under the sheets.

I closed my eyes and groaned. When I felt brave enough, I peeked through my eyelids to see my mother's amused face looking up at me.

"Why don't you and your company get dressed," she said. "Then come help me put the rest of these groceries away."

"Okay," I squeaked.

My mother shook her head and walked back down the hallway. I closed my door and leaned against it heavily. With a loud sigh I turned to look at Jill who had climbed out from under the sheets.

"That wasn't nice," I scolded her.

Jill shrugged and pulled her jeans on. "Neither was shoving me under the sheets or trying to get me to climb out your window."

I sputtered for a moment. "You're right," I finally grudgingly agreed.

Jill smiled. "But see; now the band-aid is just ripped right off. She knows you're a big boy who does big boy things."

As she spoke she sashayed her way across the room until she was standing in front of me. "I think I'll keep the fact that you're a bad boy who does bad boy things to myself though," she whispered huskily. She ran her hands up and down my chest slowly, using her fingernails to lightly scrape my burning skin. God I loved that.

I swallowed hard and nodded. "Good idea," I managed to choke out.

Jill nodded slowly. "In fact maybe after your mom is gone I'll let you do that thing you wanted to do."

My lips twitched and I gave her a hopeful look. "Really?" I asked, a desperate note in my voice.

"Uh huh," she murmured, pushing herself against me.

I couldn't help the low growl that rumbled up my throat.

"Ohh, that's very sexy," Jill purred, her lips against my chest.

I growled deeper.

"EMBRY! GROCIERIES!"

My sex drive screeched to a halt at the sound of my mother's voice.

"Coming!" I called weakly. I looked down at Jill. "Well, I guess we better get this over with," I said with a sad little sigh.

Jill gave me a cheeky smile. "Don't worry. After she's gone I promise that you can-"

I clapped my hand over her mouth for the third time in as many minutes. "We can do it, but let's not talk about it with my mother in the next room. It's just too repelling."

"I never knew you were such a mama's boy," Jill laughed.

I frowned. "I'm not a mama's boy," I said with a tone of disgust.

"Embry! You flipped out at the very idea of your mother knowing you had a girl in your room."

"It's not that simple," I said. "Look, my mom and I haven't had the best relationship recently. I mean we barely spoke for a year. Things are just still a little weird, okay? That's why I didn't want you to meet her."

Jill stared up at me. "Why didn't you ever tell me this?"

"Because it's my business, you know, it's my personal business."

"I don't understand why you feel like you can't share these things with me," Jill said softly. "I mean we just talked about this. We have to be able to communicate or we're going to have problems."

"Look, I really don't want to get into this now, okay? Let's just go," I said sharply.

I grabbed a t-shirt off the floor and hastily tugged it on then jerked my thumb at the door. "Move it."

Jill gave me a peevish look but opened the bedroom door and sauntered down the hallway. I followed in her wake, dreading what my mother was going to say, but possibly dreading what Jill was going to say even more. The girl had no filter.

Jill and I made our way into the kitchen where my mother was unloading paper bags onto the small counter.

"Hey Ma," I said quietly as we joined her.

"Embry," she said curtly. She turned and appraised Jill. "I'm sorry my son is so rude. I'm Aponi Call. It's nice to meet you….." My mother trailed off and looked at me expectantly.

"Jill Reilly," I muttered.

"It's nice to meet you," Jill smiled. She held her hand out and my mother shook it slowly while looking Jill up and down.

She took in Jill's strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair skin then raised her eyebrows at me. "I take it you guys didn't meet on the rez," she said with a smirk.

"No, I live in Port Angeles," Jill said.

My mother gave me a look. "Port Angeles, huh. So how _did_ you two meet?"

"At work, I fixed her car," I said quickly. "Can we do the groceries please?"

"Now Embry, let's not be impolite." My mother smiled at my obvious discomfort. "I'm meeting your girlfriend for the first time. Surely we can chat for a minute."

I sighed heavily. "Whatever," I mumbled. I flopped down into the sole kitchen chair and rubbed my face briskly with the palms of my hands.

"So Jill, are you in school?"

Jill shook her head. "I got accepted to UCLA but I'm deferring for a year," she said. "I want to do some travelling first. My dad's from Ireland and my grandparents still live there. I was thinking of visiting them and then maybe going to England and Scotland."

I frowned at this new tidbit of information. Jill had told me about UCLA but not about travelling to Europe or anywhere else for that matter. "You're going to Europe?" I asked a little too hastily. No need to sound desperate or anything. "You never said anything about going away." Why can't I ever stop myself? Why?

Jill gave me an impatient look. "You never asked," she stated in a matter of fact tone, throwing my own words from earlier back at me.

"Well I'm asking, I'm asking right now. How long are you going for?" Wow. Now I sounded really frantic. I could tell how attractive my anxiety was by the annoyed look Jill was giving me.

"Maybe we could talk about this later?" She said quietly.

"Well, maybe we will," I declared.

"Embry, could you give the girl a break?" My mother was giving me a disapproving look.

I scowled, but when my mother frowned at me, I quickly rearranged my face into something resembling a normal expression.

"Now," my mother returned her attention to Jill. "Where in Ireland is your father from?"

"He's from Ballyfermot. It's a suburb of Dublin."

"It must be nice there. I always wanted to go to Europe. So how did your family end up in Washington?" My mother asked.

"My dad's job," Jill said. "I was born in New York but we moved around a lot. We were in Boston for a while and then Cleveland. We finally ended up in Seattle."

I whistled. "That's a lot of moving."

My mother gave me a condemning look. "Embry, did you ask this poor girl anything about herself before you slept with her?"

"MOM!" I shouted.

Jill laughed. "It's okay Ms. Call. I know Embry's not much of a talker." She rubbed my arm pacifyingly.

"No, he's not," My mother agreed. "He gets that from his father."

I stiffened at the word. Jill sensed my tension and quickly tried to steer the conversation away from me.

"Anyway," She continued. "My parents fell in love with Washington and when my father retired they chose to move to Port Angeles."

"What did your father do?" My mother inquired.

"He was a neurosurgeon," Jill said. "Now he plays golf and tinkers around with old cars."

Still on edge, I abruptly stood up. "Well now that we all know each other, let's put these groceries away."

My mother shook her head. "I'm sorry Jill. I know I didn't raise my son to be this ill-mannered."

I made a face. "And yet." I snapped. In a huff I grabbed some groceries and began hastily stuffing things into the refrigerator.

"Embry, will you calm down?" My mother said. "You're being ridiculous."

I slammed the refrigerator door shut. "Hey Ma, remember when we hated each other and we didn't talk for almost a whole year? That was fun wasn't it? Maybe we should try that again."

I dropped my head when I saw the wounded look on my mother's face. I pinched the bridge of my nose and started, "Look-"

"I never hated you." My mother's voice was barely a whisper. She took a deep breath. Louder she said, "Well these groceries should last you boys a week or so." She patted the counter absently. "Jill, it was nice to meet you." She turned abruptly and headed for the door.

"Mom!" I called after her.

My mother ignored me and swept out of the house.

I looked up and saw Jill giving me a reproachful glare.

"I know, okay? You don't have to say it because I know."

Jill shook her head slowly. "You realize what you just did was really reprehensible, right? You're aware of that?"

"Yes, I'm an asshole. What more do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't even know." Jill began pacing the small kitchen. "I mean I look at you and I think 'how did I end up with this amazing guy?' And then you do something like this and I don't even know who you are. It's like on the surface you're sweet and funny and sensitive. But underneath, God, underneath you can be really…..you can be really cold and cruel."

"Well what do you want from me? I'm not perfect you know!"

"I don't expect you to be perfect! Nobody can be perfect, but you just lash out at everyone for no reason and that's a really deplorable coping mechanism for dealing with whatever issues it is that you have."

"I don't have issues, I'm not some damn girl," I snapped. "And I have every reason to be pissed at my mother. You don't know anything about our relationship so maybe you should just shut the hell up!"

Jill nodded, her face flushed with anger. "Okay. Fine. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to get my stuff and you are going to take me home because we're done."

"Jill, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Jill held up a hand. "Save it, Embry. That whole lashing out thing I just mentioned? Yeah, classic example, and I won't put up with being treated like that. I forgave you once. Not again."

She stormed out of the kitchen and down the hall to my bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

I leaned against the counter and rubbed my eyes until I saw spots. What was wrong with me? I used to think I was a nice guy, but now I was starting to realize that I wasn't that nice at all. This was the second time someone had called me cold as I remembered Emily's words to me a few months ago. I was beginning to wonder if Jill and Emily both were right. Maybe I _was_ just a cold, unfeeling bastard. As I was thinking this Jill came out of my room. She walked slowly towards me and stopped, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"I can't find one of my socks, so if you find it, you can just toss it," she said. "I'm ready to go now."

"Jill, can we please just talk about this?" I pleaded.

"Not right now. I honestly don't really want to talk to you at the moment." She turned and headed out the front door.

With a sigh, I grabbed my keys and followed her out to the truck.

* * *

><p>Much like our drive into La Push, our drive back to Port Angeles was heavy with silence. I tried a few times to talk but Jill had cut me off each time and spent the ride staring distantly out the window. When I finally pulled into her driveway I expected her to jump out of the truck without a look backwards, but instead she turned on the seat to face me.<p>

"Embry, I know that you're a good guy. But there is something going on with you that you are so angry about, that I think right now you are your own worst enemy. I know this isn't just about school-"

"It's something I don't want to get into-," I tried to interrupt, but Jill held up a finger.

"I'm not done," Jill said. "You obviously don't want to talk about whatever it is that happened with your mother, and that's fine, I can respect that. What I can't respect is you taking out your anger on me or anyone else unfortunate enough to cross your path. And all I see is you on this downward spiral of crippling resentment and fury and I know there's nothing I can do to stop it. So what I think is best right now is for you to deal with this on your own."

"I can deal with it and still be with you," I said imploringly.

Jill slowly shook her head. She reached forward and cupped my face in her hands. "I can't stand by and watch you self-destruct from the inside. I'm not built that way. You don't want help to deal with whatever is going on with you-"

"I'll let you help me," I whispered.

"I wish I could believe that, but I know you well enough to know that you don't want me to be your savior. But hear this-" Jill gazed into my eyes as she spoke. "-what you do need is to save yourself from yourself. I'm begging you to look deep inside yourself and find the strength that I _know_ you have to dig yourself out of this darkness you're in. Please do that for me, okay?"

I swallowed hard and my words hitched in my chest as I spoke. "So there's no hope for us at all?"

Jill gave me a small smile. "Well if you ever make it to Caltech, how about you look me up at UCLA." She leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss than dropped her hands from my face and reached over to open her door. "Do me a favor though, will you?" she asked turning back to face me.

"Sure," I said, my voice thick with emotion.

"Even though you might not think she deserves it…..go apologize to your mom, okay?"

I nodded but couldn't bring myself to answer.

"Okay. Take care of yourself, Embry." Jill slid out of the truck and closed the door.

With a sad wave I watched Jill disappear into her house and out of my life.


	9. Loneliness is Fine

**First let me say thank you for all the lovely reviews I received on the last chapter. They were very much appreciated! **

**Secondly the wonderful (name deleted to protect the innocent ;) has nominated both me and Embry Call of the Wild for two Tomato Soup Awards, so if you guys wouldn't mind keeping the URL in your favorites until voting opens in September I would appreciate all the votes I can get!**

**The voting site URL is: thetomatosoupaward (dot) blogspot (dot) com**

**I'm in the running for the Suffering Succotash Award and the Starfruit Award so save the above mentioned website and vote vote vote!**

**Now that my shameless self-plugging is finished, let's commence with the story!**

**Chapter title taken from the song "Loneliness is Fine" by VAST from the EP "Bang Band Sixxx"**

* * *

><p>"<em>Feels like emptiness but the emptiness is mine,<em>

_Feels like loneliness and loneliness is fine."_

_-VAST_

* * *

><p>I drove back to La Push in a daze. I couldn't believe that I had utterly and completely wrecked my relationship. Then again, maybe I <em>could<em> believe it and that was why I suddenly felt so numb. Jill had been right, she did deserve better than some bitter jerk who took out his problems on everyone else. I think she had given me the reality check that I needed to take control of my life again. Starting with apologizing to my mother. I drove to the house I had lived in nearly my whole life and parked my truck. I sat in the cab and stared at the small, whitewashed clapboard house. My mother's car wasn't in the driveway, so I knew she wasn't home. I climbed sluggishly out of the truck and made my way towards the front door.

It had been over a year since I had last set foot in my mother's house. Even though I knew the front door would be open, I found myself veering towards the side of the house and climbing through my bedroom window, just as I had done during the last couple of years that I lived here. My room was unchanged from the last time I saw it, the few posters I had on the walls still stuck up with push pins, my periodic table still affixed on the ceiling above where my bed had been so I could work on memorizing it before I went to sleep. The room had a stagnant feel to it, like it hadn't been aired out since I left. There was a stale smell permeating the room that stung my sensitive nose with an unpleasant tang, so I hiked up the other window as well to allow a breeze to move the musty air around.

I walked slowly out the door of my old room and down the small hallway towards the living room. That was unchanged as well, the small area a cheerful yellow that I had always liked. Now though, it just made me feel sad. I hadn't realized how much I missed this house until the moment I saw all the little things that my mother had done to make it a home. I sat on the loveseat, a gloomy look on my face, while I waited for my mother to return. My head was pounding which was irritating because, since I had begun phasing, I couldn't remember the last time I had gotten a single headache. Apparently my wolf side was pissed at me too.

When my mother finally walked in the door and saw me sitting on her loveseat she stopped short. She regarded me nonplused for a few moments but finally said, "You look upset."

I sighed. "Speaking of dour constitutions, you don't look so jovial yourself."

"Well after my only son said some extremely horrible things to me, I spent the rest of my day dealing with tourists. That doesn't exactly make me want to do the jig when I walk through the door."

"Mom, can I be candid with you? I have some stuff I need to say."

"All right." My mother shrugged her coat off and sat opposite me in her rocking chair. "What do you want to say?"

"First let me start by saying I'm sorry. What I said to you earlier was really inappropriate and juvenile, and you didn't deserve it."

"No, I didn't," my mother agreed.

"I know and I feel very badly about it."

My mother gave me a look. "Is that it?"

I shook my head. "No." I leaned forward, my elbows on my knees, my fingers laced together and stared at the worn braided rug under my feet. "How come you never told me Joshua Uley was my father?"

I heard my mother's sharp intake of breath. "Who told you that?" She whispered.

"No one told me, I figured it out by myself," I said. I looked up at her. "Why didn't _you_ tell me?" I asked again.

My mother's chin trembled as she spoke. "Because I didn't want you to get hurt," she said tearfully.

I jumped up and started pacing. After a moment I stopped in front of her and shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my jeans. "I didn't need your protection, I needed honesty. I could have handled it if you would have told me the truth. I could have maybe even had a relationship with my brother."

"You do have a relationship with your brother. Emily has told me how close you and Sam are."

"It's not…it's not the same. There might have been some things I would have changed if I had known the truth. As it stands right now, Sam and I are nothing like brothers, not like we were before….not like we could have been."

My mother stood up and placed her hands on my arms. "Sam's mother wouldn't have allowed it, Embry. She knew Joshua was no good, but she wasn't about to let you remind her of that by allowing Sam to acknowledge you as his brother. I'm your mother I wanted to protect you from being hurt."

"So what, I should be all venerated at how noble you were, protecting my feelings like that? You should have told me," I rebuked.

"Embry, I was afraid if I told you, you'd…"

"I'd what?" I snapped.

My mother gave me a sorrow filled gaze. "Honey you might not want to hear this but you have this tendency to shut down. You get this look, this….emotionally dead look that is _so_ scary-"

I pulled my hands from my pockets and threw them angrily in the air. "Why does everyone say that I'm cold? I'm not some emotionless robot! I don't just push a switch and turn on and off! I'm a person! A person who, believe it or not, does have feelings!"

"I'm not saying you don't have feelings Embry."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you shove things so deep down inside of yourself that without realizing it you push people away. I didn't tell you Joshua was your father because I was afraid if I told you the truth I was going to lose you."

"Well, honestly, not telling me didn't work out much better," I muttered.

"I realize that." My mother sighed heavily and slumped back into her chair. "So this is what it's all been about? All these years? The lying, the sneaking out, the not talking? It was because you knew I had lied to you?"

I nodded slowly. "Yes."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say to you other than that." My mother's voice was tinged with resignation as she spoke.

I dropped back onto the loveseat. "I'm sorry too. I know I handled things badly, I admit that. I was just so angry that you had been lying to me my whole life…I honestly didn't know what to do."

My mother crossed her legs and began to rock slowly in her chair. The old wood of the rockers creaked and groaned as she moved. "So what now?" She asked.

I shook my head. "I really don't know."

"Do you think we can fix this?"

I watched her rocking for a moment, the image of her in that chair flooding me with a wave of memories of her in that exact same spot, rocking in just the same way as I did homework, watched TV, read books on the old worn loveseat. My chest suddenly felt tight and I had to swallow hard around the lump in my throat. "I hope so," I said.

She nodded her head slowly and closed her eyes, still rocking. "I hope so too."

* * *

><p>When I got home Seth and Quil still hadn't returned. Grateful for the quiet, I turned the stereo on and lay on the couch, preparing for a big time moping session. Though the talk with my mother had gotten some things off my chest, I was still stuck dealing with the realization that Jill and I were through. I was just getting into my brooding groove when Quil bounded through the front door, Seth on his heels.<p>

"Uh oh," Quil said.

I craned my neck backwards and saw Quil standing in the doorway, his arm thrown protectively across Seth's chest.

"What's up?" Seth said, looking at Quil's arm blocking his way into the house.

"The last time I heard this song it was because Embry got a B on his report card. That was a dark day my friend…a dark day."

I groaned and gave Quil a look. "You'll have to excuse me if I'm just not in the mood to engage in any persiflage with you at the moment."

Quil dropped his arm and flopped into the recliner next to me. "I will excuse you, mainly because I don't know what persiflage means," he said. "So what's with the depression? When we left you seemed happy enough."

"Well, I've realized that I'm like a black hole. Everyone I know just sort of orbits independently in a great ellipsis around my black sucking depths in a celestial effort to get away from me. Yep, I'm basically a virulent pit of suck."

Quil gave me a puzzled look. "Huh?"

I sighed and threw my arm over my face as I spoke. "Jill dumped me, thus I am sulking."

"What? What happened?" Seth asked.

"Well, where do I begin?" I dropped my arm and sat up. "My mother showed up, I said something horrible to her, Jill called me on it, and I told her to shut the hell up. After that everything's sort of a blur."

"Oh…..well did you apologize?"

"Yeah I apologized, but it doesn't matter. Basically I suck and not surprisingly Jill doesn't want to see me anymore."

"That's unfortunate," Quil said.

I glanced over at him. "You think?" I snapped.

Quil held up his hands. "I'm sorry man, I mean….I don't know what to say. I know you liked her a lot and she seemed really nice." He bit his lip and after a moment said, "Want me to go talk to her for you? I bet I could get her to change her mind. I'm all kinds of convincing."

I couldn't help but give a small grin. "That's nice and all but I suspect that wouldn't do much to improve the situation. Besides the undoubtedly zany hijinks that would ensue from that conversation would probably do more harm than good. And at this point I don't think any soliloquies that Jill would hear on my behalf would be enough to change her mind."

"What'd she say exactly," Seth inquired. "To make you think that is was over for good?"

"She said that I needed to be on my own to work out all my air quote 'issues'. Oh and something about me being in darkness and you know needing to save myself."

Seth made a face. "Wow that's kind of harsh."

"It's not harsh if it's the truth," I said. "I clearly have stuff I need to deal with, and in case it wasn't painfully obvious to all, I tend to suck at dealing. Basically I'm 'The Little Engine That Could' of evasion."

"I don't believe that," Quil said. "You dealt with being a wolf, you dealt with finding out who your father was-"

"No I didn't deal with it, I just sort of ignored it. And my ignoring of the situation, like the way I handle everything else, blew up like the Hiroshima bomb all over my mother when she stopped by earlier. Unfortunately the radioactive after effects landed on Jill."

"So you don't think she'll take you back?" Seth asked.

"Highly doubtful."

"Well…..who needs her then? She seemed like a real S.U.B. and I for one am glad you're rid of her," Seth declared.

I gave a half-hearted laugh. "While I appreciate the sentiment buddy, I kind of doubt the veracity of that statement."

Seth shrugged. "Sorry man, I tried."

"I'm still stuck back on how you compared her to a sub sandwich," Quil said. "I don't get how that's an insult."

That made me actually laugh for real. "S.U.B. Quil. It stands for stuck up bitch, which of course we all know she wasn't. Seth was just trying to make me feel better."

Quil frowned. "Why do you always have to say stuff I don't get? I mean persiafluges and veracimmitty or whatever…..none of it computes, know what I'm saying?"

"I apologize profusely and I'll try to cease being such a grammar fascist, I promise," I said with a grin. "This is after all an egalitarian household, it's only apropos that everyone should be accommodated, even those who drive me crazy because they use dangling modifiers whenever they leave a note."

"You're right, you do suck," Quil snapped.

"I'm sorry, I'm just joking with you, Quil," I said.

"Yeah man, I can't understand anything Embry says either, so don't feel so bad," Seth added with a laugh.

"I'll forgive the fact that you're a jackass only because you just got dumped and I'm a nice guy," Quil said primly.

"Thanks buddy," I said. "Now, I appreciate you guys trying to cheer me up, but I'm not quite ready to be happy, so if you don't mind, I'd like to be left to my brooding."

"You going to be okay?" Seth asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I kind of need to take stock of everything and work on my problems. Well the inside problems because on the outside," I waved a hand at myself. "I mean, come on, it doesn't get much better than this."

Seth laughed. "Man, even when you get dumped, you still manage to be a smartass."

"Yes, sadly making derisive comments is one of my biggest personality foibles. No wonder Jill kicked me to the curb. I should probably work on that flaw."

"Know what you really need to work on?" Quil said. "Not vomiting out a dictionary every time you open your mouth."

"While at the moment I'm too depressed to construct an adequate verbal response to that, make sure to tune in later because I'm confident I'll be able to think of many comebacks, some of which will be extremely cutting."

Quil snorted. "Whatever word slut. I could care less about your cutting remarks."

I groaned. "It's 'I couldn't care less'-," I said, emphasizing the T in couldn't. "-not 'I could care less'. To say you could care less implies that while you don't care, there is still a whole other level of not caring you could get to."

"I thought you just said you weren't going to be a grammar fascist anymore?" Quil pouted.

"I was being satirical. You should know by now that I'm a total snob."

"I really hate you," Quil said.

"No you don't. You love me. I mean look at how hot I am. Just looking at this face should make you happy."

Quil nodded. "Yes, when I see you I am happy but when you open your mouth and you know….talk. Meh, not so much."

I laughed. "You're a really good friend, you know that? I don't know what I'd do without you."

"What about me?" Seth asked. "You can't live without me either, right?"

"Both of you. You guys are the best brothers anyone could ever ask for. That being said….."

"You want to mope," Seth said.

"Yes please."

"Okay we'll let you mope, but so help me Embry, if I have to listen to Tori Amos I'm going to be pissed," Quil said.

I made a cross over my heart. "No Tori, I promise."

* * *

><p><em>These precious things let them bleed, let them wash away.<em>

_These precious things let them bleed, let them wash away._

_These precious things let them bleed, let them wash away._

_Do you guys need to get a room? Because I would _really_ appreciate you taking your gayness elsewhere. I should have known the three of you living together would be a huge mistake._

I gave a low growl. _Don't mock us. Tori Amos is timeless. _

_I totally agree _Seth said.

_See. I can't help it if you have deplorable taste in music Jake._

Jacob snorted. _Yeah, okay. Well maybe you three could put your burgeoning singing careers on the backburner for now and concentrate on your jobs. Just a thought._

_Don't blame me and Seth, it's Embry's fault. We've been subjected to his Soundtrack of Pain for almost three weeks now. The other day he played "Everybody Hurts" twenty three times in a row-_

_Congratulations Quil, I didn't know you could count that high _I snarled.

_Whatever dude I was talking to Jake. The only reason he stopped playing it was because Seth and I stole the CD when he went to the bathroom. He's driving us to the bughouse._

_Quil, in your experience do good things ever come from hiding my CDs? No? I didn't think so_ I said.

_Yeah, well you promised you weren't going to listen to Tori Amos and now I've got 'Precious Things' stuck in my head _Quil snapped.

_Guys can you please just pay attention?_ Jacob pleaded. _Embry_, _I know you're still upset about Jill and the whole thing sucks, but could you just get through this patrol?_

_But Jake, I'm just hitting the apogee of my depression. _

_Yeah and I'm going to push you off the other side of that apogee _Quil thought.

_Quil you know what apogee means? Color me impressed, now if only NASA was hiring, you'd be a shoo in _I said.

Seth howled with laughter. _Dude, that was mean, and yet so so funny._

_Who do I have to perform sexual favors for to get you guys to take this patrol seriously? _Jacob thought_._

_Umm, eww I'm pretty sure you will have no takers on that offer, Jake._

_Don't make me pull the Alpha card on you _Jacob said, though his tone was one of amusement.

_There's nothing going on _Quil moaned. _I could be hanging out with Claire right now._

_We all have a job to do so let's do it and then you can be with Claire, and Embry can go be depressed, and Seth can go do… whatever it is that Seth does _Jacob thought.

Quil huffed but I heard him pick up his pace a bit.

We were patrolling the woods that divided our land from the Cullen's. Other than the two vamps we had taken down a few months ago, activity here had been pretty quiet, but Jake had insisted we still do a twice weekly patrol of the area. After what had happened with the Italian vampires, he trusted no one around Renesmee. Jake, Quil, Seth, and I were on a large search parameter, Quil and I about a mile apart from each other on the west side, the same for Jake and Seth on the east.

I picked up my pace too, relishing the feel of the ground giving away beneath my powerful paws. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I really do love being a wolf.

_I second that _Quil thought.

_Yeah well you better enjoy it while you can _I told him. _Someday soon you'll have to stop phasing and that will be that._

_Why would I stop phasing _Quil asked, genuine confusion in his thought.

_Because of Claire, duh._

I heard Quil's footfalls falter for a moment. _I never thought about that._

_No kidding _I said. _I do hear and see pretty much everything you think about remember?_

Quil fell silent.

_Can you guys please concentrate _Jacob begged. _Otherwise we'll be out here forever._

I sighed loudly but tried to pay attention to my surroundings. Lately though I found my mind wandering more and more often while on patrol. Especially with trying to keep any and all thoughts about Jill out of my head. That was something that I definitely didn't want to think about so I had to occupy my mind with all sorts of other crap. This of course was not only irritating to me, but to my pack mates as well. In fact there are times when I get so lost in thought that when I snap out of it, I find myself having traveled miles without even realizing it.

Sort of like now. I tried to pay attention but almost immediately my mind was wandering again. I found myself naming every chemical compound that I knew by heart. I was just debating whether I wanted to group the compounds into Ionic and Molecular bonds or perhaps I was more in the mood to try to do some Stoichiometry problems – someday I will be able to do entire chemical equations perfectly in my head mark my words – when I realized I had no clue where I was. And that's the way it's been the last few weeks. I'll just be thinking away about something stupid and the next thing you know-

_Embry pay attention! _Jacob snapped.

I jerked out of my reverie and looked around to readjust my bearings.

_Hey you guys hear that?_

I slowed to a brisk trot and cocked my head to the side. _I don't hear anything Quil. Which makes me wonder if the earplugs I wear at work are actually doing anything because I've had this ringing in my ears ever since Mike blasted the back of my head with his pneumatic wrench. That guy is such an ass. I should have-_

_Listen. LISTEN! _Quil howled at me.

I strained my ears. _He's right I do hear something. _I lifted my snout and smelled the air. _Smells human though. Probably deer hunters. Oh man that's a good movie. We should get that from Netflix. I haven't seen a good Vietnam War movie in ages. Plus you can't go wrong with De Niro. Well, unless you count 'Sleepers', which I don't. I mean the book was so much better than the movie. I hate it when- _

My thought was interrupted by a loud bang that came from my right. I felt something punch me hard in the side. The impact was so intense it drove me down onto my knees. I tried to right myself but for some reason my body didn't want to cooperate. I felt another blow near my back end, and my hind legs, which had been scrambling desperately on the ground, fell out from under me. I heard a high pitched yelping in my head and tried to scream at it to shut up, that I couldn't concentrate, when I realized the yelping was coming from me.

_EMBRY!_

_OH GOD EMBRY! IS HE OKAY?_

I tried to think something coherent, but the only thing that I was able to produce was another desperate yelp.

"Jesus, John!"

In all my scrambling and crying I hadn't noticed the two hunters slowly making their way towards my prostrate body. I redoubled my efforts to get up and howled with frustration when I still wasn't able to move.

"You got it! Holy hell! Look at the size of that thing! Is it a bear you think?"

_EMBRY!_

I lay on the ground, my sides heaving, my tongue lolling out of my mouth. Foam was dripping off my muzzle and forming a bubbly pool on the ground in front of me. I could feel blood pumping out of what I now realized were two gunshot wounds. I barked another distressed cry and could taste blood mixing with the foam in my mouth. I rolled my eyes desperately around in my sockets, trying to see if the hunters were coming over to finish me off before I could get up.

"Christ….that's a wolf," I heard one of the hunters say, his voice awestruck.

The other hunter spoke again. "You better kill it before it gets up and tears us to shreds!"

I heard his rifle cock and closed my eyes. I wasn't sure if another bullet would finish me off unless maybe he shot me in the head or the heart, but I still wasn't feeling too lucky.

"JESUS!"

I heard growling and opened my eyes again. Quil flew into the clearing, skidding to a halt next to my shaking body. He bared his teeth and snarled at the hunters.

"SHOOT IT JOHN SHOOT IT!"

_Quil, don't let them shoot you too. _I was amazed, and also a bit relieved that I was able to form a lucid thought.

Quil snarled again. _Don't worry about me. They'll both be pinned down on the ground before his finger pulls the trigger._

_QUIL! EMBRY!_

Jacob and Seth burst into the clearing, growling and snarling.

"Screw this!" One of the hunters shouted.

The pack took up a defensive stance around my helpless body.

"LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

I heard both men running as fast as they could, thrashing through the underbrush as they went.

_Embry! Oh God, can you move? _Jacob stared down at me, his eyes panicked.

I rolled an eye back to look at him. _You're kidding me, right?_

_Oh God, okay. Okay, let me think. OH, okay I'm going to go get Carlisle. Seth, Quil, guard him with your lives. Keep pressure on his wounds until I get back._

Jacob took off in the direction of the Cullen's home.

I was still panting and the pain was getting worse. It was getting really hard to breathe and I could hear a whistling sound every time I inhaled.

I watched as Seth and Quil phased back to human form.

"Here use this," Quil ripped my sweatpants from where they were tied to my leg and pushed them into Seth's hands. Seth dropped to his knees next to me and pushed the sweatpants against the wound on my haunches. The sudden pressure caused a fresh flare up of pain, and without meaning to I snarled and snapped at his hands.

"I'm so sorry," Seth cried. "But I have to try and stop the bleeding!"

Quil grabbed his own pants off his leg and pressed them against the gunshot wound near my chest. I yelped loudly.

"Come on, come on, Jake," Quil chanted under his breath.

The pressure Quil was putting on my wound was very painful and I tried to heave myself into a sitting position to alleviate some of the discomfort. That's when I realized I couldn't really move my legs. _This is disturbing_ I thought. I gave a panicked look at Quil who was closest to my line of vision. _I can't move my legs!_

Quil just looked at me, sorrow etched on his face. "I'm sorry man. I heard them. I didn't warn you in time. I'm so sorry."

_Screw that dude. I CAN'T MOVE MY LEGS! I MIGHT BE PARALYZED! _I stared at Quil desperately, willing him to hear my thoughts. The one time I actually needed someone to be in my head and no one was there.

I heard crashing coming closer to us and smelled the bloodsucker before I saw him. Jacob burst into the clearing followed closely by Dr. Cullen.

"Can he phase?" Dr. Cullen asked, looking at Jacob.

_I can't even think straight! _I shouted at no one. I stared up at the vampire, my eyes wide.

"I don't think so," Jacob replied.

"Okay, let's get him back into the house. Can you three manage to carry him?"

"Of course," Jacob answered. "Quil, Seth, you get his front end. I'll manage the back."

"Carefully boys," Dr. Cullen warned. "I don't know how much damage there is yet and I need you to keep him as still as possible."

My pack brothers heaved me into their arms, and we began the trek back to the Cullen's home. The pain became so intense at one point that I blacked out. When I came to I was being carried through the front door of the house and up a flight of stairs. I was laid on a table in what I guessed was Dr. Cullen's office of sorts. My body was too big and my limbs hung at awkward angles off the ends of the table. Overall it was not the most comfortable I've ever been.

I lay, panting and helpless on the table as Dr. Cullen, who had called for Esme to help him, moved lightning quick around me, giving orders and grabbing equipment.

"Embry, can you try phasing?" Dr. Cullen leaned close to my ear and I instinctively whined when I smelled his cool breath on my face.

I tried to concentrate on returning to human form, but I was having such a hard time breathing, I couldn't do much more than give a slight tremble, before I finally shook my head no, my sides heaving from the effort.

Dr. Cullen grimaced, but nodded. "I'm going to do my best for you, okay? Right now I'm going to give you something for the pain."

He had Esme shave a patch of hair off my right front leg and as she did, he began to prep an IV.

I rolled my eyes around amid the chaos, searching for a member of my pack to look at. I was getting very disconcerted with the leeches hanging all over me. As if he could finally read my mind, Quil came into my view and placed a soothing hand on my head. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the heat in his palm, trying to ignore the cold, stone like hands of the Cullen's as they worked on me.

Esme finished shaving my leg and stepped aside. I felt a needle prick and suddenly felt a cool rush in my veins and then I was in oblivion.


	10. Free

**So this is it every one! The last chapter of (Embry) Call of the Wild. I really hope you enjoyed the story! Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**A HUGE thank you to ajtotheeds who gave me much needed advice on this final chapter! THANK YOU!**

**Also just a reminder that this story as well as myself are nominated for some Tomato Soup Awards, so if you'll save the handy dandy URL I post below and check the site out (voting begins in September) I would very much appreciate it! Save and VOTE =)**

**thetomatosoupaward (dot) blogspot (dot) com**

**Chapter title taken from the song "Free" by VAST from the album "Music for People"**

* * *

><p><em>"I'm gonna run from everything<em>

_Everything that holds me down_

_Nothing to win, nothing to lose_

_It's time to be what I need to be."_

_-VAST_

* * *

><p>"Yes, I assure you he's going to be just fine. I was able to remove both bullets. He's already beginning to heal."<p>

"You're really sure?" Seth's voice had a tremble as he spoke.

"I'm positive," Dr. Cullen reassured him.

I opened my eyes and looked around the room.

"He's awake," Quil announced, leaning over me. "Dude, you scared the hell out of us."

_Well, so sorry to cause _you_ pain, _I grumbled. It was then I remembered I was still in my wolf form and he couldn't hear the acerbity in my tone anyway.

"Embry. I'm glad you're awake. I was able to remove both bullets. The one that struck you in the back merely hit muscle and was easy enough to remove. The other bullet nicked your lung and the lung partially collapsed. I was able to get the bullet out and the lung had already begun to heal itself by the time I was finished extracting the bullet. You might feel some pain when taking deep breaths for a few hours, but overall I believe you're already on your way to a speedy recovery," Dr. Cullen said with a smile.

_Thank you, _I said. Then remembered again that I was still a wolf and he couldn't understand me, so I attempted to convey my gratitude with a look. It's kind of hard to make a grateful face with a wolf muzzle so I ended up just sort of sneering at him. Hopefully he got the picture.

"Now, Embry, I need to ask you some questions. Would you mind terribly talking through Edward?" Dr. Cullen asked.

_Do I have a choice?_

"Not really," Edward responded as he walked into the room. "I mean you could talk to one of the pack, but I'd have to translate anyway, so you might as well just talk to me directly."

_True, _I thought resignedly.

"All right then," Edward said.

"How are you feeling, Embry?" Dr. Cullen asked. He glanced over at Edward.

_Well, I feel like I got shot a couple of times. I can honestly say I don't recommend it._

"He wants to know how you're feeling physically," Edward stated.

_I know that _I said. I gave my legs a test move. They felt stiff, but otherwise moved without much issue. _Hey, check it out. I'm not paralyzed, thank God._

"He was concerned that he was paralyzed," Edward said.

"No, Embry you're not paralyzed. You were having trouble moving from the blood loss and shock. I don't see any lasting effects from the gunshot wounds," Dr. Cullen assured me.

_Well at least there's that. I'm pretty stiff though._

"He feels stiff," Edward relayed.

"Do you have a lot of pain?" Dr. Cullen inquired.

_Not much. The morphine's pretty sweet. Do I get one of those buttons like in the hospital that I can push to self-medicate?_

"No," Edward told me, annoyance creeping into his voice. "The morphine is working," he informed Dr. Cullen.

Dr. Cullen nodded. "Well expect the stiffness for several days. Even with your accelerated healing, I think you'll be out of commission for a little while."

_Yippee _I muttered. _So how soon before I can phase back. I really don't want to be a wolf twenty four seven, you know what I'm saying?_

"He wants to know when you think he might be able to phase back to human form," Edward said.

"Soon enough, I should expect. You'll be back on two feet before you know it."

I gave a sigh of relief. _Thanks Doc. So can I go home?_

Edward gave Dr. Cullen a wary glance. "He wants to go home."

"I figured as much, but Embry I think it would be best if you stay here for the night. We can reassess the situation in the morning."

I gave a low growl. Did they really think I was going to spend the night in a house with a bunch of bloodsuckers? _No offense _I added when I saw Edward's frown.

"You don't have a choice," he grumbled. "Neither do we."

_Point taken._

I lifted my head again and tried to check out Dr. Cullen's work. I took in the two large bald patches covered with tiny criss-crossing stiches. They had shaved one of my hind legs as well to place a second IV.

_Wow, that's attractive. _I nosed at the closest bald patch and sighed. I dropped my head back onto the table with a mournful whimper. _Bald and incapacitated. Awesome._

Edward gave a low chuckle.

I narrowed my eyes at him, but was distracted when Dr. Cullen took a syringe and pushed it into the IV on my front leg.

_What's he doing?_ I looked at Edward.

"He wants to know what that is," Edward said.

"It's just a little something to help you sleep," Dr. Cullen informed me. "You need rest. Yes you're healing quickly, but I don't want you getting restless and popping any stiches."

_Well I don't want to…..whoa._ I felt my muzzle stretch into a goofy sort of grin. _That's pretty nice._

"He likes the drugs," Edward informed the room.

"That's typical," Quil snarked. "Embry used to be a total pot head."

I tried to think _screw you I only did it a few times_ at him but my mind was suddenly a jumble of unconnected thoughts. I felt my whole body relax and gave into the feeling. My eyes became lead weights and before I knew it, I was once again in the dark.

* * *

><p>My eyes cracked open and I blinked rapidly several times against the sunlight streaming in through the windows. I took in my surroundings, a little confused. They must have moved me to a spare bedroom sometime during the night because I was now lying on the floor next to a large bed. I looked down at myself, somewhat dismayed that I was still a wolf. I didn't suppose some miracle phasing would have happened during the night, but a guy can dream. I heaved a sigh. I wondered if I would be able to phase back now. I closed my eyes and concentrated. Just when I felt the first shiver start to run through my body, Dr. Cullen and Edward burst into the room.<p>

"WAIT!" Dr. Cullen shouted.

I snapped my eyes open and stared at them both, confused.

"I want to take the IVs out before you try phasing," Dr. Cullen explained.

I nodded that I understood and waited patiently while Dr. Cullen removed the needles from my legs. Once the IVs were out, I closed my eyes again. After a moment they flew open.

_Ummm, some privacy please? I mean I'm naked under this fur you know._

Edward grinned. "Sure thing. Jake brought some clothes from your place. They're over there." He pointed to a chair across the room.

_Ahh, yes good. Clothes are always a good thing._

"No kidding," Edward replied. "Your buddy Quil walked around naked for half an hour yesterday because he used his pants on one of your wounds." Edward gave a sort of half disgusted, half amused laugh, then followed Dr. Cullen out of the room.

Once I was alone again, I concentrated on phasing. It took longer than usual, but my whole body flooded with relief when I felt myself return to human form. I managed to stand up and quickly had to place my hand on the wall for support. I groaned as just that little bit of movement caused fresh waves of pain. The wallpaper swam in front of my eyes and my head felt like it was filled with slush. I closed my eyes against the sudden onset of nausea and took several deeps breaths to ward the sickness off. I was surprised about how much pain I was still having. I thought I would be healing faster than this. Once my stomach settled I opened my eyes and pushed myself off the wall stiffly, stumbling my way over to the full length mirror hanging on the wall next to a large closet. I checked out my stiches, groaning again when I saw how bad the gunshot wounds looked. Not good at all. I wondered if they would scar. I wondered if it was even possible for me to scar. I hoped not because the wounds looked ugly as sin.

I shuffled slowly over towards the chair, feeling like I was around ninety years old. I reached for the clothes Jake had left for me and winced as the movement of bending over to pull my shorts on caused another blast of pain to hit me. I felt worse in human form and I began to think I should have waited a little longer to phase. After I managed to get dressed with much moaning and groaning, I laid down on the bed, totally wiped. I was panting from the effort and could feel sweat making my thin t-shirt cling to my chest and back. This really sucked.

There was a knock on the door and I heard Jake call out my name.

"Come in," I croaked, not moving from my position on the bed.

Jacob walked slowly into the room followed by Edward, Bella, and Dr. Cullen.

"Wow," Jake breathed. "You look like hell."

I gave him a dirty look. "Well let's see how pretty you look after you've been shot," I snapped.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Cullen asked.

"I don't like this. No wait, let me clarify. I do NOT like this. I feel like shit, pardon my French. I don't get it, why am I not healing faster?"

"Well, it's only been about twenty four hours. I told you that your recovery might take a little longer than usual. I want to keep you here for just another day if that's okay."

I frowned. "Really? I can't go home? Not that I don't appreciate everything you've done for me," I added hastily.

Dr. Cullen smiled. "I would really like to make sure that everything is going well for you in human form before I give you the okay to go home. It's just easier for me to keep an eye on you here where I have my supplies as opposed to making either of us travel back and forth between the reservation and Forks."

I pouted, but nodded my assent.

"I'll give you something for the pain now, but I want to wean you off the painkillers as soon as possible."

Dr. Cullen prepared a shot and after he administered it, I immediately began to feel some relief.

"I'll check back on you in a little while, okay?"

"Sure thing, Doc."

Dr. Cullen gave me a reassuring pat on the arm and left the room.

My stomach suddenly growled loudly, and I looked hopefully at the bowl Bella was holding in her hands. It smelled so good I didn't even care that a bloodsucker had made it. I was starving.

Edward frowned at me.

I shrugged, but made a silent promise to try and refrain from referring to the Cullen's as bloodsuckers. Or leeches. Or anything else derogatory.

Bella stepped forward holding the bowl out towards me. "It's beef stew. Esme made it," she said. "Can you sit up to eat? If not Jake could help you."

I tried not to let the disgust at that thought show on my face. I managed to drag myself into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard of the bed. "I can do it myself," I told her.

She held the bowl out towards me and I eagerly grabbed it as well as the spoon she proffered and took a large mouthful. It was good, but for beef stew there wasn't much meat in it.

"Beef stew," I grumbled. "Where's the beef?"

Edward snorted.

"Where's the beef…" He broke off in another snort. At our confused looks he muttered, "It was a commercial back in the….never mind."

I nodded my head. "Ahh yes. Eighties humor. How it's fallen and can't get up."

Jacob, Bella, and Edward all chuckled.

"Well thanks anyway," I said. "It's good despite the lack of meat."

Bella grinned. "Sorry, we don't keep much in the house and what we do have Jake usually consumes."

"Yeah, well, Jake is a pig," I said around another mouthful of stew.

"Look who's talking!" Jacob retorted.

"Well, we'll leave you two alone," Bella said. She grabbed Edward's hand and led him from the room, leaving me and Jake by ourselves.

I nodded towards the door. "I can see why she picked him over you," I said casually.

Jacob narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well I mean you know….." I let my sentence hang in the air.

"No I don't know," Jacob snarled.

Even though Jacob had imprinted on Renesmee, he was still a little sensitive when it came to the subject of Bella, which was something we loved to torture him about.

"Well, it's just that he's you know. And you're…..you know." I looked down at my bowl of stew and grinned.

"What are you talking about!" Jake shouted.

I glanced up quickly, trying very hard to hide my smile at his annoyance. "Oh, don't worry Jake. I mean you're a decent looking guy. Plus you have totally normal hair….oh wait a second…." I trailed off, a snicker threatening to burst from my throat.

Jacob's hands flew up to his head. "What's wrong with my hair?" He asked worriedly. He stepped over to the mirror and fussed with his black locks.

"Oh nothing, nothing," I tried really hard to sound sincere.

Jake turned back to look at me. "You're an ass," he snapped.

I laughed quietly to myself and finished off the rest of my stew.

After a few moments of silence, Jacob spoke. "You know I'm really pissed at you."

I looked up at him, surprised. "Me? What for?"

Jacob began pacing around the room as he spoke. "Because you scared the hell out of me. You could have died, Embry. You're my best friend and you could have died. And it's all your fault."

"My fault! How is it my fault?"

"Because this never should have happened. You don't pay attention on patrol, your mind is always a million miles away, you try to turn everything into a joke, I know you're upset about Jill, and I feel for you I really do but it's like-"He tossed his hands helplessly into the air. "-it's like you don't even care about the job anymore."

I set my bowl to the side and stared guiltily down at my hands. "Maybe I don't," I said softly.

Jacob snorted in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me."

I snapped my head up to look at him. "Well what do you want from me, man? I mean I'm twenty years old. I'm supposed to off living my life right now and instead, I'm stuck here. Doing this." I could almost taste how bitter my words sounded.

"Embry, you may not understand it, but it's your duty. It's a sacred obligation." Jacob said.

"You know what my sacred obligation has gotten me? Nothing! That's what. Other than wrecking my relationship with my mother and my girlfriend and oh yeah let's not forget it got me SHOT!" I knew I was being harsh, but I couldn't help myself.

"Embry, I know how you feel-"

I interrupted him. "I'm sorry man, but you really don't. I don't have a Nessie or a Claire. I don't have anything keeping me here….other than you making me stay." My voice broke and I had to turn my head to the side so Jacob wouldn't see the tears that were starting to well up in my eyes.

After a moment I managed to regain a little bit of my composure and looked back at Jake. "For the record, this isn't even about Jill…..well not all of it at any rate. The real kicker is that I got accepted to Caltech. Do you have any idea how hard it is to even get_ into_ Caltech let alone when you graduated from a Tribal school? Did you see _that_ little tidbit of information in my mind? I try to keep that thought from popping up in my head every two minutes because you know what I did with my acceptance letter? I threw it out. I threw it out because of who? YOU! Do you have any idea how degrading it is to have to ask your permission to make decisions about my own life? DO YOU? No you don't because you're in charge and I'm just your minion here to do your bidding. So yes I've been distracted and I have to keep my mind constantly occupied with stupid shit so that I don't think about any of it. I have to be distracted so that I don't hate you for ruining my life! It makes me so angry that I had to throw my one opportunity to get out of this place away. So don't you dare stand there all self-righteously and tell me that I don't understand anything. I sacrificed my whole future for my God damn duty and obligation."

Jacob looked taken aback by my outburst. "Embry, that's not fair. How could I have had any idea if you didn't tell me?" He said quietly. "I asked you flat out, directly to your face 'have you applied anywhere' and you said no. Why did you lie to me?"

"I didn't lie, I'm not a liar. I just sometimes don't always… you know…get into the truth until I'm actually…..in it. Besides_ I_ flat out asked _you_ if it would matter if I got accepted to an out of state college and you said no. So don't rewrite history here." I sighed and closed my eyes. "Look, I'm tired and I'm in pain and I really don't want to talk anymore. All I want to do right now is get some sleep. Can you just….go away? Please?"

I heard Jacob take a shuddering breath, but he didn't speak. I was thankful when I heard him shamble out the door and close it behind him because I couldn't hold in my tears any longer. I hate crying, but at that point I don't think I had ever felt worse in my whole life. Sure a lot of it was feeling sorry for myself, for getting shot, for throwing away my future, for losing Jill, but most of all I cried because I wasn't sure that Jacob and I would ever be friends the same way again. He was my best friend in the world and I had just told him that he ruined my life. I wondered if he would ever forgive me for the horrible things I had said to him and the thought that he might not forgive me made me feel worse than anything else ever could.

I could hear Dr. Cullen and Bella talking quietly with Jacob out in the hallway.

"Jacob, he's in pain, he's not thinking clearly and-"

"Yeah, well his vocal cords are in perfect working order!" Jacob snapped.

"He's on a lot of pain medication. I'm sure once he's feeling better you'll be able to sort this whole thing out."

"I don't know about that," Jacob muttered.

I heard him pound down the stairs and out of the house. I winced when the front door slammed.

I slumped back onto the pillows and angrily rubbed my eyes. I really had to hand it to myself. Within a span of a few weeks I managed to chase off not only my girlfriend, but my best friend as well. God I sucked at relationships. It's no wonder people think I'm such a jackass.

"He'll get over it," Edward said quietly from the doorway.

I started. I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts I hadn't even noticed him come into the room.

"I'm very sneaky. It's a vampire thing," he said.

I gave a heavy sigh. "With detection skills like mine, it's a wonder I didn't get shot before this."

Edward pushed himself off the door frame and stepped fully into the room. "Look, just give Jacob a chance to cool down and he'll realize that you were only telling him the truth. He can't be mad at you for that."

"We'll see about that," I muttered.

* * *

><p>"All right, let's have this out."<p>

I opened my eyes and sat up straighter on the bed at Jacob's words. I hadn't seen him since our blowout yesterday, so I had had plenty of time to think up an exceptional apology.

"Look, Jake, let me just start by saying-"

Jacob held up a hand to stop me. "No. I'm going first."

I dropped my gaze to my lap and nodded. "Okay."

Jacob took a deep breath. "I've been really selfish-"

I shook my head vehemently. "No Jake, you-"

"Can you shut up for once? Please? Just let me finish."

"Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I've been so selfish. I've only been thinking of myself and that's not right. I knew you haven't been in the right mindset lately and I ignored it. I blamed you for something that, as your Alpha, was my fault. I'm supposed to take care of you guys….look out for you….and I didn't. I'm really sorry. I've been a terrible leader."

"No you haven't. I've just let all this crap build up and build up and I take full responsibility for what happened. For everything."

"Embry, you're my best friend, but even more importantly, you're my brother and I've ignored how much pain you've been in the last few weeks, hell the last few months. I put my own needs before everyone else's. I'm glad you laid it out on the table for me. Now I just need to fix it."

"Jake, I'm sorry too. I sort of took all my anger about everything and kind of sublimated it in your direction."

"No, no apology necessary." Jacob said. He rubbed his head and sighed. "Look, you need rest. Esme is making you lunch and Carlisle is going to come check on you too. After that I think he's going to let you go home."

"Good, I'm glad," I said quietly.

Jacob gave me a small nod. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

At the door, Jacob turned back to look at me again. "I'm really glad you're okay. I don't know what I would have done if something worse had happened to you."

As Jacob walked out of the room, I almost called him back, but the words died on my lips. I didn't know how to tell him everything I needed to say, such as why I felt so trapped, why I couldn't ever talk to him about how I felt. At a time when I needed it the most, my articulation failed me completely.

* * *

><p>I should have been clued in by the ridiculous amount of sniggering that was going on from the back of the house, but I honestly just hadn't felt like getting off the couch to see what the moron twins were up to. When they came down the hallway, Quil trying valiantly to hide behind Seth's back, I narrowed my eyes.<p>

"Why do I get the feeling that something I won't like is afoot," I said cautiously.

Seth and Quil both tried to look innocent, but the puckish grins they kept giving each other were sort of blowing their cover.

"Guess what I have in my hands right now," Quil snickered from his position behind Seth.

I made a face. "I'm quite sure I don't want to know, but can't you go do it in your own room like all the other degenerates?"

Seth rolled his eyes. "Quil, just show him."

Quil stepped out from behind Seth and with a flourish, brandished a light colored suit.

"ACK! It's a suit," I said sardonically. I eyed the suit closer. "It's my suit. What are you doing with my suit?"

Quil tittered. "You're going to put it on."

I shook my head. "No I'm not."

"Yes, you are," Seth stated. "We're going to a party."

"Nope, I'm not in the mood for a party. Especially a party that requires me to wear a suit."

Quil smiled. "But you look so pretty when you're all dressed up. Come on Em; let the world see what I see."

"Oh, so you're funny now." I looked at Seth. "Did you know that Quil is funny now?"

Seth strode over to the couch and pulled me up by the arm.

"Hey, hey, watch it. Gunshot victim here," I groused.

"You healed fully days ago," Seth said. "Now get your ass up, get in the shower, put the suit on, and come with us to this party."

I pouted. "I don't feel like going to a party," I whined.

"You're going," Quil said.

"Do I need to elucidate any further? I said I'm not going and that means I'm not going."

"To late, we already told everyone that you'd be there. You have to go," Seth said.

"Why'd you do that?" I shouted. "And in case you couldn't tell from my tone, there was an interrobang at the end of that sentence!"

"What's an interr-"Quil began.

"LOOK IT UP!" I roared. "In the interim I'd recommend you both to get away from me posthaste before something very unpleasant happens."

"No, for once we won't allow your use of big words as blatant intimidation to scare us away," Seth said. "You're going and that's final. Now get ready and put the suit on otherwise we'll hold you down and dress you ourselves. Quil's really big. He won't have any trouble keeping you still."

"You realize that unequivocally that is an abysmal idea, right? See it's an idea that you come up with, but then you throw it out because it's just that horrible. Then you come up with something better."

Seth shrugged. "Well, I don't have anything better."

"Come on man, a party is just what the doctor ordered," Quil said.

"No, actually the doctor told me to take it easy this week. Ergo, I believe that means I shouldn't go to any parties."

"Carlisle said you were perfectly fine. In fact he's going to be at the party and he's expecting you to show up," Seth informed me.

I narrowed my eyes. "My nascent blazing hatred of you both is only going to make this whole situation turn into something that will be in the realm of horrific."

"Hate us all you want, we don't care. We're used to your condensation anyway," Quil said.

"Oh my God, it's condescension! Don't wield it if you can't say it."

"Whatever dude, just get in the shower and get dressed. Like Seth said, I will use force," Quil retorted.

I'm sure there were any number of aphorisms I could throw at them, but I just wasn't in the mood to argue anymore. "Fine!" I snapped. "I'll go to your stupid party. But just know that I will hate every single second of it."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Seth said with a grin.

* * *

><p>"You know, when you said we were going to a party, I didn't envision it to be halfway across the globe," I growled at Seth.<p>

"Dude, it's Port Angeles. You come here almost every day. Now stop bitching and start having fun."

I made a face at him. "Make me."

Seth rolled his eyes. "I'm going to get some food. You can stay here and sulk."

Seth took off and left me sitting alone at our table in the banquet hall at the Port Angeles Grand Hotel. It was the strangest party I'd been to lately. Not only were both packs here, but all the Cullen's as well. I wasn't quite sure what to make of the whole situation other than it meant I was dealing with two things I hated. Wearing a suit and being surrounded by vampires. I sighed and picked absently at the white linen table cloth.

"You having fun?" Emily asked as she joined me.

I shrugged. "It's all right I guess."

Emily reached over and rubbed my shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," I replied somewhat despondently.

"You should try to enjoy yourself. For all you know this is the last time we'll all get together like this…..for a long time at least."

I frowned. "I think it's weird that we're all together like this now. I mean what in the hell is this party even for?"

Emily gave me a knowing smile. "You'll find out soon enough, I imagine."

"Way to be all cryptic," I said.

Emily just smiled again. "I'm going to go call my sister to check on Logan. Maybe you should try mingling a little bit."

"Yes because we both know how great I am at socializing," I muttered as she walked away.

I leaned back in my chair and took in the gathered groups. It was almost funny the way the wolves had set up camp on one side of the room, the vampires on the other. The only wolves hanging out on the vampire side of the room were Seth and Jacob. They were engaged in what appeared to be an uproarious conversation with Edward and Bella. Renesmee stood by placidly, one of her small hands clinging to the bottom of Jacob's suit jacket.

I blew out an irritated breath and headed for the bar set up at the back of the large room. I approached and slapped both hands down on the mahogany bar top.

"Open bar I presume?"

The bartender nodded. "Yep, what's your poison?"

"You have Everclear?"

The bartender made a face. "Serious tonight are we?"

I shrugged. "I'm wearing a suit at a party that is in celebration of what, I have no idea. Besides I'm a big guy, I need something with some potency."

"Unfortunately we don't stock Everclear. However I do have a lovely vodka that's 120 proof. Will that suffice?"

I waved my hand at him. "That'll do. Put it in a beer mug will you."

The bartender hesitated.

"Come on man, do I look like a lightweight? I'll be lucky if I even catch a buzz."

The bartender shrugged and poured out a healthy serving of vodka into a large beer mug. "Enjoy, sir."

I threw a couple of singles onto the bar and took my drink. From across the room I could see Edward eyeing me and knew he was reading my mind. I sneered in his direction and headed out onto one of the banquet hall's many balconies. I leaned my elbows against the cold marble of the balcony wall and stared out over the city. It was a cool night and a chilly mist of rain began to fall as I stood, the small droplets making dark marks on my light colored suit. I took a swig of my drink and enjoyed the burning sensation as the alcohol ran down my throat. I watched the lights of the boats moving in and out of the harbor, their movements like ghost lights in the inky blackness of the Strait of Juan de Fuca. I inhaled deeply and my nose wrinkled as I was hit with the smell of vampire.

"Embry?"

I jumped and spilled some of my drink on the front of my shirt and pants. I sighed and turned around to face Bella.

"So you came," she said.

I shook my head and brushed at my pants. "No, I just spilled my drink," I replied absently.

Bella ignored my salacious comment. "We weren't sure if you would make it. Seth said it took nothing short of threatening bodily harm to get you here."

I shrugged and turned back towards the water. Bella stepped out onto the balcony and joined me in leaning on the wall. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

I nodded and chugged what was left of my drink. Nothing. I really wish the bar would have had Everclear.

"Well, you don't seem okay," Bella said, her musical voice still very low.

I grunted. "That's because I'm lying," I said.

Bella gave me a small smile. "This is about the conversation you had with Jacob a few days ago, isn't it?"

I made a face but didn't respond.

"I thought you guys worked everything out, did something else happen?"

I turned to look at her. I opened my mouth to reply that it was none of her business, and that her freak of a husband should stay out of my mind, but I just sighed instead. "No, nothing else happened."

Bella reached out to touch my shoulder and I instinctively flinched away from her hand.

"Sorry," she said, quickly withdrawing her hand.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't mean to react that way to you, especially after everything you guys did for me, it's just….nature."

"I understand," she said.

I sighed again. "I just feel bad, you know? I feel bad all the time. I want to be happy, believe me. It is not fun being this miserable constantly. I think I could talk until I'm blue in the face about my feelings, about everything that's happened the last few months, and I'd still feel just as wretched as I would had I not said anything at all. Does that make any sense?"

Bella nodded. "Sure it makes sense. I think we all feel that way sometimes."

I bit my lip and nodded. "Maybe," I muttered. "I think I'm just a total poser. I mean I act all superior, like I'm so much better than everyone else….but I'm not. At the end of the day I'm just a mechanic who lives in the same town I was born in, who's going nowhere. That's nothing to feel superior about."

Bella stared at me thoughtfully for a moment. "I don't believe that."

"No?" I gave a rueful snort. "Well what do you know anyway?"

Bella laughed. "A lot more than you might think," she said.

"Okay since you're such a font of wisdom, tell me this: Why can't I ever just tell someone what I'm actually feeling? Why do I have to hide behind my extensive vocabulary and innate self -importance? Why am I so inexorable? I'm worse than the most horrible nosferatu that I'm supposed to defend my people against. I give off this effluvium that just affects everyone around me. Why am I like that? Why couldn't I just say: Jake, you're my best friend, but I'm drowning here. I barely feel alive. I never wanted any of this. I just wanted to be a normal guy. I didn't want to become a wolf. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's so hard for me to be happy because every time I phase, I'm in my own personal hell. I don't want this life. I just feel like I'm on this cataclysmic path towards self-destruction and I can't seem to stop it. I'm in a maelstrom of despair and self-pity and if I don't do something about it soon I'm going to implode. Why can't I just say that?"

"You did just say it," Bella said gently. "Do you feel better?"

"Not really," I replied.

"Why not?"

"Well because no offense, but you really don't count."

Bella arched an eyebrow at me. "Gee, thanks."

"No, that's not what I meant. I just meant…you aren't the person I should be saying this to. But knowing me, I won't have the guts to say it to Jake."

"Oh, I think you have more guts than you realize."

"Doubtful. I've perfected the art of Clark Kenting my way through any situation that requires me to be an actual…you know…person."

"Well, when the time is right, I'm sure you'll rip off your disguise and get it all out in the open," Bella said, with a perceptive smile. "I'm going to go back to my husband. Try to enjoy yourself tonight, Embry." She turned and headed back towards the banquet hall.

"Hey, Bella?"

She turned in one fluid motion and gazed at me, her topaz eyes curious.

"Tell your husband to stay out of my head."

Bella grinned. "He said to stop having such loud, depressing thoughts," she replied. She turned to leave again.

"Hey, Bella?"

She laughed and turned once again to face me.

I gave her a small nod. "Thanks for listening to my bitching."

She inclined her head towards me gracefully. "You're welcome."

After Bella walked away, I resumed staring at the water.

"I heard all that, you know."

I spun around to look at Jacob. "You did?"

Jacob nodded. "Yeah." He stuffed his hands into his pants pockets and shuffled his feet.

"So how much do I suck right now in your mind then?"

"Not at all."

I sighed and gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry I feel that way….but I do."

"I know. That's why we're having this party," Jacob said.

I frowned. "You're having a party because I'm a self-centered jerk?"

"Nope. We're having a going away party. Umm….surprise." Jacob pulled his hands from his pockets and tossed a small handful of multi colored confetti in the air.

I watched the small bits of paper fall slowly down then said, "Wait, what?"

Jacob swept his hands towards the banquet hall. "It's your going away party. Since you're going away to Caltech, we thought we would throw you a little party in celebration."

I gawped at him. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I called that weird teacher at Peninsula. You know, the one you're always talking about-"

"Dr. Rybecki?"

"Yeah. Anyway I called him and between the two of us, we managed to get everything at Caltech sorted out. I would like to say for the record that I do a very convincing father impression."

"Huh?" For once I was the one who was completely bewildered.

"You're going to Caltech. Dr. Rybecki signed you up for all your classes, we bought all your books over the phone – those are being held at the bookstore by the way – and we got you a dorm assignment. All you have to do is get your ass to California by next Tuesday for orientation."

"Huh?"

"For someone who thinks he's an eloquent speaker, I kind of expected more from you," Jacob said.

"But, I don't, umm, I-" I finally just shook my head, at a loss for words.

"What's that mush mouth? I can't understand a word you're saying," Jacob grinned.

"What about the pack?" I managed to get out.

Jacob made a negative gesture. "We took a vote. We don't need you. Quil, Seth, Leah, and I can take care of things while you're gone."

"Jake, I just….I don't even know what to say. I can't believe you did this for me….after the way I acted-"

"Hey, it's what brothers do." Jacob clapped me on the shoulder. "Just promise that you'll kick ass down there."

"Dude, look who you're talking to."

Jacob turned and looked at all our friends gathered in the banquet hall. "So what do you say, Call? You ready to start celebrating the beginning of the rest of your life?"

I stared at everyone in the hall, wolves and vampires alike. They had been such a huge part of my life for so long, I knew I would miss them all….even the Cullen's. But I couldn't contain the huge smile that broke out on my face when I realized that I was finally getting what I always wanted – a chance to live my life on my own terms.

I looked at Jacob and said, "I was born ready."

Fin.


End file.
